some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
more of me

Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Sunday, July 31, 2016 @ 2:01 PM
奇迹
Haha don't ask me why I decided to take down the link to my blog on my Instagram profile :P Actually you could ask LOL and I don't actually mind answering idk why I started off with the previous sentence LOL.

It's actually cause in this period of time, when all the orientation camps are happening, more people will tend to look at my Instagram profile and follow me, and in doing so, they will see the link to my blog. But I don't really want people whom I just got acquainted with to have this link, you see. I don't exactly feel comfortable with exposing this deeper (albeit only marginally) side of myself to these new friends. And so, I'll probably only put back the link after this orientation period ends. So that the next time someone actually sees my Instagram profile and finds the link to my blog, it would be because they were intentionally trying to find out more about me, instead of just discovering this blog link by accident when they were trying to follow my account.

Get what I mean?

Yep.

Anyway, had a really great conversation with you-know-who (sorry, too much Harry Potter getting to my head) yesterday on telegram, while I was on the train ride from Pioneer to Bras Basah to meet my girls. And WE SUBSEQUENTLY ATE A LOT OF GOOD FOOD DAMN I must have spent like >$40 yesterday on food LOL but what to do, girls will be girls. HAHA. Especially this group of girls who know their cafes well.

Kk I got distracted. But yep, got to know another friend a lot more. And on a deeper level too, regarding life goals, values and beliefs. o_o We must have spent what, more than one hour really texting and not leaving the telegram page? Yeah damn son, we did. And I am glad that I chose to ask that first question instead of other lame questions like is there anyone you like in our course and why LOL.

Yep, it was the right choice.

Seeyah around!

Tomorrow will mark the start of seven days of non-stop camp haha (except perhaps on tuesday night when I will sneak back to hall and hopefully rest a little more).

Ciao!

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Friday, July 29, 2016 @ 11:12 AM
More friends.
Speaking of Crescent FOC'16,

Wew my first FOC has ended! I don't deny that it has been a really tiring 5 days. Especially that night after the CBS (HAHA) and we were walking back to hall from North Spine. I was so tired that I really couldn't speak to anyone at all, not even my closer friends like Siang Yee and Wendy o_o Seriously, it was so bad to the point where I didn't even have the strength to answer their concerned questions with "I'm okay" and instead just told them (a tinge more fiercely than usual, unfortunately) that "I really don't want to talk at the moment, I'm sorry. Don't talk to me, please." I guess that was the point when I realised that I am still an introvert at my core haha, and it takes a lot of effort for me to entertain a completely new group of people whom I don't know yet.

Learnt something new about myself, I guess :) It was a different situation than the usual events I put myself into!

Anyway, here are two very nice pictures of Ember hehe. I think that this OG really has the potential to continue staying together and being strong, because the freshies have gotten really comfortable with each other, and there is still more to be learnt about one another. From my personal POV, I do believe that I am also starting to enjoy their company more, instead of just treating it as a once-off thing (like how I am going to treat my SBS OG, I am sorry).



:)

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@ 10:35 AM
Repost
This is from Instagram. 28/07/2016, 4pm, Hall 17B-07-55.

~ - ~ - ~



#throwback to Scotland (damn, it's been more than a month) when things were more chill and free.

In the midst of all this chaos (also known as freshmen orientation camps), I can't help but be reminded of the time we spent on Carlton Hill, sitting on the monument and gazing out at the city of Edinburgh below without any thought of time passing. I do miss that feeling - that comfortable silence as we got lost in our own thoughts, and the absence of frenzied rushing. 


-


Being an OGL turned out to be much more exhausting than I thought. I might have underestimated the effort involved to lead a new group of people and facilitate their transition from strangers to friends. But it is alright, because I have learnt a lot from this camp about bonding people, and about myself too. 


It is time to retreat and rest up for the next two camps ahead. This post is almost like a blog post hahaha, a reflection, even. But whatever, I just felt like it. On a side note, school is starting soon, and I am quite excited for it. 


Seeyah, then :)


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Wednesday, July 13, 2016 @ 10:51 AM
Lessons
Things that I've learnt from attempting to do research over College Year 1 Summer Holidays:

- Don't assume that your professor is easy-going just because someone else's professor is. In order to be able to make assumptions like that, you must be able to read people's motivations accurately - like why are they doing the things that they do? - and I daresay you definitely have not learnt how to do that yet.

