& not-so deep secrets
huiting says hi
Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:
This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.
Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.
Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)
人生就是要盡情地瘋 ／ I am a free soul.
more of me
Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Friday, July 29, 2011 @ 8:51 PM
dream come true
Hi y'all. Haha sorry to all avid stalkers of my blog because I haven't blogged in a very long time :x Eight days! That's quite long. Actually it's not that long lah but you know what I mean. It's just that blogging did not cross my mind at all in the course of these eight days. Probably because I was quite busy? I had other things to think about, that's why. So I kinda like forgot that I had a blog haha. It never crossed my mind! Lol I'm being so repititive. Anyway I should blog in grammatically-perfect English, right? So here goes. Lalala. Lol okay stop.
I wanted to type the word "sigh" but I decided against it because I refuse to sigh :x My mind was like "no, you don't". So I didn't :D I'm so obedient :D Today passed by in the blink of an eye! It was only morning a few moments ago O: And I was one-quarter-drenched on the way to Nanyang Technological University because my brother sent me there using his motorcycle :x It started raining while we were on the expressway on the way to jurong west from clementi. I shall not talk about the challenge because it's quite boring and I really don't feel like talking about it.
I had the most amazing dream yesterday! It's one of those dreams in which I possess supernatural powers :D I think this was more amazing than the one where I dreamt of tingting in some desert place with the army and I could command spirit and the rest of the four elements and spirit appears as a purple mist around my hands. This was way cooler! I could control metal in the dream. Like, literally. I can make them float in the air, or call metal towards me. Like telekinesis that is limited to metal only. How cool is that! I remember I controlled a fork and a big sheet of metal in the dream. Okay the dream was weird; it was one of those dreams that just veer off course suddenly into another dream that is in a totally different area with different people in it and the story is different as well O: Yup anyway, I could control metal in the first dream. I vaguely remember that I fought against some enemies in that dream using my ability but I'm not really sure. Haha. It's like those movies, you know. People try to kill you then you use your supernatural ability to defend yourself/attack :D Like Heroes! Or X-men 8D
Right, I should be studying now! I have the drive to study and do past year papers o_o actually I just feel like doing past year papers. Chemistry, especially. Okay I shall go off now then! :D Bye!
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Thursday, July 21, 2011 @ 5:56 PM
Beautiful, Changing, Life, Love.
You know, I was just thinking about how my life is so different now, as compared to before. When I say before, I mean the beginning of last year, until midyear, and perhaps before last year too. Needless to say, my nanyang life is still the same just that I am in a new class with new friends and know more people. And I feel a stronger sense of attachment to guzheng because of FOA. Foa was awesome, really. Nothing can actually describe the experience. I think that was the first time I felt so happy and so proud to be performing in front of a crowd. The excitement. Well I guess you will always feel excited at something new, because you haven't tried it before. But still. It was nice.
Then, let's talk about the rest of my life. It has changed much, in many ways. Firstly, I took up singing lessons. That has changed my life quite a bit, if you haven't realised. I will never regret that decision. I think it's the first major decision that I made, that I am set in making. Nothing would have changed my mind, except if we were really poor and did not have the money to send me to singing lessons. But the thing is, we were not very poor and are still not very poor and hence I am still able to continue my lessons for this period of time and hopefully for a long way to come. Secondly, I am no longer hooked onto the computer. I mean, there is not much reason for me to become addicted to the world of the internet because I no longer have this person whom I want to chat with a lot on the net, whom I want to spend time on the net with and whom I want to see on the net every day. Which is good. Well I suppose that seperation is for the best. I am so much more focused now. It's hard to break out of this routine. Yup. It's better this way, really, because I am still unable to manage my time well enough. Oh well.
Yes, there's still more. I have a wider social circle now. I talk to more people. More guys, more friends. I have learned the way to see a person of the opposite sex as a friend, and nothing more. I know where to draw the boundaries. I know how to control. And this, in itself, is a very huge achievement because it allows me to have more friends of the opposite sex and behave in a more natural way in that sense. There is nothing wrong with having male friends. I am finally past that era where it's awkward to sit next to a guy or even have a normal conversation with the guy. I have come to know control. Which is good.
