some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
more of me

Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Friday, May 27, 2016 @ 10:09 AM
26 One-Sentence Pep Talks To Give Yourself When You’re Stressed, Unhappy, Or Simply Lost
http://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2016/05/26-one-sentence-pep-talks-to-give-yourself-when-youre-stressed-unhappy-or-simply-lost/
1. Being intimidated by something new is always better than being bored.

2. Failure will always be more admirable than sitting unscathed on the sidelines.

3. I would rather be someone who does something than someone who just tells others what they’re doing wrong.

4. If the thing I am currently chasing after was easy to achieve, everybody would do it and it wouldn’t be special.

5. This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve been scared and it won’t be the last, so I might as well learn how to keep living and doing and creating in spite of the fear.

6. The most admired and successful people in the world were not free of insecurity or error or self-doubt; they just kept showing up and trying, no matter how many times it took, until they got what they wanted.

7. The regret from not having done something is always so much worse than the apprehension or uncertainty that comes with doing something that can be scary.

8. Laying in bed and hiding from the world feels fantastic, but only for a very short while.

9. And eventually, staying under the covers and avoiding the real world moves from a pleasant avoidance to an extremely painful and uncomfortable restlessness that can only be soothed with action.

10. What I must remember is that everyone else is too focused on their own lives to worry too much about mine.

11. …So why am I wasting so much of my time worrying about what they think?

12. Doing something will always make me feel better than complaining, even if it’s the more uncomfortable or difficult option.

13. I am my own harshest critic, so what I really need to do is just tell Pessimistic Me to shut the hell up.

14. I’m going to have a lot of blunders in whatever it is that I do before I actually get things right each time; but with each blunder, I’m only that much closer to the final successful turnout.

15. I know myself better than anyone else, I’ve made it this far, and I will continue to take care of myself the same way I always have.

16. Some days will suck, and that’s okay, because it’s the worst days, not the best ones, that inspire people to work harder and to be better.

17. Going after something they wanted, even after they began to feel inadequate and unworthy, is what separates those who succeeded from those who didn’t.

18. As the saying goes, I’ve survived 100% of my worst days, so I just need to keep going.

19. I cannot forget that sometimes a hot cup of tea and a long sleep can do wonders.

20. Breathe: when things get to be too much, I need to truly, seriously focus on breathing.

21. I would never speak to someone I love with cruelty or harshness, so why would it ever be okay to speak to myself that way?

22. Being lost or listless is okay, as long as I’m doing everything in my power not to accept it as the norm.

23. There’s always a chance that I will fail, but what kind of person am I if I’m going to let that alone stop me?

24. I’m lucky enough to have the luxury of worrying about self-realization and happiness, since my most basic needs of food, shelter, and safety are secure; that’s something I should never allow myself to take for granted.

25. I will always be more than just my accomplishments.

26. Fear is what forces me to fly.

~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ 

Last but not least - my own 2 pieces of advice to myself is:

27. Everybody starts out noob.

28. The only stupid question is the one not asked. 

back to top?
Wednesday, May 25, 2016 @ 12:08 PM
You gotta find your own routine
Hello friends. I've been kinda rotting at home for the past few days, in hopes that my sudden bout of illness will quickly disappear. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it is "sudden", haha. There was not much warning at the start, only an acute pain in my throat on Sunday night. But by Monday morning when I woke up, it had developed into a rather severe illness, with mucus clogging up my nasal passages and also an insistent painful fog around my head following me all day. And I slept in the afternoon. And I spent the day at home. And the next day, it was marginally better. I seem to be almost back to normal today too. Almost, but not quite, though.

Been drinking a whole lot of luohanguo herbal tea the past two days. Hope this won't mean that my body will be too "liang" and thus bring me trouble again during my period this month lol. But oh well. The tea is very soothing to my throat, and I always feel better after drinking it.

Anyway. Guitar lesson later. I most probably won't be able to sing LOL my voice is really quite out of my control now. Especially when I reach high notes. But it's okay, Tino Laoshi can just drill me on guitar today hahaha.

I hope the 6 songs I prepared was enough :( I mean, there are quite a few areas in a few songs whose chords I really don't know haha. Oh well. Nvm, I will ask him lol :P

So yes, essentially, I've been spending these past three days playing the guitar, and yesterday I also started studying Japanese again because I got a little bored of playing the guitar. This is just like me studying, isn't it. Halfway, you'll get sick of it. And so you will turn your attention to somewhere else. But you know that you will still come back to it. Come back to it again and again, and practise because that is what you should be doing, and so you do it. Even if it is boring. And then sometimes after taking a break you will come back to attack the strings with relish again because of your newfound source of motivation, wherever this motivation might have come from.

