& not-so deep secrets
huiting says hi
Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:
This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.
Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.
Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)
人生就是要盡情地瘋 ／ I am a free soul.
more of me
Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Wednesday, February 29, 2012 @ 8:02 PM
and this time, it's from the heart.
Hello I am here again even though I am supposed to be planning for my IH essay now. Well it can't be helped because as I was on my way to my hotmail account, I accidently clicked on the link to my blog, and after reading that post about 401 I was reminded of how I had something which I wanted to say and so I'm here now. Lol. Look at the dangers of the internet and the computer D< This is precisely why I do not like working on the computer haha. The number of distractions is just overwhelming.
I suddenly feel this extremely great love for 401. It's like I'm finally able to comprehend just how much you matter to me. All along, I've been sort of taking you for granted, cause you were just there everyday and I had no reason to feel afraid.
But out of the blue, I've started thinking more about life, and about you all. I guess this is part of growing up? Learning to treasure things and think about stuff that you have now. Have you been taking any thing in your life for granted? Just because it has always been there, within your reach for such a long time that you've somehow gotten immune to its effects on you. It's not that it doesn't have any effects on you though; it's just that you have gotten used to it. And so you do not notice it as it is nothing out of the ordinary. The ironic thing is that is precisely what shaped you. And it is something so unique and lovely that you can have no other way of describing it. Sadly, for some dumb reason, the human body adapts to it being there, and so day by day we fail more and more at noticing its exceptional beauty.
401 was like that to me. My classmates, my friends, my teachers. The things we do after school, the things we laugh about. Or maybe it's just me. Actually I think a huge constituent of the reason is me :x Lol. Okay fine I concede that I am just an abnormal person who tries her best to distance herself from others - even those who actually really share almost all of her interests, in other words, her 志同道合的好朋友 (for heaven's sake oh God) - for some I don't know what reason. It's strange! Why am I distancing myself from you all? (or rather, why was I) It's such a dumb thing to do, given that we were really brought together by such fate and everything. You all are a part of my life for a very special reason, and I shouldn't just let this opportunity and fate slip away.
Perhaps I'm just a conceited old fool. One who thinks that she is above the rest. One who is too arrogant for her own good O: This is not good, I should change this. This attitude of superiority, that I don't need anyone. Meh. Not good. Not good at all.
Which is why I am typing all that I am typing now :D
It's great that I've realised the importance of you, my friends, before I've lost you. This gives me time to plan what exactly I want to do in this year, and more time to spend meaningfully with you :D We are finally not letting time make fun of us.
And since we have discovered this early, I want to say, treasure all that you have with this class this year. Even though I know that not many people will read this (seeing as not everyone knows the link to my blog/are avid blog readers), I just want to say,
I really, really, love you all, and please always know that you have made such a big difference in my life. ♥back to top?
Friday, February 24, 2012 @ 6:37 PM
And time is passing so quickly. Oh God.
What about 401, then?! Damn! It's already February 24th! Why is time passing so quickly?back to top?
@ 6:12 PM
back to top?
I really love 401 conversations.
I am going to digress. You know, a long time ago I was still a blind follower of the word "Maths". After one eventful lesson when Mdm Lee told us that Math is Math and not Maths, I completely switched my way of saying it :D Previously I would continue being stubborn whenever someone talked about Math - and continue calling it Maths in their faces lol.
Okay back to the topic.
You know, a day ago I just realised that we only have less than one year to spend together as a class. And don't deny this - it won't be the same when we are all in different classes next time. It won't be the same again. We can't come back to this stage again because it has passed. And I'm scared. Of losing us D:
In my mind I ran through all the "special times" we would be able to spend with one another. And then it dawned on me that there were only so few times we could spend together as a class, whole and full and uniquely us only. The US trip is one of those rare times. And I won't be able to go. Not so much as the circumstances forced me to be unable to go; more of that the future me tells me that I can't go. For the sake of what I want to do in the future.
