& not-so deep secrets
huiting says hi
Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:
This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.
Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.
Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)
人生就是要盡情地瘋 ／ I am a free soul.
more of me
Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Saturday, October 27, 2012 @ 9:55 PM
我在旷野漂流 漂流的尽头 就是你爱的宽容
Oh gosh, I just read my previous few posts, and um... they are really... um.... Never mind haha.
I just finished watching a drama(: Reply 1997! And the main characters are so sweet haha. You know, stories like this always make me wonder whether miracles as such can really happen in real life.
Though I know I've been a jerk recently! Okay this has no link to whatever I've typed above lol. I'm a jerk, as in, I haven't been very good to some people. Oh well. Never mind, the most important thing is that I've noticed it!
And I realise that I haven't really typed anything meaningful over the past few days. Ah well. Life is like this. I'm sure that when you lock me up at home with nothing to do I would post more things. Be it meaningless or meaningful. But everything has its own meaning and purpose. The meaningless things illustrate clearly to us the value of the meaningful things. So... Everything is important! Yes.
Haha, I'm suddenly reminded of what Sabrina said a few months ago. It was during one of the musical rehearsals. What about uh, friendship and other relationships... Cough. Hahaha.
Then again, I am really anticipating going to your Malaysia house at the start of the holidays(: Hehehe. That is awesome! And it's coming in approximately two weeks!
Oh life is so good.
I really have to start looking for a jobbbbbb.back to top?
Thursday, October 25, 2012 @ 9:18 PM
But I guess everybody would have their ups and downs. It is inevitable. This is life. And what's important is that we'll be supporting one another through it all(:
That is what I'm so moved by.
Thank you, friends, for being there. You are the ones who light up my world and making living worthwhile.back to top?
@ 9:13 PM
You are lovely, don't you know?
It's funny how I can finally start treasuring you so much. And what I have with you. Especially when others comment about you. And it's something I've never known before.
I don't know, am I just very blind? I am so very blessed to have such a relationship with you, yet sometimes I'm asking for so much more than what I actually deserve.
Oh god, I feel like an asshole yet again. A schmuck. A jerk. Argh.
I don't want to see you cry again):
It hurts me tooback to top?
Thursday, October 18, 2012 @ 10:10 PM
Universal Studios Singapore
I'm in such a reflective mood now.. Listening to my music and just thinking about life.
I haven't thought about life in so long. As in, I haven't been reflecting about what I'm doing in my life.
Okay I lost my typing impulse I shall not blog any more...back to top?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012 @ 11:58 AM
Hello all, it's the holidays now! Okay technically it's not, but you know what I mean! Haha xD
Trol, I cannot believe I just painted my nails. They're a very daring shade of pink now. Very daring indeed. Lolol. I guess this is what you do when you have so much time at home ><
I wanna go out soon! Just waiting for Meiling to reply me haha. Blahblahblah. I really should go look for work now 8) Kkay okay byebye!back to top?
Sunday, October 14, 2012 @ 9:26 PM
Not worth it.
Funny how jealousy cuts at you so deeply.
Oh please, stop it. You have no reason to be jealous at all. She's just a friend.
): Why then, oh why? What is wrong with you? Sigh. People have their own lives too, you know. You can't be a part of everything. Why do you even yearn to be a part of everything? Sigh.
I hate how jealousy stabs so deeply.
What does this mean then? Is it like what Jia Yi said? Or is it more? Could best friends really feel this way about each other? Or am I over-thinking it all?
I mean, I would love to believe that it isn't just friendship. No, there is still that tender love there somewhere. Which is more than just friendship. It's a mixture of everything. And everything unique.
Is jealousy a trait that all humans possess? Why is it that one can feel so jealous so easily? Is it because of our desire to have everything? And the best of everything?
Sure, they say that you only get jealous if you care. But isn't that over-caring by too large a margin?
It's like I'm the one spending time with you but the one whom you think about the most is her. Okay it sounds like I'm in a relationship now. But this is just an analogy okay.
