some public
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die

huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)


人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

more of me

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Tuesday, March 27, 2018 @ 6:44 PM
Plea for help
Mmhm, I clapped my hands:
And the reason for that is...

It's always been pretty easy for me to do well in school work. In primary school, secondary school, JC, sometimes even in university. I scored my As, I did exceedingly well (not going to mince my words), I was always in the best class, and I never had to try too hard for it. The thing is, I'm not sure if I did well because I tried hard or if it's because I'm innately "talented". It's a very sad dilemma to be stuck in, because on one hand, if my superb results were due to my "talent", then this means that I am suffering from some sort of symptoms similar to the ones described in the series of pictures above. If I was indeed working hard to get those results, I don't know that I was working hard - nobody ever told me that I was working hard, or praised me for working hard. They only praised me for the As. And even then, the praises slowly dwindled as the years passed. Getting an A in uni now is nothing to be proud of. Cuz it seems like everyone can get it with hard work. And everyone is able to work hard. In this case, then, the same outcome will still occur - I'd still exhibit the same symptoms as described above, because I'd still think that the results I've gotten have stemmed from my "talent", and not the hard work - because I simply cannot see the fact that I'm working hard. 

And it seems like the older we get, the less we get praised for working hard as well; when we do some things, or push ourselves a little further, it's simply taken as a sign that we're doing what we're supposed to do anyway. We're supposed to be able to do paperwork. Supposed to be able to sustain ourselves. Supposed to be able to take care of our bills, our education, our lives and our selves. And it makes me feel as though my boundaries are so weak in the first place - if I'm already doing something which I wouldn't have otherwise done, yet people still don't recognise that I'm pushing myself for it, it makes me feel more worthless, because that thing is something which I should be doing yet it's something which I have to put in effort to do. Am I that weak?

What do I compare hard work to? How do I know that I am working hard? Or - as dangerous as this question is - hard enough? Can somebody please pat me on the back, and let me know that I have worked hard? Even adults need that once in a while - especially adults who were not taught the value of hard work as kids.

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