And then this got me thinking. Is my future or is my friendship with every single one of 401 more important? There remains other chances for me to pursue my dream. But are there still so many solid chances left for me to spend with my family? This whole big group of girls who have already evolved into people who are more than friends to me.
I mean, I see them virtually everyday. I'm scared that everything will be different without them. In fact, everything will be different. The new life over there at hwachong... A new class... New friends...
But what will become of those friendships which I never had the chance to build? People in this class whose character, strengths, desires, stories still remain unknown to me? People like Mei Ling, whom I've only just started really knowing?
I'm afraid that it will all end even before it truly started.
So now, as I go to class everyday, I pray that I will not just care about academics, my dream or how cool I am only. I pray that I will have the courage and initiative to start talking to people more. Or else these chances will disappear. And never come back.
You know, people always say that we should treasure and grab every opportunity which presents itself to us. When I hear that, I always think of those big opportunities, like the chance to participate in NSC, the act of choosing to go for the musical auditions... But then I've only started comprehending that this doesn't apply to big events only. It applies also to things in our everyday life, like knowing the people around us whom we tend to take for granted more. And that's what I'm going to start doing.
Thursday, February 23, 2012 @ 10:16 PM
有时候 那忽冷忽热的自己 连我都会感到迷惑
但愿她和我能够相遇、融为一体。back to top?
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 @ 6:17 PM
Staying that way.
Just read through all the notes you all gave me over the past few years :D And they really made me smile like hell. Those important memories and key events which happened in my life... I never want to forget. That's why I'm keeping those precious little slips of paper in that precious box. Filled with things which inspire me.
I just want to say
Thank you all <3 for being such an important part of my life. Though most of the time I don't know it. Probably because I somehow desensitized myself towards it.
But nevertheless, thank you all for all those words and memories. You have no idea how much they inspire me and make me smile once in a while (like now) when I have an overwhelming urge to open up that box and relive some memories.
Yi Xin. Ting Ting. Sabrina. Han Yi. Michelle. Rachel Ng. Rachel Wu. Rebecca. Fiona. Jamie. Li Shuen. Xuan Li. My family. Whoever else in that box of memories. Thank you.
That box will serve as a time capsule for me. To remember what it was like during those moments in 2009. 2010. Dramafest. Splendor in the Grass. Our separation (213).
All of you probably lead different lives now. I wonder whether you all still remember that feeling of being together? In that one cool classroom. Especially during dramafest, when that memory of working together is still fresh. We were as one. We encouraged and helped one another. And all those friendships developed... I hope they will not go away.
As we plough through day after day of our new lives, I hope we'll still remember our past. For after all, it is our past which shaped us into what we are today. Every little bit is important. Every little bit is significant.
In those notes, I realised that there were two recurring words used to describe me. Confidence and joy. (disregarding "sexy" and "intimidating first impression") And as I read through those notes, I can't help but wonder: do I still possess those traits now? People used to describe me as happy-go-lucky. I cannot believe it O: Right now I don't think anyone would describe me as a very high person... The life and joy of the class. Nope. Which makes me wonder. How have I changed so much? Why have I changed so much? Do I still retain even that little bit of highness in me? I don't remember laughing so much now... Mostly I think a lot more than what I used to O: And perhaps I'm more bitter... Perhaps I've finally realised the harshness of life? And the truth of many things has already settled in?
I always say that I will not be affected by the process of growing up. As in, I will not lose my childish happiness and innocence. But I guess it's inevitable... Perhaps growing up has already started taking its toll on me D: And I can't help it. Sigh.
How am I like now? Rebecca told me, at the end of Secondary 2, that she just feels happy when she's around me. She gets infected by my joy.
Gah how I wish I could continue doing that now.back to top?
Tuesday, February 21, 2012 @ 9:04 PM
I don't know whether I've ever mentioned this, but I have a love for spewing out stuff.
Okay for a reason I don't comprehend - or actually know, for that matter - I just felt like typing that above line out. Do I really have a love for spewing out stuff? More of the act of typing and listening to that familiar gentle whoosh sound as my fingers brush across the surface of the keyboard.