Any others? Yes, I know what I am fond of. I am constantly learning new things in life. If you compare the me two years earlier and the me now, you will see a huge difference. More maturity. If you compare the me last year and the me now, you will see a huge difference as well. Not so much as the appearance, but as the inner soul. The way I think. The way I feel, the way I react, the way I do work. I know, to a certain extent, what I want now. I am also past that era where grades matter. Honestly. I couldn't care less about grades. Now, what really matters is the learning process. All the things that I learn at school, in the process of preparing for the exams. I know, I feel it - my mind is truly free. Freer than before, anyway. I genuinely believe in the fact that if I have really learnt something in class, I would naturally be able to do well. So exams don't matter to me now(:
Yup, changes. Inevitable. But beneficial.
Now I'll work on my character.back to top?
@ 5:54 PM
One of the very few people who actually look good in specs.
You know, I'm just starting to realise exactly how lucky we are to have met him and actually talked to him, like a face-to-face conversation. Now I know how it feels like to be the friend of someone famous - you just kinda forget that your friend is famous, you know? And then whenever you chance upon a photoshoot of him or his album or something, you get whacked in the face with the reality O: Oh God. And he's on talking terms with us! How amazing is that! I cannot really believe it somehow.
So, haha, I feel honoured to actually get the chance to meet him, and freak I really have to work on my manners more. It's okay to say something wrong, just admit that you interpreted the situation wrongly. It's okay to make mistakes, just admit them. It's not like you will lose face or whatever. Just treat it like a joke! A laugh! Something to make others laugh too. Cause it proves that you're still human.
And I really have to work on my manners, gah. I am a rude person D: Hello huiting what is wrong with you D: Please be more polite! Oh god. Sigh. Stop being so arrogant and rude lah. You are not the freaking centre of the universe. People don't even know you exist. Stop being so ego and bastardish. And such an asshole. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
I'll see you soon):back to top?
Sunday, July 17, 2011 @ 10:54 AM
那片刻 - 却无尽 - 的感动Music is my life.
It permeates every single part of my life.
Joy. Pride. Laughter. Sadness. Love. Anger. Arrogance. Hope.
I won't be me without those songs, those melodies, and those moments of amazement.
It has touched me in a way that no other thing or being can.
I would die without it. back to top?
Monday, July 11, 2011 @ 8:57 PM
I just went through a very, very, bad case of diarrhoea, and my stomach's feeling much better now even though it feels like the pain will strike again anytime D: I have no idea why I am going through this - is it because of something I ate? Argh. I suppose it started when I drank some of the fresh milk with herbal jelly my mum bought from Scape's Gongcha. By the time I drank it, it wasn't cold any more O: Perhaps that's the cause :/ Cause after drinking it I experienced some short bouts of acute pain, but they went away after we alighted from the bus, at our stop. Sigh.
This kind of pain sucks, you know. It's like acute pain, but still prolonged. Like someone injected a jet of air into you, and that bubble of air is inside you, fighting to come out. Argh. My stomach was literally bloated D: Sigh. And now I'm wrapped in my blanket and sweating and enjoying the heat and sweat even though my mum says that it is extremely hot and she wants to turn on the air-conditioner D: I think it will kill me, lol. My stomach has always been sensitive to temperature. If it's too cold or chilly then poof. Gone. GG. Sigh. Especially when cases like this happen. Argh. Then I really cannot expose myself to the slightest breeze or even the air, if not I will regret it a lot, seriously. Sigh.
I'm not really in any mood to do any more homework... But actually I am. I am in the mood to do actual stuff, you know? Lol so I shall go write up the conclusion for our Chinese SIA now. Bye bye!
Scientific pain.back to top?