- You should always clarify things with all the parties involved before starting on anything, because (back to the previous point) you cannot assume that things will turn out the way you want them to, or even naively hope that no one will notice anything and things will go your way. If you have a solid understanding with the parties involved, then you will have something to fall back upon should all else fail. In any case, it is not good to lie also lah; stop trying to cheat people. Even if you want to cheat the system, you must be completely sure of how it works first instead of just blundering around hoping that no one finds out what you're up to. The world is smarter than that, dear. Know what your limits are and stop trying to be dishonest lah haha you know it won't get you anywhere. Get back the integrity you had before like in pri/sec school/JC, when you would always point it out to the teachers if they had given you extra marks because you can't stand the thought of getting credit for something you don't deserve.

(Sigh but regarding the above point... You could say it's hard to do that in the 'real' world. But it doesn't mean that you should stop striving towards it. You should continue to have a clear set of values, while at the same time remaining open-minded. Makes sense? It's the conclusion you came to after experiencing all that shit in Sem 1, remember?)

- Be honest, haha. I (as in this me writing this point at the moment, this part of me who is more or less "good", even though the word "good" is still up for debate but whatever, you know what I mean) still stand firmly by the thought that you will get nothing good out of being dishonest. Be proud of the things that you have done, don't take credit for the things that you haven't done. Then you will be able to walk upright and firmly, with a straight back, without stooping from the burden of the misdeeds that you have done. HAHA that previous sentence was slightly exaggerated, but I was just trying to show off my language prowess; don't mind me -moonface-.

Well. At least I find myself able to express myself in a better way now. I am glad that I have come to a firm conclusion regarding these issues above.

Seeyah Hui Ting, good job on trying to become a better person again.

---------------

On a side note. I need to learn how to handle conflict. Especially face-to-face conflict. Without losing my cool too.

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Monday, July 11, 2016 @ 6:34 PM
朋友
Feels kinda strange staying at home for the whole day when I was out every day for like the past month or so.

Oh well.

I don't really have much to blog about, actually. I am just slightly less strung-up than before because there are fewer things that I gotta do, or so I tell myself. And so because I am not rushing here and there being really busy, I have the time to blog. Although I would have been busy if I had gone to SBS senior camp, but oh well.

I am just thinking about how funny it is that so many things can change within 5 months. CNYang DnD was around five months ago and I think my priorities were quite different then. It is also funny how so many people could be right there beside you all this while but you never notice them. And then one day something brings you together and you look back on all the events that you attended and you realise that hey, most of the time, they were there in the same photos as you! Sometimes even just beside you! But you didn't notice them.

Of course, I am talking about how SCCS has changed my relationship with quite a few people HAHA especially Yuet Wan I guess. I really cannot remember when I started to talk to her. It was probably during Convocation dry run O: But wait. Even that night, after HTHTing at Jeregoh's condo, I didn't really talk to her. I think it was actually during SCCS itself that I really talked to her more O: Wow. Recent. So recent. Did I mention that she feels like a younger sister to me? Like someone I feel very inclined to take care of. Not sure if it is because I want to preserve her joyfulness or because I saw other people taking care of her too and then her vulnerable side. I don't know. -cough-. Moving on.

And then of course there are the other people like Suen Ern and Alvin too haha. Whom I seriously did not talk to at all until like SCCS. Wew.

Overseas trips do bring you closer to people, I guess.

And now I am looking through the photos of past CNYang events and I realised that hey, all these people are more or less always around me HAHA. And then there was that Get Lost II outing too which I didn't go to, because it was on my birthday. And I decided to go out with someone else. In retrospect was that a good decision? Probably not. In retrospect, I probably should have gone for the CNYang excursion. But then again, the things that were on my mind in those times were completely different, and so I probably would not have experienced the same thing had we had another outing like that again, with the current me. So oh well.

After SCCS, I realised that there are so many different groups of people whom I thought that I could become better friends with after hanging with them more, because the CNYang people in SCCS are such a group of people. Okay, this sentence is probably very confusing. Even I could be confused when reading it next time. But whatever. Hopefully I will remember what I was trying to say. Yes, the SCCS people are obviously one of these groups of people. But okay, let's extend "SCCS" to "CNYang" because they are almost the same. Now, after the chalet, we can include people like Timo, Pratham, Jerelee etc into the "Play" group, as a part of the CNYang community I could potentially (and am on the way to) become great friends with.

