some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

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more of me

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Thursday, September 20, 2012 @ 7:30 PM
Oh, love.
It's so amazing how one person's name can have such an effect on you. It's just that name. That one name. When you see it, there will always be some sort of reaction coming from you. A jolt. A smile. A flood of memories. Why, though? Just that one person. The joining of a few letters. And it can have such a huge effect on you. I wonder if that's how you tell that a person is significant to you.

Then again, why? I'm still trying to unravel this mystery.

Or perhaps it's just something very simple to understand.
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Saturday, September 15, 2012 @ 9:30 PM
张开翅膀飞

"We are friends from far away.
When we talk we always have something to say.
Our lives so different yet the same.
Every night we play the game.
We talk of families and about our day.
I always wonder if there's more to say.
Could it have been different for you and I?
Or was fate decided before we could have tried?
For now we play our parts, that's all that's left;
Never knowing if our hearts would have met.
Two people from far away, always asking, "How was your day?". "

如果你也听说  有没有想过我  像普通旧朋友  还是你依然会心疼我?

Music always gives me this indescribable feeling. All the songs, so familiar yet so foreign.

I can't believe I'm going to do that tomorrow. But it's a step forward, yes? I know I have to start studying soon though. Though I can never tell you why I want to study.

But honestly, my dream is to be up there on stage making people laugh. I would love to be able to be so natural on stage one day. Being an entertainer. And when people watch me their minds would be taken away from their problems/troubles temporarily. It gives them space to think. It gives them strength.

That's what I aspire to become):

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Friday, September 14, 2012 @ 11:10 PM
We all need those silent moments of rest.
It sucks sometimes to care. Though honestly I think I'm too tired to care now anyway. Even though there's still this feeling inside of me. I know it exists. But right now I'm just too sick and tired to care. I don't care any more because I'm tired of it. And so it just gradually stops taking priority in my mind.

Whatever stuff I've said before about it... It's true. I won't say that it's false. I won't pretend that it's false either. But maybe, just maybe, it could have been the effect of hormones. Progesterone and oestrogen. Factors which intensified it. And made me thought it was so real and tangible. It's still there now, though - just that I don't want to care now.

I know this post has been random and repetitive. Ambiguous too. My apologies for that. I think I'm too tired already. Tired from everything. Tired from sleeping too late at night every day, and from dragging past my bedtime.

But the celebration for the musical just now was slightly joyful in that way. Something which can make me smile. 微笑。I realise that the memories of the musical which I possess are all quite nice. Freak, I can't find the word. I'm getting so vulgar nowadays. It's just that I don't care any more.

I want to relive it one more time. Bring more laughter to the throng of unfamiliar faces in front of me. That's the one thing I'll be glad about. Yes. Gladness. That's the word. The memories of the musical made me glad.

Okay good night. I'm quite tired.
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Sunday, September 9, 2012 @ 1:57 PM
For now,

You are such a passionate person. I can see it from the way you hug your senior whom you haven't seen in a long time. And the people you love.. You want to spend time with them. Yes, quality time is your love language. And your secondary love language is touch. If you can't have enough time to spend with that person, you would express your love through touch. A hug. A brief touch on the wrist. Hugging again.

Sigh. This analysis of personalities has to stop. No wonder you always say that I think too much. I really do. But I can't help it, can I? ): It's an inherent part of me. Though it really gives rise to some unpleasant feelings at times.

And now I'm trying not to think. So carefully restraining myself, preventing myself from going over the line, and spiralling into that abyss of longing and strange thoughts. Carefully stopping myself from heading down that unstoppable path and sinking into a strange depression. That strange depression I always feel every Sunday. Afternoon.

I wonder what I should do later. I would love to go out to study somewhere. But then again I don't know where I should go. There is only one thought, in my mind, actually. To that place. But we have been there so often in the past week that I think I might be crazy if I go there without you. Without telling you too.

People keep asking me whether I have fallen in love with someone ._. Truth it... how do you differentiate between friendship and love? I don't know. I don't know whether I have crossed that border already or not. I don't know if that border actually exists in the first place... Is this love even allowed? I really have no idea): I can't grasp the concept of what I'm feeling at all... But there must be something there, right. You can't be just another normal friend to me... Or acquaintance. Such atrocity, to use that word. So, I don't know.

Though yes, I say that I have not fallen in love with anybody, because that is true anyway in the context of what they are asking about. Haha. Yes, it's true, I do not like anybody as of now. That really does answer your question. And so I have no reserves about saying that I haven't! Because I am not lying anyway. There is no doubt that you are not asking about all aspects; rather, you are only asking about that which you are familiar and comfortable with...

I wonder if all this anonymity in my blog posts annoy anyone. Oh hm. These three words seem to be connected :x Did the word "anonymous" come from "annoy"? After all you must admit that it is, annoying to an extent, if you don't know what others are talking about. Haha. I amuse myself at times.

Do you actually see yourself clearly? You have such a fascinating personality. But you always say that you are boring/you have a very bad character etc. You always complain that you have no passion, and no strengths as well... But you do. Honestly, yes. Even though I wrote that song for you it doesn't encompass all that I want to say of you D: I wish I could see you in your field. According to them, during that trip last year, you were the leader... And you were so different when you were up on stage addressing the rest of them. I wish I could see that you.

Then again, I am immensely glad that I've had the chance to see most of your sides already. Witness you being cute, witness you being emo, 撒娇-ing, concentrating, being serious. You laughing at silly things as well. Being high. Being zen. Being like a teacher. Like an older sibling. Like a guide. A guardian... So many things you are, why can't you see? I see some of your dreams, your desires. Though you don't say them out loud.

As much as I thought the song was not bad, in retrospect now, it doesn't really tell us about a lot of things. It's so vague sometimes... And can be used in so many aspects. Maybe that is my subconsciousness' way of protecting myself... Still withholding all that info and those feelings from you, and everyone else, not allowing anyone to see clearly and completely. Wow.

This blog post has been so honest and transparent. I haven't felt so at peace after writing something like this in so long. Away goes the exasperation and frustration. Confusion too. I'm glad.

I do feel like continuing this. But I guess it's time to turn to other things. This is enough, for now (:

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recent entries

Painful longing for another day C'est la vie, ma cherie. Antibiotics Perfectionist streaks. Now Playing: Autumn Finds Winter - Yiruma Eating as a form of distraction One of those days A foggy world(?) Don't know why I'm writing this down We call everything on the ice, "love".