some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
more of me

Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Wednesday, March 26, 2014 @ 6:09 PM
Chemical Synapses
At least allow me to believe that some of the things we had belonged to us alone.
I know it's quite weak for me to think in this way, but it comforts me a little, knowing that there are some things which belong to us and which nobody else can touch... Let yesterday be yesterday..
They can take the future that we'd never know / they can take the places that we said we will go / all the broken dreams, take everything / just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. - Yesterday, Leona Lewis
I am still quite surprised at the wave of resentment I felt after making the link about the scholars' outing to Night Safari and you lol. And it was because just a few days ago I was thinking about your wish - has it been met yet? - to go to Night Safari.

It's quite funny how differently one can behave in front of different people... You in front of the juniors, scolding them during kaisheng. You within your class/unfamiliar people, having that guarded flash in your eyes whenever they venture into a territory you don't reveal to most people, and definitely not to people you just met for the first time. And you in front of me now... Whenever you avoid my gaze or avoid me (okay, to be fair, I do the same to you too). I think you're still trying to figure out our relationship, right.? I am trying to do so too... I recognize that hesitancy, that sometimes-warm-sometimes-cold aura.

We are like a pair of oversized ladies trying to balance on a thin and whimsy see-saw... Without communicating with each other.

Strangely, you would have thought that after all this time, we would be able to achieve balance simply, what with our mo qi and understanding of each other.

But ironically, no, haha.

I guess this is what they mean by humans being irrational and unpredictable. I don't know when I will be hot and when I will be cold towards you too... But it is already changing for the better, after this time.

One year.

I was flipping through my old Facebook photos yesterday and I came across several zipai shots of us. And then I remembered how we used to always take photos. But that act feels so foreign now.

Can't believe we slept on the same single-sized bed last year haha.


Where are we now, dear, where are we... Where are we heading towards? You know I still love you - that is the one thing I will no longer try to discount. And I know you care about me too; you would have been completely apathetic towards me if the truth is otherwise.

Man.

I guess we just have to wait and see how things play out...
 
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Friday, March 21, 2014 @ 5:34 PM
From then on, the boy understood his heart. He asked it, please, never to stop speaking to him. He asked that, when he wandered far from his dreams, his heart press him and sound the alarm. The boy swore that, every time he heard the alarm, he would heed its message. 

- The Alchemist
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@ 3:33 PM
I keep dreaming about you. Sure, he will always be there, but it doesn't matter, the focus is still on you.
I wonder if we could go back to those times, you know.
A big part of me says no to this, because things have changed, and that is a fact, and we will change together with these things. Or else we won't be able to survive here.
I still wonder though. What sort of outcome will arise from this, how we will change to fit the way our lives are changing.
No harm in wondering, right?
At least you are still here.

I love you, you know. I don't think love ever dissipates.

Now playing - Studio Ghibli/Joe Hisaishi Compositions
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@ 3:25 PM
Dreams and First Steps
"People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them."

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - The Alchemist

Yes, it is time for me to go in search of my dreams.

I've realised that I easily fall into the trap of complacency. Each time I achieve something, I will automatically think, "Okay, that's enough for now! I don't have to strive on any more". But I don't think that that is the correct attitude to hold... I need to tirelessly seek opportunities to improve myself, and stop postponing doing things simply because "I'm too old for that already, no matter how much I try I won't be able to catch up with those people who have started in their childhood anyway". I need to stop thinking that "Hey, I've achieved something out of this competition! Now I can rest." because there is always a journey unfolding ahead no matter how far we have gone. And so the challenge for us now... Is to continue moving forward even though we cannot see the end, because the end is not that which matters anyway.

Looking back at my life now... I have indeed accomplished several things. I've formed beautiful friendships along the way, and amassed a whole lot of life lessons here in my head and my heart. It's important not to forget about these lessons as we are moving forward...

Okay now let me go and get some work done :)

P.S. Started learning to read scores. And it is progressing rather well; all this time I've just been putting it off because of some weak excuses, when it is not even that hard, actually... And two years have passed x_x Damn. Think of how much I could have accomplished in those two years if I didn't keep putting things off! So I'll start right now; there isn't a moment left to waste.
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Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 2:11 PM
Progress and change
I find that the beauty of mankind is that we are always learning. We are never stagnant (unless we are hibernating or something lol) and we will always progress... Each day we learn something new haha. And that is why human life is so beautiful :)

It all just depends on how quickly we learn and hence progress, I guess. The main thing is that there will always be progress. And this gives me hope, because no matter what happens to us, what obstacles or traps are placed in our way, we will always be able to overcome it as long as we are still alive. It may take minutes, hours, days, years, but it will happen! And we can always achieve whatever we are setting out to achieve (assuming we are still alive).

