some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
more of me

Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Sunday, August 6, 2017 @ 2:25 PM
3 August 2017 | 9.46 pm
Am on the topmost level of the playground below our house once again. I am reminded of the time more than two years ago - perhaps even three years ago - when I sat huddled up against the same railings in my school uniform, writing in my little black diary. Reflecting on how quickly time seems to pass by. 

I have no idea what will happen in the future. I don’t know if three years later I’d be able to sit here again, marvelling at how the same location threads through time and connects me together. The different mes. Or is there just one me? Is the me one year ago and the me now two different people? Is the me a second ago and the me now two different people?

What will I choose for the future? What will I let go off, and what would I hold on tightly to? What regrets will I hold, what pain will I feel? i hope that one day I’d be able to sit here again, in the same location, and pause to take stock of the way my life has turned out to be. 

I never postulated that my life would turn out this way. Maybe this is what we always think when we look back on our lives. Ah.

One day, this place will fall to ruins too. This playground will be old, demolished. This land - these trees and greenery around me, or even these signs that humans once existed here, that life once existed here - will be gone. In the dark of the night, illuminated by streetlamps and the moon above me, I am once again reminded of how fleeting life is. Nothing lasts. That is the truth

In the face of this.. What is it that I want to do? What will continue keeping my soul happy, satisfied? The music that I listen to will change. The routines that govern my life will change. The people I surround myself with will change. What is the one thing that will remain constant? 

I am seized by a sudden, inexorable sense of dreadful calm. Like I understand where the final destination of every one of us lies. A calm acceptance of a terrible end. What is it that grounds me in the present, even when I accept this epilogue fearlessly?

I would very much like to know my answer to that question one day. A firm answer, one that I truly believe in. One that stays with me even as the things around me change. 


These are the moments in which I feel the most alive. 
back to top?
monthly archive

November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 February 2014 March 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 June 2015 July 2015 August 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 March 2017 April 2017 May 2017 June 2017 July 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 March 2018 April 2018 May 2018 June 2018 July 2018 August 2018 September 2018 October 2018
recent entries

Things Hello dear bloggo, I'm feeling so tired at the mo... Calories DDD: Reporting Cheers, Musings; the importance of memories Daily thoughts Better. 美しい歌だ;いつかあなたに紹介しよう Indecision.