Typing in itself is an art. How does your brain remember where those individual letters are? And who the hell decided that the keyboard should be arranged in this way anyway. How weird. There are seemingly no connections between any of the letters. Except for the fact that they are all spread out and you can't help but to reach to all different parts of the keyboard when you type? So that you will spread the work out evenly between all of your fingers as you type?
Anyway it's damn cool that your brain can actually work so quickly to figure out where each of the individual letters are and just order your fingers to press them to form words. And isn't it a miracle how your fingers know exactly when to press such that you type quickly but in the right order too? I mean, you rarely press another letter before you are supposed to. How cool :D Much like how you are able to coordinate your hands perfectly when you drop a ruler with one hand and catch it with the other, so that it doesn't seem as if the ruler has moved at all. This coordination is so... Powerful O: And it's so present in all aspects of our lives that we kind of don't notice it/remember it and its beauty. The nervous system is so pro.
You know, this is why I love Bio :D Because the things I learn will slowly click into place every now and then. And I'd realise the answer to a question I don't remember myself asking a long time ago! So great! Maybe at that point in time when something clicks, a nerve cell is actually forming a synapse with another lol. This is so funny haha. I wonder what is the rate at which synapses form. Is it very quick? Do they form once every second as we are growing up? Hm.
Biology is really so great :D Especially when you are learning about your own body and how it works. Previously, you already know that your body works (because duh, if it doesn't work you won't be here already) but you just didn't understand why. And now as those little details fall perfectly into place, my jaw is dropping bit by bit at the awe-striking beauty of it all.
I really love it.back to top?
Monday, February 20, 2012 @ 10:09 PM
I feel... Strangely relieved. And happy. Like something I was dreading has passed. What is it that I was dreading, I don't know. But my heart feels so much lighter now. And a little of that soaring feeling is coming back in. Is this some sort of a crazy mood swing session?
Drats to PMS. It is one of the strangest phenomenon that I will ever experience in my lifetime.
I mean, what's the point of making women so moody? And even more unpredictable than usual during this period of time? So much so that even they themselves can't predict themselves. How dangerous. It's like we are succumbing to the control of such a simple chemical. A hormone. Makes you wonder how much control you actually have over the world and your body.
You know they say that it is your own mindset which can prevent you from falling into depression. But the point is, how can you control this disease-like thing? When you are in a state of depression, you just don't think of anything else. How then, do you lift yourself out of that miserable state? How do you save yourself? This is why I am so afraid that I will not be able to stop myself from suffering from depression, you know. All those people who have committed suicide because they were depressed - who can say whether this will or will not happen to you? It's not like you can control it. Unless it's some sort of a habit that your body has gotten into, to be happy, and it's not that easily changeable. Oh well.
Especially for those kind of conditions where you really can't control. Like post-menopausal depression. Like what the shit, how can you control whether or not you become depressed after menopausal! Is there even a way to do so? To prevent it? Maybe you should start stockpiling endorphins in your body O: Lol I wonder what sort of effect that would create hahahaha. Crazy high siaoness :X I don't think you can turn the effects of endorphins on and off...
Okay it is late. I shall go continue what I planned to do in the first place - to research on the various terms which came up in the biomedical qualifying round which looked interesting O:
Actually to be frank almost everything about Biology is interesting to me :Dback to top?
@ 9:18 PM
Like a second nature.
I am tired. Oh God it seems like nowadays every one of my posts begins with this phrase. Does it symbolise anything, I wonder?
Actually to be completely truthful I am not tired all the time. It's just that somehow whenever I think posting something, it would be when I'm tired. Lol. Maybe this is my stimulus for posting haha. The fact that I am tired.
Well I guess I won't add any meaning to my life if I just continue posting like that, since I have nothing concrete in mind to talk about. It's not as if I suddenly had an epiphany and had to record it down. So yeah.
Bye(: Back to math lol. And the pile of presents which are waiting to be wrapped. I'm so sorry but I really haven't seemed to be able to find the time or the inspiration to do so D: And so I keep procrastinating. And procrastinating. And pushing it back, and back, and back. Gah I'm so sorry. Oh well whatever bye bye for now.back to top?