Anyway I am glad that at least today, my head does not feel as heavy or clogged up any more. I hope this will remain the case lol, if not something better.

Alrighty, time to go do more Jap stuff!
back to top?
Friday, May 20, 2016 @ 1:46 PM
Summer :)
Hi friends! I'm glad to say that I have quite a lot to do over the holidays so there won't be a day when I am just rotting at home and playing Pocket MapleStory LOL.

Research, and guitar. These are the two things that will take up the most of my time during the holidays. And now I realised that I will need to spend quite some time on guitar if I really want to improve and play it well - and I do want to improve and play it well. It's not just one to two hours a day haha sometimes we can spend the entire day doing it. And I will dedicate time to it, even if I am feeling sian or bored, I will still do it, just like how I study, and just like how I complete my reports and draw my neurons. It's the same idea. And I am glad because with this perspective, improving my performing skills seem much less of a towering, unreachable goal. I can feel it starting within me; the acceptance of pain, of time, of routine and work. Just do it. And this is what will ultimately enable me to continue improving. Even as my fingertips are really aching and throbbing so badly now even without touching the guitar strings. Nerve impulses firing extensively, haha. But too bad, I will continue playing the guitar even though you guys are complaining! :P

I bought a guitar from Maestro yesterday. It looks pretty normal for a guitar and all but the sound is wonderful, and the sound is what's important anyway, haha. It feels pretty much like Nelson (Edward's guitar lol) anyway, if not even better :P Hehe, so yes, I am sure that I'll grow to love it even more as time passes ^^ Even though there is an impact mark at its body at the gloss layer :( Not sure if it was there from yesterday in the shop, or if it was because I dropped the guitar bag while getting out of korkormon's car yesterday... Sigh. But in any case I am still considering whether or not I should go back to the shop and demand a change of guitar because it was the poor design of the Maestro bag's strap which caused the guitar to fall to the ground anyway ._. Meh.

Anyway I guess I ought to take a break and start on Mummymon's birthday cork board now :D Since I already decided to complete that today too! So it's not like I'm skimping on guitar practice or anything :P See you!
back to top?
Monday, May 16, 2016 @ 10:30 PM
Still Alice - Lisa Genova
Just finished reading this book and it struck me how relevant the whole story is to me. This could be me if I were the one who has contracted Alzheimer's. The female lead is similar to me in many ways - her love of reading, of science and research - neuroscience and psychology in particular -, her professorship, her confidence in public speaking and teaching, her pride in her intellectual capabilities, and the actions that she takes in order to continue living her life normally (or as normal as she could live it). If I were her, I would do the same things that she has done. Her thought process is really similar to mine, and I find that this is the first book which I had read which featured a character even remotely like me, haha. But I guess this was what caused me to be enraptured, and ultimately deeply impacted by the book. I am sure that I will feel the same sense of loss and frustration if I were her. This is enhanced by the fact that I do know a little about Alzheimer's, since I researched on it a little during CY1500 in Year 1 Sem 1.

I think it is also a book that I will remember for many years to come, just like how The Time Traveler's Wife and Memoirs of a Geisha are still imprinted in my head now. In the future if anyone asks me to recommend a book, Still Alice would be one of the few books that come to my mind, haha.

Speaking of Year 1 Sem 1, it just struck me again how the entire College Year 1 has ended. We will be getting our results in 14 days' time. I just moved out of hall. My ring of keys look oddly lonely and uncluttered/thin without the additional red key fob and hall letterbox key attached to it. I entered my room (17B-07-55) for the last time this morning and everything still seemed so familiar to me; the size of the room, the familiar position of the bed and the cupboard and the table and the hooks and the chest of drawers - everything was all in its respective place, even though every object that belonged to me was already ejected from the room. Even the stain on the wall beside the bed was a familiar sight. I have had many memories in that room. Both good and bad. Memories that I want to keep and memories that I prefer not to have existed. Joel. Jonah. Lewis. The Full of Shit girls, when we watched a movie in my room for the first time. Edward. Edward. Drinking. Cooking. Alone. Crying with Denise about Edward. Talking to Edward. Rushing CY1400 report until 5am in the morning. Composing music, practising for Crescent DnD.

I hear the rumble of thunder in the distance. I ought to go run now and continue this post later, before I cannot run any more.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to climb stairs instead of running because the lightning and thunder looked extremely ominous. 

Speaking of Edward... I find it kinda 可惜 how things turned out, and how we are the way we are now, not really on talking terms, back to acquaintances, etc. I find that even talking to Zac is easier than talking to Edward now. This only further solidifies what I think about being friends before jumping into a relationship, or nurturing "attraction" to a person of the opposite sex. Because attraction is only short term; it doesn't last. If you want to chase a girl or a guy, even, be their friend first. Get to know all their ugly sides as a friend, so that you would not feel obliged to stick around, or awkward when you decide not to stick around. 

