some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
more of me

Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Wednesday, October 23, 2013 @ 7:53 PM
You could be willing to sacrifice your life for some people.
But without these people you can still survive.

Do you understand what I mean?
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Wednesday, October 16, 2013 @ 12:03 PM
Please be Happier.
It has been so long.. And now I have become quite immune to it. Until stuff like this happens when I am reminded of how we were like before. It has been less than a year. Yet the feeling has become so different. So different. We have all changed.

Why. Why is there such a huge difference suddenly. You know, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I didn't meet you and we remained strangers. There would be such a huge difference in my life now. I wonder what I would have been doing all that time last year. And I wouldn't be in huangcheng now. I wouldn't spend my time with you during recess. I wouldn't spend so much time cooped up in my room with tears streaming down my face. I wouldn't have shed so many tears.

But then again... I wouldn't have known that joy and happiness when you were there with me and when we spent so much time laughing and getting to know each other.

Is this God trying to show us that what He gives, He can take away too.

No.

There are many other things in life worth going for and worth looking forward to.

You can always make it interesting. It is entirely up to you.
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Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 9:30 PM
You Should Fall For Someone Who Doesn't Love You


It occurred to me the other day that there might be people in this world who have never known unrequited love, have never fallen for someone who didn’t fall too.
I know it’s rarer than a solar eclipse, but it seems likely that some have managed it; people who married their high school sweetheart, who got it right on the first try, who were seemingly born with enough innate confidence to walk right up to the object of their affection and say, “I think you’re great, would you like to go on a date sometime” and whose confidence was rewarded with a resolute, “Absolutely, I’d love to” and a Happily Ever After. The rest of us would be inclined to murder a couple like this if we ever came across them, but I maintain that they are the ones who are missing out. Everyone should fall for someone who doesn’t love them back at least once.
People who don’t love you can be found in many places. Pick the person in a brand new relationship; they can’t see more than five inches past the face of their new love, let alone far enough to see you pining away in the corner. Pick the girl you’ve been friends with for ages, the one who refers to you as a brother and will never see you as anything else. Pick the boy who flirts with everyone, sleeps with everyone, the one who doesn’t know what he’s looking for and never seems satisfied. He’ll do just fine, too.
This has to be more than a crush, more than just a fleeting attraction. Thinking they look cute when they smile, or letting your imagination momentarily wander when they touch your skin isn’t enough. You must love them with every fiber of your being, from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep, day after heartbroken day. Memorize the rhythm and cadence of their voice, the subtle gestures of their hands and each expression of their face, so when you’re asleep and dreaming of a world in which you’re together, it seems real. Feel your soul fracture each morning when you wake up and realize it isn’t.
Let the agony, the obsession, consume you. Nothing hurts quite as exquisitely as loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
Perhaps you think I’m crazy for suggesting anyone let themselves fall into this pit of despair, that I’m an emotional sadist of the worst variety. But darling reader, I assure you I’m not, because eventually something happens to every single person who loves someone who doesn’t love them back: they manage to stop being in love.
While it takes varying amounts of time, everyone finds their breaking point, that moment when enough becomes enough. It could be the third night you cry yourself to sleep, the fifth time they cancel plans with you to be with someone else, or the eighth night in a row you spend getting drunk alone. It can take months, or even years. But here’s what you’ll have once you get there:
After surviving that kind of ache, you’ll be so much stronger, so much more certain of yourself. You’ll see that all pain (physical, emotional, and metal) is a temporary state of being, not a permanent one. There is always a reason to go on, always a reason to fight for yourself.
You’ll realize that because you are not loved by one does not mean you are not loved by all. You’ll understand that love cannot be won like a teddy bear at the fair; cannot be stolen like a rare painting from a museum in the dead of night. You’ll see that real love comes first from within, not from anyone else. You learn that those annoying people who say things like, “real love comes from within” were telling you the truth this whole time, but you had to learn it for yourself. Don’t worry – you don’t need to tell them they were right.
Getting over unrequited love feels like having a blindfold removed – you suddenly see all the love you’ve had in your life this whole time, and you’ll appreciate those individuals like never before. You will be humbled, you will be grateful, you will be wiser.
Here’s the best part, though, about getting over someone who doesn’t love you: you realize that nobody healed your heartache, that you were able to fix yourself all on your own. And once you’ve proven to yourself that you can recover from that, you won’t be afraid to go looking for love again.
And again, and again and again.
And one of those times, you’re bound to be rewarded with someone who reciprocates every ounce of your unbridled affection, who loves you just as much as you love them, and that will be the most supreme feeling of ecstasy you can fathom. You’ll see that loving someone who didn’t love you back was totally worth it.
_______________________________________________