Sunday, July 10, 2011 @ 11:28 AM
One interesting thing that happened this week (or rather, this weekend) is the meet-up with Jae D: The rest of the week was... A little monotonous, I suppose. Well I guess I can see it all from a different point of view, but right now I'm just tired and overwhelmed by equations and formulas and numbers D: Argh Chemistry, argh Math. Trigonometry 3. Argh. This is so taxing to my brain cells D: You know, all through the week, I've been submerged into this pool of numbers and formulas and forced to take it all in? D: And I just keep remembering, but my brain has somehow become less flexible and I am unable to solve those questions myself. Trigonometry 3 is overwhelming D: There're so many formulas that we have to remember, all taught in one week! Day after day, we just keep getting introduced to new formulas... My brain D:
Thank goodness I am not going in front of the television for the NSC televised round. Or else I'll probably just die and drag the whole team down >< But oh well, it's fate, I suppose. Haha.
Yes truly, the only thing that I was awake and alert through was the meeting with Jae O: And oh, another thing - I've lost weight o_o (okay this is not something that kept me awake, it's another topic already LOL). Yes, 1+ kg. Quite amazing o_o But I'm scared that this is unnatural weight loss D: Even though I have been keeping off snacks (most snacks) for quite a long time already... Oh well. I'm just tired, like my brain is full of mush D: Sigh.
Okay nvm, I shall go off to do I don't know what now, see you ~ (:back to top?
Friday, July 8, 2011 @ 10:48 PM
Jae Leung :D
Hello, today was a very interesting day because firstly, we met up with Jae Leung! O: Okay wait that shouldn't be the first point. Sigh. But it was the most recent interesting thing that happened today, so it's still fresh in my mind :D Anyway, we had our FOA launch in the morning! :D And it was awesome hahaha. Don't ask me why - I just love performing. I have a sudden love for guzheng, seriously O: Okay, if I was being honest, it would be because I finally get the chance to conduct! And it's something new for me out of this routine that I have been engaging in ever since two and a half years ago. So yep, I love guzheng, and I love performing.
As I was sitting there, sweeping my gaze over the huge crowd of nanyang girls and staff in front of us in the hall in the morning, I discovered that I really take a lot of joy in performing for people. I was happy and proud to be in our costume. To be sitting up straight in front of those 1800+ people, waiting to play a song for them. I think performing is just amazing, seriously. I think I'm made for it O:
Okay, yep, it was cool. And Li Xin looked extremely cool in her black blazer and black formal pants. SO COOL. Especially her back view. So professional and real :D I love conductors haha. Every one has his/her own style. And it's all different! Such a joy to watch <3
Yes, then after that it wasn't that interesting any more because it was just a school day as usual O: Had PCCG, then LA? Then Chinese, where we had to finish our essays D: Sigh. But other than the essay-writing portion, the rest of Chinese was quite slack O: Amazing, really. I haven't had such a slack lesson ever since Sec 1 or something! Reminded me a little of our primary school times, when we would just walk around after we have finished what we had to do (mostly within a very short time, three times shorter than the time the teacher set aside for us to complete whatever it was). Yup, then recess. Wasn't very used to it, because in the previous semester we never had recess right after a Chinese lesson before O: It felt weird going down the stairs then going straight to class the recess. Hm.
Then Math, then LA. Most of us were quite sian during Math HAHA. I wonder why. Our class is just weird that way :D Most of the time, we are high, but sometimes we'll just keep so quiet and sian that it becomes unnerving O: Yes, then LA. Which was quite slack as well, amazingly. Then bio prac. I forgot about it until Sabrina told me about it O: I ponned AMC training HAHA. And I truly do not regret it in the slightest, because as I have mentioned earlier, "it doesn't add any meaning to my life at all". Seriously. What's the point of going for the training? I wasn't in the mood to do so. Actually, I wasn't in the greatest condition to do so. I couldn't really focus, let alone learn so much stuff. Especially since it's Math. So yeah. I ponned it. After Bio prac, I went back to the classroom alone, and on the way I happened to glance into Bio lab don't know number what (the one that is right opposite our classroom), and saw Jackie inside. But he was wearing specs so I wasn't sure whether it was him anot O: Anyway, I went back to class and finished 3 questions out of the four that we have to complete for Math Trigo Assignment 1. Wanted to do other stuff too, but I wasn't really in the right condition to do it. Went home(:
Oh, why am I narrating the details of today out? Lol. I suppose I just feel like typing? Slowly? Or perhaps I just feel like talking about my day. Because when I type, I am literally saying the words out in my head as they form on the screen. It's quite cool actually. It's the same when I am writing in my black notebook :D I don't know whether it's the case for you all, but it's like that for me haha. So now, as I am typing, I am saying the words out in my head! Kinda like when you are reading a book and you are actually saying the words out in your head O: Just that it's amazing for this because I have no idea which of these come first - the words on the screen or the words in my head. Haha. This is just a whole pile of lame stuff that I am wondering to myself so sorry if I am wasting your time HAHA.