Maybe yeah it's just like what I said to you before. Once it's there, it'll always be there. Nothing can take it away.
Yet I still feel so insecure about this. As if I'm the one giving the advice, but the last one to follow it is me... Sigh.
I wonder what will happen when you no longer spend so much time with each other. Will it all fade away? Is this really friendship?
Freak, I really think I'm over-thinking things. Gosh. This is frustrating, somewhat.
I don't want to think about it in this way ): But it's still there! Like it or not, that jealousy really exists. And it must show something, isn't it? The thing now is about whether or not you want to confront and conquer it or let it stay and nest there, like diseased things, in your head and your heart, and in the end screw you up forever. It screws up the relationship too.
Don't let such insignificant and meaningless things take away what you have now. It's not worth it.back to top?
Saturday, October 13, 2012 @ 1:16 PM
Sometimes I can't help but feel like shouting out loud
And now our memories are still filling up rapidly. But there won't be a day when it becomes too much. I hope this will never stop. It will slow down, probably, because after all we still have our own lives. But it'll just continue forward without stopping(: Like a meteorite moving in outer space, without any resultant force acting on it.
Yes, please never stop. I won't get sick of it. I don't think I will. And I don't ever want to get sick of it either.
The first time I can see my future all laid out in front of me, and experience something so strong.back to top?
Monday, October 8, 2012 @ 2:46 PMI think writing keeps me sane. back to top?
@ 2:35 PM
Looks like my "her desires" (look at the sidebar >) will finally come true after EOYs this year. Because I have found someone to do all those things with me(: And whom I know will really do it... Amazing, how much things have progressed, isn't it?
I'm really so glad that no one will judge me for what I post here haha I really love you, these few particular readers of this blog <3
And the EOYs are going to be over soon (so quickly!) this year. This is amazinggg I love it I love how I'm living now. Living, as in being alive and looking at, experiencing this world as me. Hui Ting.
My identity is getting clearer and clearer already. And isn't how we're all supposed to be like? No one will be born a saint. No one can be born wise or clever. We can only experience life and all its aspects before we realise that one way of living it is more meaningful to us. And that will be the way we choose to live it.
And so everybody will have her bad times, her embarrassing times. Because only then will she be able to become the person she is now.
So in essence, we shouldn't be seeking to be that one wise person, or to reach that level of clear-headedness, because it will never be achieved unless we have experienced the other side of what it means.
And that inspires me a lot(:
Somebody once said that the Hootie she knows is a girl who believes in love and fate and dreams and chance. A little like an idealist out of scientific context.
I think that's true. I think I really believe in love. And dreams and chance.back to top?
@ 2:25 PM我们都曾有过 风雨过后的沉重
抱着碎裂的心 继续下一个梦 back to top?
@ 2:16 PM
I guess this is the period when I need some space and so am seeking it right now.
That idea is... So very alluring, yet frightening. It's both. Always both. Because you can't deny that without it, we wouldn't have become the way we are today... So it's still extremely beneficial, right?
Okay yes, even though in the beginning it was all of that, but now of course it has evolved to something else, something more. Which is great. Because even if I lose that, I'll still have what we have now. And what we have now is in fact more lasting than what we had at first lol. So I won't really mind losing it.
Should I just go to frolick at west mall o.O Since there's a library there too. Of sorts. Okay I should :D Then I'd be able to get things done and at the same time eat my beloved frozen yoghurt. Lol.
Okay bye :D
This doesn't mean that it's gone completely though... It has just become more rational(: And isn't this what myself as a person essentially is? The constant factor of change.back to top?
Sunday, October 7, 2012 @ 11:58 AM
Fire away, fire away.
Gosh, this was written on the 5th of September (The Tuesday of the September holidays)... And lol somehow it didn't manage to publish itself. Here is it then.
I'm bulletproof - nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. You shoot me down, but I don't fall...
Yesterday night I was with two of my primary school friends. We were talking before the swimming pool. For hours... And it didn't really matter that there were times when we didn't know what to talk about. We just didn't want that zen feeling to go away. Didn't want to leave.
