& not-so deep secrets
huiting says hi
Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:
This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.
Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.
Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)
人生就是要盡情地瘋 ／ I am a free soul.
more of me
Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Sunday, October 30, 2011 @ 11:38 AM
back to top?
Hello :D Omg man the last time I posted here was half a month ago. Was I really that busy? O: I bet now my readers have all disappeared because of the lack of new posts :x No point coming to my blog any more since I don't really post that often! Teehee.
Okay then here's a sincere apology from me: I am really sorry to have literally forgotten about the existence of this blog, and I hope you all would not mind my forgetfulness and irresponsibility and hopefully continue to patronise my blog! Lalala.
Hey, you know, it feels so good to complete what you set out to do, be it something small like "cut your hair"/"apply moisturizer" or something bigger like "go running"/"learn pop piano"! This morning I told myself that I had to complete several things today. First of all, would be to sms Shi Ying and invite her to join me in my quest of filming the daily life of a typical student at Nanyang Girls' High School. Next would be to search for a video recorder that I could use to film the video. Thankfully Shi Ying has one. As in, she knows where to find one, that is at the IT department :x Thank goodness she's from AV hahahaha that really saves us a lot of trouble.
You know recently I realised the importance of knowing how to request for something formally? My brother showed me. He, as the director of the Welfare committee at NUS Business Club, had to ask around for sponsors for the items needed for the welfare pack O: Lord knows how many of those emails he had to send out. Sadly, I am not at that level yet; for some reason I just cannot really phrase things formally. I have a lack of experience in this field ): Oh well.
Back to the topic, after finding a video recorder, I had to ask Mr Ang to get us LOA on Tuesday so that we can film the Sec 2s Amazing Race! That would go into our video under "school activities". Yixin suggested it :D It's a good idea, really. And I'm extremely thankful that she forced me to email Mr Ang for the LOA because it is a good experience that I really desperately need.
Yup, and so that's done! I don't really have any other very important things that I have to do already :D I only have to write out the script for our presentation on the "school life" and "conclusion" part, but I'd have to wait for Yi Xin to send her part to me first before I can get an idea of what to write!
That reminds me: I need to buy some gummies later! And maybe some stickers, if I can find nice and cheap ones O: Lalala. I'm so happy :D I bought a nice note pad for 60 cents! And a roll of Oreos for 80 cents o_o ABC Bargain Shop is crazy, seriously. Just crazy. Siao one. How can they actually sustain themselves when they sell things at such a cheap price? Siao haha.
Oh yeah yesterday, my mum and I went shopping at Jurong Point and we bought freaking a lot of things! My mum spent more than 400 bucks :x dumb GCP. Force you to buy so many things. Sigh. Well I guess it's because I rarely go to cold places anyway xD So I don't have stock at home, unlike some people cough who go overseas every year D: Hehe I'm a poor soul lalala.
Yeah anyway I shall list out what we bought here :D
Yes that is quite a lot right :x Haha shopping does make you happy. I just feel happy whenever I think of all the new things I have now o_o Shoes, gloves, windbreaker, good contact lens! So good! haha. Okay bye I go play tetris now :x I play it last night at like 1am and lost more than I won -_- Argh. It's weird cause whenever I play games, I would be good at it at times, but at other times I'm just very noob. It's like for languages; at times I'm fluent but at other times I'm just incoherent. Oh well. Hard fact of life. Bye! :D
Smile and be happy because you deserve it and because nature is just undeniably beautiful.
Monday, October 17, 2011 @ 2:28 PM
It's heartening to know that you will always be there for me
As I'm sitting here, alone in this empty classroom, with the exhilarated shouts of the students from next door, I think. I look around at our classroom, taking in everything I see. Everything in this classroom is a marker of our identity. The familiarity of it all overwhelms me. It's the very same classroom that we've spent almost a whole year sitting in, learning in, and playing in. It's like our home. The home of 301. Nowhere else will give us such sense of familiarity. Comfort. It feels so natural to be in here. Unlike when you go to another friend's classroom and you feel like you don't belong.
Here. You belong here. It's already a part of you. And as I look around, remembering what Mdm Lee said just now, "There are 23 bunnies on top of our notice board! And there are 23 of you here", I am hit with this feeling of joy and comfort in knowing that I actually belong here, and I'm supposed to be in here. This is me. In three one. This class. This.. special group of people who all have the same brains and to a certain extent, the same love for Math and Science. This is what bonds us together, and what people from other classes lack. I mean, no one can just come in and replace anyone within this class. Our identity is just.. us. Without any one of us, it's just different.