Don't close doors in your pursuit of finding more doors, especially when there is no need to close those doors in the first place. 

Of course, you could always argue that all this awkwardness only exists in the mind, and as long as we don't think that it is there, it won't be there any more. But it is never easy, my dear. It is not easy at all... And it requires effort on both parties. 

It is definitely never easy in the period immediately following the aftermath. After having exposed your deepest shit to people but then being relegated back to acquaintances again... I would rather not have told you about me in the first place. 

But perhaps all we need is some distance and space. When other people come into our lives again, that's when we learn to forget about what some others once made us felt. Unless things were so damn fucked up and useless that without some other person, we can all still make the change and move on quickly. 

It's hard in this friends-but-not-really-friends state. 

But it's okay, because things will happen, life will go on, and we will eventually find a reason to let go; either that or we will just let go slowly, as time passes. 

For those reading my blog at the moment, I'd just like to say that it is quite unexpected that I will post such a personal part of me here, in this public blog. But I find that there is nothing to hide about this. And even if you jump to certain conclusions about the kind of person that I am based on the details written in this post, I don't really care because this is only a part of me. This post, in its entirety, was not really written for anyone to see anyway; it is more of just a record for me, and I felt that there was no need to hide or omit certain things or names, or justify/explain in great detail what some of the things mentioned was about, because the post was written for me. I will understand the things that I am writing about. And that is the most important of all. 

Wow, it is already 10.30pm. Good night then :)
back to top?
Thursday, May 12, 2016 @ 10:44 AM
Let it go and move on
http://markmanson.net/trust?utm_campaign=mmnet-newsletter-2016-05-05&utm_medium=email&utm_source=mmnet-newsletter&utm_content=Read-Who-Do-You-Trust
Always loved this guy's articles. Even though I've read some of them many, many times, I still find that they are able to help me whenever I am confused about certain courses of action. :)

Second day of my "freedom", and I am glad to say that I have plans lined up for the day! They include reading up on microphones to make my final decision on which microphone to buy from Amazon, and reading up on guitars etc. And then I will hopefully record a song in the afternoon using Jonah's mic (which he still hasn't collected back from me yet lol). And I should pack up the things I brought back from hall, like leave the things I think I might bring back in a suitcase, and unpack everything else, like clothes.

Anyway, I have decided that I will try my best to stop exaggerating the emotions I felt during the less pleasant situations I encountered in the past. And I should try my best to stop ranting and all whenever people ask me about my past. Even if they might not know the people involved in my past, it still doesn't mean that it is good for me to just bash the people up lol. There is no point in that, haha. No use in trying to be mysterious as well, saying stuff like "oh okay I'm over it already, but there was something else that happened after that (cough, Hui Ting, cough) that affected me again..." If you are not ready to say then just don't say anything lah haha no point trying to lure people in to ask you about it but not say it also. Lame.

But the lessons that I have learnt from those incidents, I will definitely still keep with me. Because as much as they might be an exaggeration of the emotions that I have felt, according to Mark Manson... They do define who I am, and the person whom I would like to be. Our guidelines in life may not be perfect but there are guidelines after all. It's like how your plan for a freshman orientation camp may not be perfect, but you must have a plan - you must have at least something to work with - even if the plan is not the ultimate thing that you will carry out. Same goes for my singing, musical endeavours, and all.

Alright then. Time to go read up on microphones :)
back to top?
Tuesday, May 10, 2016 @ 9:53 PM
Summer
Yay hello everyone!

Just had a rather enjoyable two days at CNYang's and Crescent's Senior Camps :) The activities today at Crescent's camp was especially fun hehehe, especially the Prison Breakout game and the Revolution game (where it's your turn to catch the jail wardens and the people from the main committee. We ran quite a bit. And it was really fun :)) but lol I'm not sure if I was too rough when I caught Edward and Jun Wei haha... I was literally like hugging them and all o_o Not even caring about sweat and everything lolol. I hope I wasn't too rough? ><

Anyway, yes. It was fun. And we exercised HAHA by running away from the jail wardens in the first game. And I liked it a lot because it was the entire Crescent (all the four clans) trying to solve the problem together, instead of pitting themselves against each other. I realise I really don't like the competitive aspect of games. I would prefer it if we were all friendlier to each other, and worked together to achieve something. And the prison breakout game did just that :)) There were opportunities for me to talk to people from other clans too (while we were hiding in the staircases together LOL) and get to know them better without viewing them competitively, and it was great x)

Yep it was an enjoyable two days. And I am also glad that I have things to complete (i.e. lab work) too, so that I will not just waste my summer days chilling about and playing pocket maple story every day HAHA.