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 @ 10:06 PM
Although it's only 10.05pm.
I think my body has been through too much today. My mind as well. I need to rest.
I realised that I must have faith in myself regardless of whatever I do. I tend to dive underneath every now and then.
And now I'm not coherent because I really am very tired and very much want to go to bed.
So see you, then.
P.S. I like the new 古筝 song we're learning - 晚会. It's lively and nice. One of the few solo songs which I enjoy playing. Well mainly cause it's not hard to learn as well. Oh well. Okay see you tomorrow.back to top?
Monday, February 13, 2012 @ 2:33 PM
And Life, Really.
I feel at peace now. I love it when those little spurts of joy hit me at random moments in life. And my heart will just leap at the happiness of being alive. How I can appreciate everything around me! The trees, the buildings, this very society and system which we built out of nothing. And those little moments of peace.
It's a combination of excitement, supreme happiness, and just contentment. This feeling's similar to when you are anticipating something to happen. For instance, when you are meeting up with a group of friends you haven't seen in a while for a party. Or when you are going on an excursion or going overseas. That... anticipation. Simple happiness. I guess this is where the "excited" part comes in as well, since there's actually nothing I can feel excited for haha. It just contributes to the overall feeling in my heart :D My soul.
I've been feeling stressed over the past month - January especially - because I am unable to achieve something I really wanted to. It's subconscious. It was only after I talked to Yi Xin on Saturday after the auditions about how I worry a lot about little things that I understood fully. Yi Xin said that she was feeling a little stressed or something (I can't remember) and I said that she couldn't put in 100% for everything, or else she would die. And it's only when I'm trying to explain this to her that I comprehended it O: The learning pyramid really holds true! I learn the most when I am explaining something to somebody. And this does not only include Math, Biology or anything academically related; it includes lessons about life as well. Sigh. One of the joys of thinking and sharing your views. And giving advice. Because - strange enough as it seems - you learn from the advice you give too. Haha. It's so cool.
Yep, back to the point - the stressed me. Have you noticed a change in how I operate this year? There's a huge difference from last year. And the year before. Previously, I was quite.. Relaxed about things. I didn't think that there was a need to stress myself out over such matters, because I firmly believed that academics wasn't the most important thing in life. I don't know whether it's due to the Nanjing trip or a crazy conviction to finally achieve an msg of 1.0 or whatever, but after the holidays last year I just had this crazy impulse to do everything to perfection. And I believed in it myself - that I had to do it. It was kind of like a... must. An unjustifiable reason. Many times I tried to reason it out with myself, but it just didn't really turn out right. It's like I believed in something but did not understand why I believed in it, and my mind tries to provide reasons which are not really the real reasons why but I still believe in it. Complicated. I suppose this is what being in a trance feels like. At least my mind tries to fight back and I tried to reason with it though it didn't really come to any good O: It shows that I wasn't just blindly following along? Oh well. This still doesn't justify why I felt that way though.
Anyway, after explaining to Yi Xin, voila, I've found the hook! The crux of the issue! Okay it's not like I just had an epiphany there and then. It was more like an extended epiphany. One which takes you a period of time to completely have. It was a beginning, though. Something which I really needed, just that I didn't know it. After I went back, I thought about it a few times, when I am reminded of it some way or another. And then it finally began to make sense. What I was believing over the past few years finally dawned on me. And I found myself again. That which makes me me - my thoughts, my beliefs, my convictions. Sigh.
It's been a long and tiring journey, this process of rediscovering me. Nevertheless, I'm glad I went through it, because this marks another chapter in my life. Like what I've said in the earlier post, I cannot really appreciate how I view the world until I view it from a different point of view. All along, I've been carrying this relaxed attitude. Now, I've finally had the chance to see and experience how it's like to be not relaxed. And I can finally really appreciate being relaxed.