Thank you so, so much for this article. Thank you, thank You. 
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@ 10:47 AM
Be at Peace.
Well hello. I just feel like writing or recording my thoughts now. But I don't feel like doing it in my diary though. So here I am. Lololol. Haha.

As we move along this path we call Life, we begin to understand that there are so many things which are not as bad as they seem. And we always tend to believe that what we're experiencing is the purest, the most authentic, the worst of all. But then you realize that, no, eh, it wasn't really as much as what you thought it was. I think balance is really necessary... 所以我们始终还是回到原点了。

唉。As you grow up you learn to take things as they come. And not be too stubborn at times. Hahahaha I am back to the point of view I held before~

Learning once again to take a step back, and wait. Because what we are experiencing now is not the end; there will always be something beyond the present. Thus we can never come to conclusions too quickly regarding our present situations. Chill, relax, take a step back, and be at peace, my friend.
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Saturday, October 12, 2013 @ 3:19 PM
要学会知足
In life we have to learn how to make do with certain things. And though we don't understand a lot of the events and incidents which happen in our lives. Well. It's meant to be like that. And sometime in the future somehow you will be able to see the reasons behind many things which happen in your lives.

But somehow this year I realize that I am constantly having regrets. Regrets for not doing something, for not choosing something else instead of whatever I chose in the first place. Like this keyboard. I regret the fact that we wanted two touch covers instead of two type covers. It is really much easier to type with a type cover. Well, duh. Aish. And yep so there are many things which I regret.

Still, I do feel that some of these regrets are somewhat shallow and meaningless. I mean, seriously, regretting the fact that you got the touch cover instead of the type cover? There are kids out there who don't even have a laptop. Or a tablet pc. Aish. Why do I keep lusting over the things which I don't have instead of appreciating those I have with me. And yep I do realize that that is one of my weaknesses this year. Greed. This word. This thing. Which has caused Man so much misery. The insatiable lust for a certain thing after you have had a taste of what it is like. That's why I say that we are always unhappier as we are exposed to more things in the world. Because we know what it's like to have reached that level. And thus we won't settle for anything less after knowing that we could achieve so much more.

I really like typing with this type cover. Hahaha. But well I guess I should be happy about the fact that I can still use it for another couple of months. Well.

Okay maybe I should be starting on pw now.

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Friday, October 11, 2013 @ 9:44 PM
When the Times were Good
Why hello... Here I am with my new tablet pc. Hahaha. This is an interesting experience, well... Typing with a touch keypad, omg. I must change the way I type with this already lah. Haha. Damn, never knew that it would be so strange. But well, at least I am still typing O: Just must get used to it bah. Like all new things in our lives... We must get used to them all hahaha. Though actually it gets a bit tiring typing in this way sia. Cause it feels like you have to type in a very hard way. And you can't really rest your hand down on the keyboard also. But eh. You can. Haha well. Just must get used to it bah..

It just feels kinda weird that you are not really pressing down on anything and yet the letters you type are appearing on the screen. But then if you consider it again you can actually feel the slight depression there as you press on the various letters bah. Haha I feel as if my hands are just sliding by the top of the keyboard and then I am really typing.

But anyway.. Hello dear friends. How has life been for you? I must say that it hasn't been particularly smooth for me over the past few days bah. And the past few weeks. And the past few months I guess. Sigh. I feel as if I am perpetually having mood swings nowadays. I would convince myself that I am alright, and that I can survive through it and that I can be happy. But then somehow I don't know why I would sink into that period of depression and sadness again... Sigh. As if all those talks to myself about how I ought to be happy and that I have enough reasons to be happy already have not gone through my head at all. Again and again I find myself repeating words, arguments that I have said to myself previously. I would convince myself and then a few days later I would go back to square one again. When will it ever stop.