:)

Yes. The summer has been great thus far x) See you guys soon! Gonna start guitar lessons next Wednesday hehe I can't wait :)
back to top?
Friday, May 6, 2016 @ 11:08 PM
#hair
Hello. Just dyed my hair in the afternoon. And yes, it involved bleaching hahaha. My first time going through the bleaching procedure. I had no idea how time-consuming the whole process would be, haha. Even if I was only bleaching a small percentage of my hair - my fringe, in this case.

Well, here's the end result:


Yes, it was only my fringe that I bleached. And coloured. The effect is supposed to look like colours are peeping out from underneath my fringe, haha. I guess the effect is somewhat there? Oh well. 




Of course, I got my inspiration from V haha. I wanted only green at first, but the hairstylist said that it would be a bit boring and came up with these three colours for me. I guess it's not bad? Just that it would have been better if I had a thicker layer of fringe on top to kinda cover up the colours haha for the peeking effect to be more obvious; for the colours to be less obvious, in that sense. But ah well, they will fade soon enough and then I will be able to decide what colours I want to add on haha. :) And my fringe will grow longer soon enough as well, so it will become more like the first photo of V. 

Anyway, just moved half my stuff out from hall... and I think I accidentally left my phone in hall :( Although I can still connect to whatsapp web now... But aish. Wanted to instagram the picture of me above haha to show people what my hair looked like but oh well. Looks like I'll only get my phone tomorrow then. Before I go to teach Andrea tuition. 

My stomach is grumbling >< I should probably go to sleep before I get hungrier, haha. And then wake up earlier tomorrow to create questions for Andrea :)

See you!
back to top?
Wednesday, May 4, 2016 @ 11:28 PM
O:
SOMEHOW. I can act cute in front of Hui Sin O_O

She feels a little like a.... mother?! Like a senior with maternal feelz omg.

Like legit sia. Omg. I can feel/act like a kid in front of her.

O: O_O O_O O_O :O

And damn that was what I was doing just now LOLLLLLL.

Okay maybe not maternal, but somebody who won't judge you if you act cute. Or a bit cuter than usual. Maybe cause she does that too? Not in the bad sense, I mean! But like. When she said "bye" and "thanks" and all the pitch of her voice increased LOL then I also feel like doing the same thing hahaha then you kinda get this warm girly joyful feeling inside omg.

Kk time to go to bed yeah? Good night :)



back to top?
Monday, May 2, 2016 @ 7:59 PM
Announcement
Dear guests.

It has come to my attention that for the past few weeks I have been rather down and "emo", so they call it. I am glad to announce that I am back to my former, xiaohigh self who bursts out into deafening laughter at the events that happen in my everyday life. 

It is to my regret that I have lose this short-found happiness over the past few weeks, but I am back again. 

SO HIYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM BACK NYAHAHAHAHHAHAHA THIS IS NOWHERE NEAR THE END YOU'LL SEE OF ME NYAHAHAHHAHAHA I WILL BE BACK TO TERRORISE YOU ALL FOR AS LONG AS I CAN MUAHAHAHAHHAA

back to top?
Sunday, May 1, 2016 @ 3:55 PM
Teaching
Feeling quite happy right now because I just met my new Secondary 2 tutee for the first time and taught her Chemistry and Physics haha. Am quite glad that I know all the things that she asked and also that I am able to explain to her and get her to understand the different concepts. Although some of the things were rather iffy like the definition of isotopes and all LOL but seriously it's just the way the school chooses to teach, and it differs from school to school so as long as I go according to the school's definitions, things will be fine.

Quite happy that I am actually useful haha and that I have a lesson plan. Although it can be tiring too also, I guess, especially if I teach Ethan Lee and then teach her. But I think the quiz parts at the end of the lesson to consolidate the things that we went through is good. And I probably should come up with quizzes for her next week too.

At least I'll have the time to teach her properly now that my lessons are almost over. One whole summer to do it properly then~

Will be going to watch the Improv Company with Shu Ning and Yipin and some other people later too~ This time it will be an improv musical O: I have no idea how they are going to do that but I think it will be interesting heh. Since I'm feeling better now (no cramps!) I guess I'll have no qualms about going then :) Just need to finish at least BS1006 Lecture 8 before I go!

Cheers.
back to top?
monthly archive

November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 February 2014 March 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 June 2015 July 2015 August 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 March 2017 April 2017 May 2017 June 2017 July 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 March 2018 April 2018 May 2018
recent entries

Perfectionist streaks. Now Playing: Autumn Finds Winter - Yiruma Eating as a form of distraction One of those days A foggy world(?) Don't know why I'm writing this down We call everything on the ice, "love". A bit of self-observation, Plea for help So excited that I can barely breathe;