I feel sad for those who have been fighting again and yet again for perfection in every aspect of their lives (though I know I may not have the right to feel sad, but still.) I'm sorry but please don't judge me. I'm not saying that I'm a sacred person who knows it all; in fact I possess so little knowledge about the world and what still remains to be discovered. This though, is something I've found from my still-short journey in this world, and I would like to share it with you all.
I don't know how people can handle that amount of stress all the time. Perhaps I'm just not that kind of person who can handle it. It's really horrible, being in a constant worrying frenzy. Worrying about this, worrying about that, worrying about your test scores, worrying about your conduct, the book which you've lost, what others might think of you. Worrying about not understanding Math enough, worrying about not having enough initiative to read up more on certain topics. Gah. It's mad, seriously.
You can't give 100% for everything in life. You would die. You can't worry about everything in life too. So stop striving for perfection to its fullest extent. This is what I've learnt the hard way, because instead of helping me, the strive for perfection almost killed me. Me as in the person who makes me. I don't want to be just some crazy person who cares about nothing but work. (not that I'm saying that people like that are crazy. It just doesn't apply to me.)
And life, really, once you make that decision, it's so easy to carry on with it. I've finally accepted that nobody can be perfect. I won't destroy myself by attempting to prove that wrong.
See you(:back to top?
Sunday, February 12, 2012 @ 6:59 PM
I love surprising people. That look on their faces when I pop an unexpected, nicely wrapped gift out of nowhere, without any obvious occasion. It's awesome :D
And yesterday, when I opened my mouth and started singing the first line of "Price Tag"... The look on the directors' faces. HAHA! Mission accomplished, man. 8D I've always loved adding in the element of surprise to anything I do! Including written tasks in both Sec One and Two. And random gifts for people (hehe Sabrina) and random things I say during presentations etc. Those unique ways of presenting what I want to say to people 8D Be it for whatever purposes. It makes me happy.
And now I realise that I like giving gifts not because my secondary love language is gifts (in fact, I'm not really sure whether it's gifts), but rather because I like observing people's faces when they open it/see it. Actually, just the very act of imagining their smiles/looks of surprise is enough for me. This is actually what prompts me to get something for someone O: When I unintentionally notice something and how it fits that person, and then buys it for him/her, it's actually motivated by the images in my mind. Of that person's look of surprise etc. Haha. And how happy that person will be. Even if I won't be there to see them opening the present bit by bit, I'm contented with just imagining it :x Lol, seriously, even if I am present, and that smile doesn't really appear on that person's face, I'm contented too. HAHA. Merely because I've imagined it and seen it in my mind's eye. Strange how the mind works :D
That's why gift-shopping has never really worked for me. Whenever I go out with the intention of purchasing something for a particular someone in mind, I never end up happy with the things I buy. I would be pondering over the cost of the thing, the appearance of the thing etc. And it won't really fit, you know? Ah damn, I've finally learnt this lesson haha. For the past few gifts I've gotten for people, it's been like this. And yes, it was real horrible. That process of agonising over what exactly to get. Will this be better, or will that be better? But damn it, this one is so expensive! Gah.
So cold. So... not from the heart. Insincere. And it sucks, cause I end up not being happy anyway. Firstly and mostly at myself for being such a huge cheapskate bastard and next for buying something that that person will have a higher probability of not liking. Like, buying it for the sake of buying it, you know? Not because I think that that person would like it/that it would fit him/her. And this feeling sucks. I'll feel tired, weary, and disgusted at myself. Not good. Not the type of feeling you should get from giving someone something.
The act of giving in itself is already joyful. Forced givings won't get you anywhere. And so, yes, I will not give for the sake of giving because someone else has given me something and I feel obliged to "return the favour" or because I want that particular someone to give me something in return on my birthday. That is not the point of giving at all.
If you gift, gift with your heart.back to top?
@ 11:07 AM
At this point, I feel as if life is leading me on by itself.
It's like I've made the decision a long time ago, and now I involuntarily follow it. The decision I've made seems to have opened up a clear path for me. All other things are seemingly irrelevant already. It's like this is my future, and nothing can change it.