Haha, that day Lim Sheng Yang commented that I am very distracted nowadays. Very quiet. He asked me whether I was okay or not. Because now I am very quiet, unlike my bubbly self in that past. Really? Am I quiet now? Is there an obvious change in me? I don't know. I guess I have suddenly reverted back to my sec one self? Before I met anyone who had given me any reason at all to be that happy and joyous. Sometimes I wonder if it is fated to be this way. That any period of happiness will never last because a period of sadness would come soon after. And if that's the case it means that I am actually quite lucky to have had a whole year of pure happiness last year with few bits of murkiness to cloud up my joy.

I find that the more people have, the more unhappy they will tend to get, because we are always unable to stop this inner demon and inner greed in us which will always dictate that we want more. And then we would become unhappy... The simpler things are, the less you would think and the more you would appreciate, right? Aish.

Okay nvm let me get off blogger now...

See you, dear friends.
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Wednesday, October 9, 2013 @ 10:05 PM
today.
Good night, dear world.

I am on my way to finding peace once again.
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Friday, October 4, 2013 @ 8:48 PM
我们的默契 / 奇迹
I like being with you.

With you, I don't have to pretend, at all. I don't have to worry about whether I am bothering you or something if I wanna go anywhere, or eat anything in particular. I can completely be myself when I am around you. I let my emotions (all of them) show on my face. I tell you my absolutely honest thoughts about everything.

Well, have I started to overlook this amazing fact that we can be so comfortable with each other already? And that we have some sort of connection which is truly unique to us, the reason why we were able to become so close within such a short time in the first place?

Maybe.

Those recent two times when you said that you were amazed at the 默契 that we have, I was slightly taken aback. Cause I kinda felt that it was natural that you would understand what I mean and what I would say. Does this mean that I have already gotten so used to the fact that we have some form of 默契?

And did you rediscover it again recently? Hm.

But well... I am starting to notice once again the difference between myself when I am with someone else and myself when I am with you. Even with JL, the difference is quite pronounced. Aish.

I seriously don't know how it works for us though. I mean, I am able to express all of my emotions when I am with you and not hide anything, but at the same time I care about what you think too. And where you wanna eat and stuff. But somehow these two just don't conflict in our relationship. Is that why we are able to have this connection with each other? Because we don't conflict on the most basic level. And at the upper levels, of course we have different thoughts regarding different things, but we both agree that it is absolutely normal (and perhaps necessary) for us to be different too (or else life would get too boring). And we respect each other's thoughts in that sense.

Is that our miracle? Why I like being with you so much? Because I am completely unafraid of being exactly who I am; because I know that you would not leave me or think too badly of me for that. And for the record, you are the one who is able to see my weaknesses down to my core, the one who can list out my strengths and weaknesses without blinking an eye. You see me and know me for the very person whom I am. And I don't think many people is able to see this hidden, and uglier, side of me. What most people see is the bright Hooty, the mature and sensible one, the all-rounded and talented one. Ah well...

Okay, as much as I am loath to leave the keyboard now I have to eat dinner~ I'll be back!

Hi, I'm back. I wonder how you feel when you're with me. Do you feel the same way? Is that why you recently started musing out loud at our 默契?

Ah well. I agree that this connection is hard to find anywhere else. It is borne of months of being together, of spending time with each other endlessly and striving to understand each other, and growing together as well.

Sometimes I am so very proud to have you as the friend of Hui Ting. To pronounce that yes, you, you're the one who is capable of reaching the most hidden depths inside of me. And the two of us are so fated to be together, fit for each other. And you are special enough to be that friend of mine, because I am no ordinary kid and you are extraordinary as well. (I'd like to think that way), that only someone like you would be able to understand me, know me. (from the point of view of Benedict, at least, who seems to think that I am entirely independent and do not need anybody in my life)

You are so wonderful, do you know that? You are not just a face in the crowd - not the plain, normal, 低调 girl you think you are.

But perhaps you do know that innately. :)

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