But before SCCS, there were other groups of people too. Such as Crescent FOC people. After Crescent Senior camp I felt like I was quite bonded to the Ezion GLs, and people like Darren Yang, Xin Hui, Leima, Jie Hui. (but now, less so though, after going for such a long period without seeing them. I am certain that I will feel differently again after the actual Crescent camp haha <WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN LIKE TWO WEEKS' TIME!!>)

And then there's the SBS camp people too, like Beatrice, and the other Aragog people. I felt like I could hang out with them after the day we went to sing karaoke together and Kay Yin and I sang Say Something so damn well. Ooh, that was a month ago already, on 3rd June.

My sense of time is rather warped at the moment. Events that happen further back somehow feel more recent than events which happened recently. Either that, or they feel like they happened during the same time period. But no matter.

Uhhuh. So now I realise that there are three groups of people whom I can potentially become much closer to in NTU. Crescent, SBS, CNYang. But a person only has so much time, and honestly speaking, I cannot spend an equal amount of time with all these three groups. There will definitely be some sacrifices here and there somehow. And it depends on the decisions that I make.

For now, it seems like the SBS group has the least chance. Of me getting close to them, I mean. Besides the camp, there is really not much other opportunities for us to hang out together... Even during school time I think I'll just be hobo lol and not spend much time with them. Either that, or just spend more time with the CNYang Bio people :x

And then we have Crescent. Alright, if I were to run for JCRC and actually get JCRC, I will definitely spend a lot of time with this group of people. And even if I don't run, well, I stay in Crescent Hall sooooo confirm will have time to eat dinner and stuff with them. BUT then again, I am rethinking my options of running for JCRC because the CNYang 8ec people (Alvin and Pratham, actually), planted the idea of running for CNYang 9ec into my head. OOOOO: !!!!!!

And SO, speaking of 9ec... Yeppppp, we have CNYang. I won't deny that it was the SCCS trip and the chalet which brought me a lot closer to this group of people. Looking back to the past year of college... Even in Sem 2, I didn't talk much to them. Even when I went for quite a few CNYang events (Improv, DnD, Cloud Nine, Halloween Hogwarts, etcccc), I didn't actually feel like I connected with these people, get what I mean? But oh well. SCCS and chalet happened. So it's a little like fate also bah. Especially if I run for 9ec, and get it... I will be working a lot more with the CNYang peeps. And this Thursday and Friday will be days of bonding too, actually. I'll be hanging with them - playing badminton, going to USS etc. I will definitely feel closer to them through all these activities. And then we have the 21st July meeting for OGLs to come up with the camp cheer, before the actual FOC itself. And then Sem 2, Ethics class, Korean with Yuet Wan, etc. Logically speaking, this is the group of people I will come into contact with the most, and so the greatest returns will be gained if I invest myself emotionally with them too. Especially now that I am starting to get to know them better too, instead of relying on my not-that-accurate first impressions.

Sometimes, it is the most "normal" people whom you can become the closest too? I mean, it's natural. You don't have to crave to become like them, or try to seek out some other more adventurous sides of you with them. You are just yourself, neh.

Ah well. We will see, yah? :)

----------------------

On a side note now I'm wondering who are the people reading my blog -moonface- Ever since I put the link up onto instagram the number of views have increased HAHA but I guess it's natural? Not sure if I should private my instagram or remove the link from my biography because my tutee (he's P6, dear lord) just told me yesterday that he followed my instagram and all. Apparently he managed to find my account quite some time ago. Sigh. Woes of being a teacher. Later he read my posts and some of the vulgarities that I write. Sigh. But okay lah, it's not like he's that innocent a kid. He's quite well-read too and thinks quite a bit about life. But still, you know. A little strange to have my students exposed to some of my more personal thoughts ._. Oh well. I would rather the people who read my blog be those people whom I completely don't know, or those whom I know well enough (e.g. Ting Ting). Anything else in between just feels kinda weird o_o Okay time to go cook rice buhbye.

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Sunday, July 10, 2016 @ 10:18 PM
As a reminder, and because some of the things here I've started to understand more over the course of these two semesters.