And I look, again. I see those eight names on the whiteboard. Those who went to Fudan, who are in China right now. I wonder, what would their reactions be when they are here with us, when we are arguing over the correct answer after each exams end? I imagine their reactions; how Han Yi will have that look upon her face, saying "argh" or something when she realised she got something wrong, how Rachel will just be standing beside her table and bag calmly, looking at her phone and waiting for someone to holler "Hey who wants to eat lunch?!". How the rest of the eight, each unique in their own way, would add to this series of activities which happen after a paper always.
I belong here. It's quite hard to actually comprehend this fact, or explain it in some other words. I chose to come to this class last year. I was afraid that the class would comprise of the kind of people who just studied all day. I was afraid that there would be no fun at all, and that all talk would be just about exams, exams, exams, results. But I was wrong. And regardless of what others may think of us, what impression they may have of us, we know that we don't have to worry because whatever is going here right inside the heart of this great big group that we form, is genuine. The teachers included. Mdm Lee loves us. We love her. Lin laoshi loves us. We love her too. This combination of teachers and personalities is unique to us and us alone. No other class in the history of the world would face the exact same thing that we are facing now - love and belonging. We accept one another for what we are.
Pretty cool, actually. All these small markers in our classroom each have their own story, a story that we all helped to write.
A story that never ends.back to top?
Sunday, October 16, 2011 @ 6:13 PM
Thinking you have something to lose is a trap, a trap that will only, ultimately, slow you down and hinder you, until one day you regret it so much.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connext them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly what you want to become. Everything else is secondary.
I'll remember you always.back to top?
Wednesday, October 5, 2011 @ 3:59 PMWhat am I good at, really? Am I good at singing? Baking? Cooking? Wrapping presents? Please tell me what you think, someone. back to top?
@ 3:25 PM
If you fall, you still can get up. No one can stop you from getting up.
It is so laughable that out there there are people screaming, dying, chasing their dreams and taking such big steps in their lives while here I am, feeling depressed over the fact that I could have not done well in my Chinese examination. It's laughable, all right.
I keep saying that I am a strong and brave person who is not afraid of taking risks, but that's just a lie somehow. I am not truly living up to that. People say that I am not afraid to follow my dreams, but am I really? Do I truly deserve that praise? Maybe it's just that outer layer of me who's pretending that I am really tough and strong and confident, but the majority, inner, real me is just some noob pretending to be pro.
Ah life is hard.
You can't help but forget about what your core values actually are at times. Sometimes you believe that you are already past that stage in life, but are you really? Sometimes you believe that it is already in you, but then you realise that your life is starting to get a tad more meaningless because you have already overcome that bit of badness inside you.
So what is life all about, actually? Is it true that you will never attain the level where you are truly good to the core? Will one always retain a bit of evil, in him somewhere? And the purpose of life will be to actually just keep trying as hard as you can to battle that evil inside you, though you will never truly eradicate it. Then what's the point? When you try to be good, and actually achieve goodness, your life starts to become meaningless because you have already done what you have to do. It's such an oxymoron, really. Paradoxical.
Oh well. Maybe I should really start throwing away all those tongs holding my heart and spirit down. My soul is still confined to that little space inside of me, waiting to be free. But it can't be free yet because I am still afraid to set it free.
I am afraid of the unknown. I admit. All this time I was trying to convince myself that I am not, but it's just me living in self-denial. So now I say - yes, I am afraid of the unknown. As much as I do not want to be afraid of it, I am still frightened of the risks that it holds. I'm scared that if I fall, I will never get up again.
But that's the thing, innit?
It's the very thing that I should be battling. That part of me who is scared to take risks. If I continue allowing it to barricade me in, I will never be able to achieve what I want. I am too frightened.
The passage is right. We should not be afraid to tackle a problem just because we are afraid that we would not be able to solve it.
So what if you can't solve it? You can still try. At least you have tried. At least you have tried your best in ridding it. And you can still continue to try. Until one day, when you finally succeed, and you can really enjoy that feeling because you have tried all along; you were the one who never gave up and finally stayed till to end to witness and bask yourself in the glory of solving your problem. If others solved it for you, then you can never enjoy true happiness from it.
And so, I shall stop being scared. If I fall, I can get up. Even if I fall badly, I can still get up. It is still in me. I shouldn't think of all the back-up plans available. That would only take away valuable time and energy. I should focus everything I have on that one route - I can get up if I fall.
But the thing is, sometimes I forget, and when I forget, I pray that someone or something will be there to just remind me of this determination I had when I was typing this post.back to top?
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When the days are cold What to do? The Last Paradise Rationality? Logic? Well fuck you. Hawaii Contemplation. Best way to go about your day A Journey Somewhere I lost a piece of me; smoking cigarettes... what?