some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

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Thursday, June 21, 2018 @ 2:20 PM
C'est la vie, ma cherie.
There are times when I am unsure about what constitutes an emergency. Are the increasing number of accompanying aches to my body a sign of natural wear and tear? In another era, I would have reached half my life span already. But in this current one, I'm only at the one quarter stage.

Still, one quarter is really fast. Just three more of such quarters and gone I'll be from the world.

When should I be concerned about the pains plaguing my body? Can I heft a smile onto my face and continue storming on, until I have no other choice i.e. until I collapse and am unable to carry on with the things I was doing? What is "exaggerating the problem" and what is "reacting appropriately"? What is "too much" and what is "ignoring an obvious issue to the extent of naivety"?

Sigh. I suppose these are things I'll learn as I progress through the remaining four quarters of my life. Perhaps I'll never get an answer, but I'll just have to keep soldiering on anyway.

That's what life is.

I'm certain that if you tell me that feeling this kind of pain is normal, I will accept it unquestioningly and grit my teeth to tide past it. Perhaps even continuing to do whatever work I can do, while holding on to the pain and preventing myself from collapsing. It's what society expects of me after all, and I am astonishingly good at responding well to what society perceives as the norm. Unless there exists other instances where things have worked well before, even while being stationed outside of society's norms.

Are humans naturally adapted to functioning as a group, a whole? It would make a whole load of sense that way, because this is the best way in which we can reproduce ourselves and increase our numbers. It's how we managed to dominate the world, although we started off as nomads. All these things about morals and values... I'm starting to think that the existence of these thoughts were engineered by nature, because this is how we can survive better. Still, it's fascinating, eh. Survival of the fittest... I wonder where we come from, and where we'll go from here. Who'll be the strongest? What constitutes the strongest?

It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

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Monday, June 4, 2018 @ 6:55 PM
Antibiotics
Dear blogger, yet another day is coming to an end. I haven't been accomplishing much these few days, mainly because my body has been rather disobedient. A slough of three different conditions engulfing me at once! That's not very good, is it? There's that uterus infection which necessitated that rather painful shot to my bum (the muscles around the injection point are still aching, by the way), and the possibility of a flu virus taking hold of my body. It's strange, though, because I don't exhibit any other sign of being infected by the flu virus other than a pressing, throbbing headache at my temples and a slight fever for the entirety of yesterday. The fever is gone today, but the headache still lingers, rearing its head whenever I move mine too quickly. It makes me wonder if it is actually caused by the uterus infection, and not this flu virus. Of course, I hope beyond all hope that it's not anything else.

Lastly (and definitely not any less worrisomely), there's that menstrual cramps coming to taunt me. I must have spent at least a third of the day lying motionless in my bed, willing the pain to go away. After a while, it did, thankfully.

It's rather interesting what eating those antibiotics does to my body. They seem to have killed off almost all of the bacteria in me! Even those lingering in my mouth - my buccal cavity (sorry, just had to do that because of the rhyme ;D). When I wake in the morning, there's no foul smell coming from my mouth, unlike what happens for normal humans. My breath is odourless, and my tongue tastes sweet, even. Weird, huh? I suppose it'll make sense, because all of these tiny creatures would have been killed by the medicines I take into my body, and there'll be no one left to orchestrate all those processes which lead up to form that typical "morning breath". Even now, after having consumed a day's worth of meals, my mouth doesn't taste any different, whereas in the past the taste of the food I've eaten will linger and cause the taste of my breath to evolve in a unique manner, depending on what I've eaten.

Sigh. The disorientation is still there. When I move my head too fast, I feel like I take a while to get my bearings back.

I wonder if it was a mistake for me to have gone to Biopolis to retrieve my work laptop today, and to have insisted on continuing to work... :( But well, what's done has been done, and I'll just rest for the rest of today and hope that everything else will turn out better. That my body will recover!

Cheers,
Hui Ting
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