Thought this was another one of those lame posts I can read to pass time when I clicked on it, but as I read further the things that this girl wrote actually started to resonate quite a bit with the things I feel now. 
http://thoughtcatalog.com/fritz-litang/2016/06/a-letter-to-the-boy-who-wants-me-this-is-why-i-havent-said-yes-at-least-not-yet/
....

I’m in my mid-20s, others are in their 30s, few seem to still be mingling around even when they’re already in their 40s and 50s, yet none of us settled for in a relationship because freedom taught us that we do not deserve to be in the wrong one.

I haven’t said “yes” yet because a relationship is a commitment bonded with trust and respect, not just love alone. As the song goes, sometimes love’s just ain’t enough. While the flattery of being admired by someone you reciprocally like is a justifiable reason for saying yes, I hold back knowing this is not the only ingredient that keeps a relationship going. I come to my senses before I get carried away with all the killing emotions – such could be very temporary. I have to be sure first that he respects me and that I can trust him by making him wait long enough for me to assess him. Because I don’t plan to have him around temporarily. I want him to be around permanently. (!!!)

I haven’t said “yes” yet because I have standards. Yes, we all have those! But mine are on the more realistic side and I swear, it’s nothing that includes specific physical attributes nor riches. Choosy? No. My freedom has allowed me to explore and know the type of man I need in my life and that includes him being brave enough to meet my preferences because he knows I’m worth it. Ladies, a man who’s too lazy to achieve you as a goal is a man who’d rather not sweat things out and would settle for less – you know better than being that type of girl.

I haven’t said “yes” yet because he has standards, too. Yes, they are humans as well. I couldn’t demand for a guy the way I want him to be when in the first place, I’ve not made myself worthy for him. It’s a two-way process in here! While I might have done things in the past that would mark me down on his dream girl list, I believe it’s never too late to turn the vessel around. Up to now, I could say that I’m still on the process of finding myself: continuously learning about life, fixing flaws, nailing careers, being independent, and trying my best to stay reserved. Only when I achieve such goals will I be able to love myself fully. Until then, I can consider myself worthy of his preferences.

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Friday, July 8, 2016 @ 11:57 PM
PRIORITIES.
Damn, was reading the posts from Sem 1 from the other blog and f***, they are seriously heavy. The content in those posts... I can really feel how each of those moments and emotions weighed down on me. Not sure if it is due to the language that I used, or because I am reminded of the fucked-up stuff I went through during those times. Sorry for the use of "f***", but there is no other word more apt to describe it hahaha because those times were seriously mega fucked up. But it's alright because I am out of that phase now. Which is damn good. But I know that it is still important to keep records of those shitty times because in a way, they helped me to become the person I am today. Even though when they were happening, I couldn't see the way out, or when the shit will end.

Sigh.

Go to sleep dear, go to sleep. There is a time and place for everything, and right now you have more important things to do than to think about the dark days in your past.

Go to sleep girl!!
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@ 5:07 PM
Wew
Good job, Hui Ting! I see that you have decided to go to guitar lesson even though you are bloody shag after CNYang chalet. (And you are shag cuz yall went night cycling last night after only having slept for like 2 hours the previous night from drinking, playing games, and suppering and talking about cnyang 9ec. Just writing here so that you'll remember LOL when you read this post again.)

But okay yes the main thing that I wanted to say is that I'm proud of you girl, for not being lazy and succumbing to the 'feels' of the moment haha. That's your first step to success - continuing to do things even though you don't feel like doing them any more.

Cya! :) remember to change Jap to your first choice haha.
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Sunday, July 3, 2016 @ 9:59 PM
A taste of the past
Just came back from Scotland.

Realised that my July is going to be packed, and then school will be starting.



I am going to do the things I gotta do to the best of my abilities, and try my best to do them well, instead of giving up because I know that perfection will never be achieved.

I am just going to keep trying. :)

And keep trying to do my best too.

See you!

-

Since you have decided to do something, you might as well do it to the best of your abilities and improve yourself while you are at it.

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recent entries

Perfectionist streaks. Now Playing: Autumn Finds Winter - Yiruma Eating as a form of distraction One of those days A foggy world(?) Don't know why I'm writing this down We call everything on the ice, "love". A bit of self-observation, Plea for help So excited that I can barely breathe;