It's quite amusing, tracing back how I'm slowly advanced towards this step in life. I took two years to completely convince myself that this is the way I want to go. I know it's not as noble as some other people who wish to dedicate their lives to helping others in need, but this is.. somehow irrelevant. Because these two things are perhaps completely independent from each other. One is my career path, and another is a desire to help...
When I speak of help, all that comes to my mind is an image of Mother Theresa. Gandhi. Agents of change. What they've done is so huge that the idea that helping others = causing a big and significant change is lodged in my head. I keep wondering: what do I want to do in this life of mine? I want to change something about the world, but that's... ambitious. Too ambitious. I can't wish to change things as much as some people have done. That's really too pro... And so I believe that I can't change anything about the world, because change = something huge.
But the thing is, change needn't be something huge. A small change can be considered as a change too D: Gah. I'm so woefully incoherent. This sucks. Why the hell am I so incoherent. Why the hell can't I express my thoughts in such a fluent and meaningful way without changing the meaning of what I want to say unintentionally simply because I don't possess those literary powers to enable me to do so. Damn it. This is so vexing.
Sometimes I envy those who can speak so fluently. Though inside of me I know that if I put in enough effort, I'll be able to reach that stage too. Nevertheless, the outside, whiny, lazy me refuses to believe that I can be coherent if I want to. It must be a chore to read my blog. Given my limited vocabulary range. The repetition of the same words over and over again. It must be so boring. Sigh.
Why, though? Why not the mastering of two languages at once? Why the constant fluctuations?
You know, I think I know only 20,000 words or something ._. Sigh I shall not stay here and continue moping.back to top?
Wednesday, February 8, 2012 @ 8:25 PM
Death and Passing
What's death and what's passing?
As Dr. Toh Chin Chye's funeral ends, I can't help but think. It's just as what Mr. Lee Hsien Loong said. His passing marks the rapid transition of our society into what is known as the "fortunate second generation". The generation which has no recollections of the past. And one can't help but wonder about the future of Singapore as a whole. You know the saying "Fortune never lasts past the third generation"? The first generation is the generation which works hard and gets rewarded. Their fortune is then passed down to the next generation, who will continue their work. Finally, as the second generation leaves the world, the third generation would take over, and instead of bringing the company or whatever to greater heights, would squander away all that hard-earned money.
Sigh. I wonder if Singapore will be like this? Plunged into this cycle over and over again. Well I believe in cycles anyway. I don't believe that we will continue being such a "powerful small nation". Some day, those problems and tiny details which we overlooked will come racing back to us. Some are already starting to catch up. Like the income gap etc. Well, all I can say is too bad, we shall wait and see.
If I've never told you before (which I probably haven't), one of my philosophies in life is to be what I am required to be. I don't believe that there is such a thing as a completely good and pure world. Good will never be able to triumph completely. There will definitely always be times when evil tops. Even if one day, all sources of evil have seemingly been eradicated, it won't stay for long, because eventually, people will start losing their meaning in life. What's the point of being "good" when there's no evil involved? It's only when you face evil can you show your good side and truly appreciate what's good. It's like how you cannot appreciate happiness and whatever you have unless you have been through sadness. Hence I believe that there is no such thing as complete happiness or purity.
After long, there will be no point in being good. And that's when people will lose the sense of what's right.
And at that point, if I must, I will be the one who stands out and acts as the evil for those heroes to eradicate. I am willing to be the "bad guy" if it means that I can cure people of that sickness of taking everything for granted. It's like Batman: The Dark Knight. He is who the people needs him to be, and right now, at the end of the show, people need him to be the one behind all those crimes so that their leader can emerge. And so he accepts it.
Which brings us to the question: What is good, actually? Is evil done in the name of good really evil?back to top?
