some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

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more of me

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Monday, March 20, 2017 @ 9:11 PM
A finger prick;
Was it already two months ago that I wrote the post titled "Some Days You Sit in Void"? It feels like it was merely weeks ago. I can still recall the feelings I felt which pushed me to write that poem(?) out. I remember the thoughts going through my head, the precise way I was dragging my feet forward on the covered walkway between Tan Chin Tuan Lecture Theatre and SCELSE.

It doesn't feel like two months has passed.

It doesn't feel like almost a whole semester has passed.

Now that I am starting to measure time in terms of Semesters, two months seem so significant somehow. Back in my primary school/secondary school days, two months will be less than a term. And a term, by itself, is so insignificant. A year is made up of four terms, after all. In college, however, a semester signifies so many noteworthy things. A semester means that many things would have changed. The amount of knowledge you possess changes. The people important to you change. Things that you thought were important to you change. The amount of things you have accomplished would have shot up by the end of one semester. Such is the significance of three months in college...

But I am unwilling to give up on all of this, not yet. Even as I am hastening my steps and wishing that this hell, this period of never-ending business and weariness will end, I am still clinging on to the moments - those moments in which I feel alive, at peace, well. Moments I am thankful for, as much as I sometimes get overwhelmed by all the other things going on in my life and become unable to appreciate them as much as I could. Moments when I smile to myself, thinking, this is bliss. All of these things happening right now. And it doesn't matter what the future brings. All that matters is that at this moment right now, these are the things that I am feeling, and that these emotions have existed before. Even if no one remains in the future, no consciousness remains in the future to know that they have existed.

If a tree falls in the middle of the Amazon rainforest and nobody was there physically to see it falling and to hear the sound of it falling, would it mean that it did not, in actual fact, fall?

No, I don't believe so. I don't believe that some things are facts only if there is a consciousness there to witness them occurring. I don't believe that humans are so essential, so necessary to existence. Nope. We are just one small, minute, existence in a corner of the universe. Even if we don't exist, the universe carries on.

Yep, so. I am glad to feel the things that I have felt, even as my emotions are getting a little out of control these few days x_x On some days I would have thoughts that I never thought I would have. I don't deny. But. But. I am not falling over edge into the abyss yet. I am coming close to it; I don't deny. There is a dark force pulling me there sometimes. I have started to sense its presence much better than I ever did in the past. I see how some people may be attracted by it now. But I am not helpless towards its magnetism. I can hold my own just fine. There are other bright, thin, spots pulling me away from the abyss as well. On their own they might not be able to hold me. But because there is a substantial number of them, they aid me just fine. Together, they are strong enough. And I am strong enough to hold my own.

I see you.

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Sunday, March 19, 2017 @ 11:57 PM

"The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after."

幸福  的滋味  是什么?
我想  我大概已经能够品尝到了
九个月前的我  说的那些话  大概全都是真的吧
而现在的我  心里感觉到的  全都是一种  温温的滋味
一种  前所谓感触到的  温柔
这对我来说
也是那么的新鲜
那么的  神奇
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