If I could, I would have stayed over at his house... But I'm a female, and it would be inappropriate. Furthermore he didn't have any sisters.
The three of us... Strange bonds we used to share in the past. I'm sure that thought surfaced in their minds at least once. But I could see them for who they are... The passion, that love for his family, and that compassion... People don't really change that much, do they? The two of them are still quite the same...
And we carried on until late at night. It was so late. I just missed the last bus. And for the first time in my life one of my friends was acting like my mother... Caring for me in that particular way, being concerned as to whether or not I've reached home already.. I feel profoundly humbled.
I'm still wondering what I should do tomorrow. The holiday is starting to slip past. Though this afternoon I was just talking about how I'm glad it was only Tuesday and not Thursday or anything yet..
Well, back to the content about my feelings. Have they been diluted, somehow? I guess they have. It's not that desperate already, after all. And I'm so proud of myself for having completed that song. It flows. And I like it. What it means.
Tomorrow's Wednesday already. It's so fast... And I don't have any reason to whatsapp you or sms you. Must I find some reasons to do so? I do have many in my head, but they just don't seem genuine enough. Does it really matter, though... I think my self-restrain has been growing stronger and stronger through the past few weeks. I don't know why. I can almost just completely ignore it already... Almost. Sigh.
These few days I've been feeling tired, though. I don't really wanna go outside because I'm so tired and I'm quite sick of rushing around already. So sick of thinking so much and taking note of so many things mentally. My brain's weary. But then again, I know that if I stay at home the whole day... I will be unable to accomplish much too. I should draw up a study plan... We only have four weeks left. Four weeks from now. This is quite intimidating. Yes, I have to draw up a study plan.
Okay goodbye. To the world of books now... I'm so glad that I don't have to pack my bag or take note of what I am going to do tomorrow. See you.
I need to grab hold of time.back to top?
@ 11:50 AM
Words, inadequate words. Sometimes I feel handicapped by my inability to express myself using the correct words. Even though I have the advantage of knowing two languages. And of able to speak these two languages rather fluently.
Am I really hopeless? Well actually, I don't think so, haha.
Well, I'm trying. Yes I am. Honestly. I'm reading everyday. And it's not only for the sake of the examinations too, though I don't deny that this factor plays a huge part. I'm just getting hit in the face by my dismal linguistic ability.
Okay goodbye.back to top?
@ 11:49 AM
I realised that when I am in such a mood as now, it irks me when people raise their voices. Actually, even the normal level of talking irks me. I would rather everyone speak softly. So that these noises will not bore their way into my ear, in the sharp and unpleasant way that they are doing it right now. Ugh. This is when and why I take to the cover of my earphones. And my iPod, since my earphones cannot effectively drown out the noise by themselves. Ugh. I would love to retreat into the peace and quiet of a room, but there is nowhere I can go to -_- I guess this is when I feel the most introverted? Just an unwillingness to speak to people. To interact with people. Because those noises and everything annoy me. Though I would make some exceptions, like yesterday.
These few days I have been in a very quiet mood. I don't know how it was brought about though. Probably because I'm tired after such a prolonged period of socialising around? Damn, I wish everyone around me would shut up. Though that's a very selfish way of thinking. Ugh. I can't stand it.
I wonder if true-blue extroverts will ever get tired of socialising? Are there even people at the extreme ends? I guess so... But I guess not everyone is like that. Most people lie along the spectrum. There are rarely people at the ends. The stationary points. Lol.
Gosh. I should use Chinese now.
好吧。。。现在的我还感觉蛮平静的吧。。只是受不了人家大声的时候。实在是太烦了。哇 sian，其实我现在不是很想用华语打字。。我已经开始受不了客厅的气氛了。好象躲进一间宁静的房间里。。一个没有人会打扰我的空间里。唉。好吧。拜拜。拜二见。back to top?
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When the days are cold What to do? The Last Paradise Rationality? Logic? Well fuck you. Hawaii Contemplation. Best way to go about your day A Journey Somewhere I lost a piece of me; smoking cigarettes... what?