I like the idea of that.
:)

P.S. People like Sungha Jung inspire me.
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Wednesday, March 5, 2014 @ 11:02 PM
Everything will be okay in the end

(I hope)
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Saturday, March 1, 2014 @ 11:12 PM
About friendships
A whole long post dedicated to poems about broken friendships.

Friendships Lost - Bronwyn P

I see your smile
I know your mind
No words need be said
I understand.

Focused on each other
We listen and we care
Laughter ripples like water
Together, we are.

Others are here, yes,
And we value them, yes,
But a special bond remains,
A line between us two.

Each friendship is special
Each is unique
And so is ours
We know.

And then time begins to roll
and rear it’s ugly head
Change begins
Now a little less than before. Slowly, surely,
Not knowing why

Faster, stronger, without care
Our world shifts and shimmers and splits.
Shattered shards cascade down

Spurred by angry, lashing words
Contorted faces, stone deaf ears
Outside the whirlwind,
We die inside.

The scars run deep
Jagged clefts in our souls
We have suceeded in hurting
And hurt ourselves.

So you move on
And I remain
We keep on living
Turn our faces apart.

Now I glance across
At you from outside
Shaded eyes dry with tears
New friends, new life.
Laughter, smiling (clenched teeth)
The flippant toss of the head
The enclosure surrounds you
I cannot come near.

From behind my glass window
I know more than those within
I see the hurt in your eyes
I know the pain in your smile

I have been there before - I love you
Why do you pretend?
I hate to see your pain
And I cry inside

Tears deep within my soul
I cannot help you anymore.
What we had once
We can never have again.

The scars run deep,
But I still care.



We Once Were One - Mandy

The day that we first met,
in my mind I still see,
you sitting in the lunch room, looking for some company.
I alone myself, sat down with you that day,
neither of us knowing what the hell to say.
But we got through the awkward times, and quickly came to be,
the best of friends to eachother, we could ever be.
The closer we grew, the more we left, the other world behind,
just me and you we jumped into a new place totally blind.
We prayed together our friendship forever, and always would stay the same,
but time has passed, only memories last, and little friendship remains.
WE ONCE WERE ONE! I screamed at you, I want my best friend back!
But we both realized at once it was that bond we lacked.
You think it doesn't hurt me, to see us back to two, looking to my left and right to see there is no you.
But we both are moving on now, lets do it gracefully, I hope our friendship still lives on in you memory.


A Friend's Existence - Wayne Lee

Will you remember all the days
when I was there with you,
remembering my smile and my laughter?

Or will you forget
and dwell in the lost instead,
mourning for your friend’s farewell?

A portrait of my existence
lies deep within your heart,
cherishing the memories we once shared.

Or will you decide
nothing is worth keeping,
losing the special dream you once held?

Love will never die.
Love is deep inside.
Friendships are forever.

Remember my love for you.
I am always there,
watching over you.

To give inspiration
and strength when you may fail
in a world of fears.

Will you continue to dream
and breathe the wonders of life,
striving to be who you want to be?

Or will you succumb
to the defeats in life,
failing to never overcome?

Dreams will never die.
Strength is deep inside.
Friendships are forever.

Remember my faith in you.
I am always there,
believing in you.

To give encouragement
 and love when you may fail
in a world of fears.


Just Friends - Ann Marie
Sometimes I wonder if you know
Exactly how I feel
Our love is not romantic
But still is very real

We’ve held each other and cried out loud
And shared a kiss or two
But every time you walk away
I lose respect for you

You come to me when you feel bad
And everything goes wrong
Always expecting happiness
And to hear a cheery song

I sympathize and pull you close
And try to ease your pains
When the sun comes back, you are gone
‘Til the next time that it rains

I’ll always be here when you hurt
I know you know I’ll stay
But I’m not sure you’d miss me
If I ever went away

Friends in deed are a very rare find
Not too many stick it out
Through the good times and bad
Giving no cause to doubt

So don’t take that friend for granted
Tomorrow you may be alone
With no one around to help you
And pain like you’ve never known
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now, for the lyrics of a song

If I Die Young - The Band Perry

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh,
And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by...

...the sharp knife of a short life, oh well?
I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls.
 
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