some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

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Friday, March 15, 2013 @ 10:17 PM
Lost Opportunities

Today a very important lesson has imprinted itself onto me.

We should always grab the opportunity to do things before it's too late.

At this juncture, you might ask: What is it that I experienced today which led me to learn this lesson? Well, there were two incidents which occurred. The first one occurred while we were attending GP Tutorial, our first lesson of the day. While I was sitting down in that chair in that green room, a sudden pain assaulted me at the corner of my jaw. And as absurd as this might sound, I suddenly had an intense feeling that I could be harbouring an acute life-threatening disease which might take away my life in a couple of months' time. And upon having that thought, my being crouched in fear and shied away from it. Because there were people I am still unable to put down. So I couldn't bear the thought of living them, not yet. Not so fast. My heart wrenched in my chest then. So breathless. So painful.

And then we carried on with the tutorial as if nothing happened.

Then the next incident... It happened at Bukit Timah Food Centre. I was searching for a lost bottle then, because a friend forgot to bring her bottle home from there the day before. And I wondered if it would still be there after one day. Something in my chest and mind and soul stubbornly believes in the good of mankind and that by some miracle, I would be holding that green bottle in my grasp, ready to surprise that friend (who was incidently very sad that she lost the bottle). My entire mind was filled with that image, that moment when I could present the bottle back to her. When she least expects it. However... I walked one round around the hawker centre, my eyes sweeping the corners and the tables, and I couldn't find it. I asked one of the stall owners. She said she did see a green bottle the day before but she didn't touch it as it wasn't her responsibility. Then this kind uncle led me to the front of the hawker centre where the lost-and-found things usually ended up at.

The bottle wasn't there any more.

And at that time, as I was walking down the stairs to the bus stop, with waves and waves of choking disappointment crashing down over me, I thought: If only I had gone back that night she called me! If only we had the car at home... If only I had some form of transport there... I would be able to find it. I am sure. And that chance is gone now.... It will never come back, and the bottle is lost for good already.

Man. That was a horrible feeling to behold.

So, remember. Always act before it's too late. Just grab the opportunity. Never be afraid of the consequences. Or else one day the regret might crush you way more than the possible consequences would have had.

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Tuesday, March 12, 2013 @ 10:21 PM
You? Me? Who?

What is dementia? Does it stir up some inkling of fear within you?

I mean, the existence of this disease probes you to think deeper into what your identity actually is. The fact that you can forget about who you are so easily is relatively frightening, don't you think? It shows that your very existence and identity is only encoded in those electric signals traveling to and fro among your innumerable nerve cells, and that one day, if these electric signals are gone, you would be gone with them too.

It's strange to conceive of yourself as a being separate from others only by the pattern of electric current running through your neurons. How... tangible and low that seems. We usually tend to think of our thoughts as intangible things and hence ourselves as uninfiltratable beings, yet reality states that everything we think is coded into these minute electric signals. Strange. Makes you wonder about your purpose in living in this world too. Are you really who you expect yourself to be? Or is everything you know about yourself just a lie presented to you by your brain?

Just some food for thought. (: These ideas struck me as I was brushing my teeth just now haha because I read somewhere that brushing your teeth daily helps to reduce the chances of you getting dementia.

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Saturday, March 9, 2013 @ 10:40 AM
Days and years get insignificant as you grow older. How do you treasure living then?

I feel as if I am trying to grab hold of every opportunity, and every unit of time, but they are slipping away increasingly quickly. Whatever I do now... I spend weeks on it, and then when it's over, I look back, and exhale, where did all that time go? Those nights spent in A317 or LT3 or AVT rehearsing my lines, reaching home later than 10, etc. How could they disappear just like this?

Last night was excruciatingly short. And the most frustrating part of life now is that I just can't /seem/ to control time. The December holidays seem to pass by so slowly now as compared to the school term... And whatever I've done in school so far feels like a dream. Especially Dramafeste.

It's the ninth of March already and what have I done? Yesterday my civics tutor outlined the next two years of our lives for us. It caused me such turmoil to see two whole years written down in that small space on the whiteboard in front of us. Is that even worthy of time? Could we even condense such an otherworldly thing onto that minute physical space on the whiteboard?

More and more I feel that we do not have control over our own lives, and that some things happen because of fate, or coincidence, or luck. As I grow older, days and years become more and more insignificant, so much so that I don't know what I can treasure in my life any more. So many things happen. Many of which I feel are important. Yet when they come next to one another, you can see that some have impacted my life more. I want to remember those which did not affect me so much, those which are probably deemed more "insignificant", but there is just not enough memory power and space in my mind to store that info... I am at a loss.

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recent entries

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