some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

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more of me

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012 @ 10:36 PM
我 在曠野漂流 漂流的盡頭 就是你愛的寬容

I am happy. Because I am going to make someone happy. It's as simple as that.

Don't you like making people happy? I like making people happy. I think that's also partially the reason why I live in this world. I'd like to make people happy.

Make as many people happy as possible. Since we can only exist on this earth for such a short period of time and can't really change anything in particular too let's just try our best to make as many people happy as possible. That's what Martin Luther King did. What Mother Theresa did. What Ghandi did. What Rosa Parks did. A few hundred years later people are unlikely to remember them as vividly as we do now already. But at least in the period of time when they existed, and when they existed in other people's minds and memories, they made people happy.

And so that shall be my goal for my life.

But actually, isn't it very easy to make people happy? A simple smile would suffice. Yet much of the time we are all afraid to smile at others. Why is that so? Are we afraid of rejection? Or that the person we are smiling to will think that we are crazy? Because we don't know them and they don't know us?

But aren't we all humans? The same blood runs in our veins. And so we shouldn't be afraid to smile at other people. Is not allowing others any chance to laugh at us at all worth losing a million smiles?

I don't think so.

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Monday, August 27, 2012 @ 8:55 PM
至少我爱过

I can feel my heart beating.

I ought to be happy that there's someone there for you - someone who can make you smile with his/her cuteness. In fact, yes, I am trying to be happy... I want to smile for you. To smile for the fact that there is someone who loves you, and that you know it too.

No matter what she said in the afternoon just now.. And no matter how much I think... I think I'm the one who's possessive. The possessive one is not in any way you. What do you have to be possessive about anyway? I am already here... regardless of whether you know it or not. On the contrary... I myself am confused): It is so obvious that I'm the possessive one.. I'm just trying to reign in all these feelings of control, you know, because I know that you should have your own life too. And I ought to be happy for you. Seeing you build so many friendships, and solid ones too.

Today, in the afternoon, I was thinking so much about friendships, about how we can never be a close friend to everyone in our lives. There will definitely be a few closer ones. And we would naturally notice them more... Wouldn't we? As for those normal friends... I feel a little guilty that I don't notice them enough. That I'm the last one to notice whenever someone's upset. In a way, a selfish way, I want to be the person who's there when people need someone... But that's not possible, isn't it? We cannot hope to be that pillar of support for everyone in need. And we shouldn't be so greedy too to want to be the one people thank after they have been lifted out of their darknesses.

Sigh. Maybe I'm not even destined to be that one for you. But I'm trying. I'm trying. And I'm trying to let go, too. If smiling involves forgetting... Could I manage that? Would I be able to do so? Should I? That would mean the crumpling down of many walls of feelings... I assume that many things wouldn't be the same any more.

But if I had no feelings we wouldn't be at this stage in the first place ):

Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone on this route to achieving that deeper bond...

Could I forget? If it means that you will be happy in all the ways you can, I guess.

I should smile for you.

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Sunday, August 26, 2012 @ 6:25 PM
Feeling like you're being annoying to the person you want to talk to

 Why do I feel as if time is passing by too quickly for my liking ._.

And I've finally found an excuse to blog. Hallelujah. Maybe these few weeks have been too hectic for me. Lol. I was rarely at home. I think I have really grown to dislike being stationed in this house ._. It was only because I slept half the afternoon away just now that I didn't feel that horrible mood. And probably because I had something to do - filing - which I can't do anywhere else anyway. I'm so proud of myself now because I have filed three subjects neatly! Biology, Math and Chemistry. You won't believe how thick my Math file is. More than half the thickness comes from the notes lol. Cause I stuffed in some notes from last year too, I guess. Haha Math files are always killers.

Anyway, back to the topic... As I was filing Biology just now it just hit me that we didn't really learn much this year. Maybe it just felt like this year passed too quickly. Really too quickly. We will never have another first year at Nanyang... We would never go into a new classroom there, and meet new teachers. And go through a new first term. I'm starting to feel so nolstalgic... I can't believe we only have 11 weeks left here. It feels like nothing. Term three was just.. Gone. So quickly! And I still thought that the June holidays only passed by so recently!

Pretty soon I'll be moving out of this house too... No more sitting there at the area between the dining place and the living room to file my worksheets and notes... No more filing of stuff to prepare for EOYs... Though most people will be glad to have it over and done with, I'm a little reluctant to go through with it. I mean, I have spent so many years doing this... And now it's going to be over soon):

Sigh.

What has happened to time? Has my perception of time sped up? Half my sixteen-year-old life is over already. Shit. In two weeks' time I'll be celebrating the birthday of someone really special to me... Oh God. That will be the second time I'm celebrating it haha. But the previous time doesn't seem that long ago though): 转眼间已经认识婷婷四年了。。你们也是一样): 当时的我和现在的我肯定很不一样吧?足够说上有天渊之别吗?

是的,大家说得对,中学期间真是我们成长最多的期间。经过了那么多的风风雨雨。。真不敢相信很快就要离开这个地方了。。

我想三年前的我和现在的我的华文水平还是一样的差 ._. 啊。。。还记得三年前我们也都在准备着年底考试。当时最担心的科目是历史。。那时候我们都疯狂地背着所有的资料。。现在却习惯了。

My heart is squeezing as I'm thinking of these :( All those things I've went through... big and small. And here I am at this stage of my life, looking back and wondering if those memories might one day be lost or if they might accompany throughout the rest of my life. All those people I've met... Who have impacted me so much in their own ways D: We are really shaped by our circumstances and environment.

Five years ago I would never really have imagined that I'll be who I am now. And five years later, who will I be? It's interesting to reflect and reminisce about the future and the past. Ah well.

I need you for more than just tonight. 


We should all be happy and enjoy every single event present in life yes?(: Every single thing too. Take everything which comes our way happily.

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Monday, August 20, 2012 @ 10:56 PM
Shit and memories.

I think we all do go through that period of time when we are just lost about everything we want in life. It happens. I see it happening to the friends around me, and I see it happening to myself ><

But it's okay. Because it will pass. And through it all, our friends will be with us.

(:

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Sunday, August 12, 2012 @ 10:06 AM
天边的彩霞

一个字也不愿说。我是那么的不想让人得到任何关于我的消息。

爱是什么?难道那种疯狂性的爱也叫爱吗?

唉。我们哪,都在成长的过程中。许多事都不了解。有些事甚至等到了领悟的那一刻时,已经太晚了。好多事我们都害怕去做,也不会去做。可是,若一天到晚只会坐在那儿发呆,这对自己有什么好处呢?每次都说自己一定会去做,可是到了最后始终还是提不起精神来。就算是愣在那儿自言自语了一会儿后还是不够起劲。这种感觉让我感到如此的自卑。埋怨自己是那么的弱小、虚弱。连自己的思想都控制不住。

天看起来好黑。世界的另一边似乎开始下雨了。这雨,什么时候才会来到我这儿呢?

我用心地去想、拼了命地去想,最终还是得不到任何总结。

我决定要生活在一个没有你的世界。就只有今天。今天,让我玩个够吧。让我花一点时间生活在自己的世界里。让我不去想你,也不去留意你的所作所为。我想该是从新整理一下我的生活的时候了。没有你,我依然能走下去。

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