@ 7:40 PM
I love my (new) laptop. It is so very nice to type with. And I'm gradually starting to get used to it already. Yay :D
And I'm kinda happy with today too! Because we have nothing much to do! Thank God we don't have to do that SEQ tomorrow. And it still surprises me that there's home-learning on Friday :X Haha. So like me to not know what's going on until the last minute. Lala. Whatever :D
What was I going to say? Nothing much, actually. I only wanted to post that I love this new laptop on mine :X Contemplated updating it as a facebook status, but I didn't really feel comfortable with that. I mean, there are more than 500 people who can view what I write there. And most of them I'm not familiar with/close to. Hence I chose to post it here instead! Because the people who read this blog know that I'm not showing off that I'm a rich girl or anything (I'm actually not). It's because I really feel happy and glad and completely surprised and new and refreshed that I type it out. Not that I want others to feel jealous of me. But because I'm happy and I want to share my joy :D And the feeling of experiencing something new. Heehee. Hope you all understand! Lala. You know in some - wait, scratch that, many - ways, I'm glad that I have this blog. It's not too public but not so private such that I and only I can read it :x And it's good somehow! Though more often that not I actually forget that there are people reading this blog.
I am now attempting to get used to pressing the space bar with my left thumb instead of my right thumb. It is succeeding a little, I guess. Though I'm really much more used to pressing it with my right thumb. Lalala.
Okay whatever I shall go to bathe now.
Always remember that the joy in life is impossible to be summarised into a tiny page and felt all at once. And that is the miracle of it - because whatever you do, you can be assured that joy can be found in it.back to top?
Tuesday, February 7, 2012 @ 9:14 PM
Imma sleep early today. Recently I've been sleeping lately every day. It's a bad habit which I've unfortunately gotten myself into, after ISYF. Lol. All though guilty late nights ahh... Not sleeping till 2+ in the morning. Haha. It's bad for health people! From now on I shall resume my normal sleeping patterns :x
You know I keep forgetting that I own this laptop now. That it's mine. That I even own a laptop, actually. It just feels very surreal. I guess because it's sitting at this very same spot as those previous laptops which I've used to do whatever I was supposed to do. So it doesn't really feel mine, in that sense. I'm just using it like how I use those other laptops :X Oops. Haha. Maybe if I had my own room then it'd feel different. Cause instead of being out in the living room, I could have used the laptop in my own room. And everything would be different. A whole new world of possibilities would have been opened up. Now though, it just feels like a common laptop that the whole household shares :x I wonder if that's a good or a bad thing. Bad thing in the sense that I won't take care of it properly like it's my own. Good thing in the sense that I won't obsess over it O: But I want to obsess over it! Finally, something of my own! There whenever I want it to be there! I can just use it whenever I like! With all my shortcuts, links, and everything! Private and all O:
Hm well I suppose I'm not really used to the idea of privacy. After all, I've never had my own room. Nor my own laptop O: Now it feels foreign. Lala. I hope that feeling of possession comes soon :x Cause it'll be a real pity if my family got this for me and all I do is leave it at home! I'm going to have to get a screen protector for this laptop. Gah. Time to really take care of it D<
You know, I have this feeling that if I started carrying this laptop around to do what I want/need to do with it, then it's really start feeling as if it's mine :D Pray that feeling comes soon! Gah.
Okay good night, and sweet dreams.
I want to talk to you again! I wonder if you'd still open up to me? Or do I feel too foreign already?back to top?
Monday, February 6, 2012 @ 5:53 PM
A special request.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
Haha.back to top?
Sunday, February 5, 2012 @ 11:00 AM
A dream is a wish your heart makes.I like birds.
Happy birthday to myself. And to Wyin.
Thanks Zania for the wonderful day yesterday :D One of these days we really must go ice-skating! Qing Hao, Edith, Keith, Matthew, Wei Jian, Jin Rui, Gabriel. Kenneth! Though I didn't really see you for that long hahaha.
Gotta go buy a present now :Dback to top?
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Perfectionist streaks. Now Playing: Autumn Finds Winter - Yiruma Eating as a form of distraction One of those days A foggy world(?) Don't know why I'm writing this down We call everything on the ice, "love". A bit of self-observation, Plea for help So excited that I can barely breathe;