some public
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die

huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)


人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

more of me

Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Sunday, August 6, 2017 @ 2:25 PM
3 August 2017 | 9.46 pm
Am on the topmost level of the playground below our house once again. I am reminded of the time more than two years ago - perhaps even three years ago - when I sat huddled up against the same railings in my school uniform, writing in my little black diary. Reflecting on how quickly time seems to pass by. 

I have no idea what will happen in the future. I don’t know if three years later I’d be able to sit here again, marvelling at how the same location threads through time and connects me together. The different mes. Or is there just one me? Is the me one year ago and the me now two different people? Is the me a second ago and the me now two different people?

What will I choose for the future? What will I let go off, and what would I hold on tightly to? What regrets will I hold, what pain will I feel? i hope that one day I’d be able to sit here again, in the same location, and pause to take stock of the way my life has turned out to be. 

I never postulated that my life would turn out this way. Maybe this is what we always think when we look back on our lives. Ah.

One day, this place will fall to ruins too. This playground will be old, demolished. This land - these trees and greenery around me, or even these signs that humans once existed here, that life once existed here - will be gone. In the dark of the night, illuminated by streetlamps and the moon above me, I am once again reminded of how fleeting life is. Nothing lasts. That is the truth

In the face of this.. What is it that I want to do? What will continue keeping my soul happy, satisfied? The music that I listen to will change. The routines that govern my life will change. The people I surround myself with will change. What is the one thing that will remain constant? 

I am seized by a sudden, inexorable sense of dreadful calm. Like I understand where the final destination of every one of us lies. A calm acceptance of a terrible end. What is it that grounds me in the present, even when I accept this epilogue fearlessly?

I would very much like to know my answer to that question one day. A firm answer, one that I truly believe in. One that stays with me even as the things around me change. 

These are the moments in which I feel the most alive. 
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