Yes, then we come to the climax of today's action! Meeting with Jae. 1000 was not bad, I suppose. We didn't meet him before the performance started. We met him after, at the canteen. There were only 4 of us, 3 at first O: Xuanli, Rachel and I. Then Ting Ting came with Fiona and they went off don't know to where then they came back again. And Fiona didn't talk at all O: LOL. She was smsing me slyly and I was pretending that she wasn't smsing me HAHA. Then she went off after a short while and tingting stayed and sat beside him O: Then we talked more, about I forgot what. Then so sad Rachel and Xuanli had to go then Ting Ting and I also went liao then he also bopian had to go :x Sian max. Cause he was hungry and I was thinking that if we didn't have to go home then we could go and eat macs or whatever together HAHA. But too bad, they have to go, and tingting's father fetched me home :D Yay.
He's thinner than I remembered him to be. Equally tall, because I remember him being real tall during Dramafest last year. Oh God, was it really so long ago? I kinda miss dramafest. I mean, we really bonded a lot. I talked to a lot of people that I didn't really talk to previously. Like Ying Tong, Dorcas, etc. Sigh. But now we're in different classes again, so :/ Becoming distant again :D Except for the occasional hello. Oh well. Anyway, it was cool, and I really have to learn how to fill up awkward silences during conversations O: I'm just not the type of person who talks a lot, especially on a first meeting, you see D: Not like MPC. Oh God, if I can really be like him then it's good :D I forgot whether I was like this all along O: I think I was more talkative previously? In primary school? That's why the teachers always (okay fine not always) punished me :x Haha.
Anyway, if I meet someone for the first time, I'd just be not that talkative. I have no idea why. A trait (quite a bad trait) that I've developed? I'll just attempt to think about what to ask, but my mind always comes up empty. Like, I'd also be having internal arguments about the maturity level or how personal the question is. Is it too personal for me to ask? Am I probing too much into things? Does this question sound very immature? Yes, etc, etc, you get it. Which is why I am not a good conversation starter D: I can listen, though. And if you keep on talking, I suppose I'll also open my mouth now and then when a topic that I can talk about comes into view. But other times, sorry :x Especially when it's silent. That makes it even worse. The internal conflict gets worse and I get more flustered because I'd be thinking "Shit you, go fill up the silence lah! Ask a question!" "But shit is this question too personal? D: So siannnnn". So yeah hahahaha. It's a good thing and a bad thing too, I suppose :x
I should probably train myself more in this aspect. And I think I can do a lot better in my treatment of other people D: Especially thinking more before I say out something. Saying things in a less rude and less bossy way. The tone, the tone. It's so important. Sometimes things just pop out of my mouth. I'm too used to speaking that way, but it's bad. Come to think of it now, there are many times in which I spoke too fast or too bossily. I can tell that something's wrong from the way my friends react to it D: Sigh. Like that time Rachel showed me and Xuanli her sms conversation during recess D: My tone was horrible. What right did I have to hurry her and keep cutting her off? I sound so impatient, so bad-tempered, so horribly bossy. So irritating. Obnoxious. Snobbish. Argh. I need to change this D:
Sigh, it's hard to change yourself, really. There are so many flaws within myself that I can't seem to see D: That's why I need you all to help me D: Please, point out my flaws when you see them thanks! Don't worry about the awkwardness. If I'm rude, say it, talk me around to it. Argh I should raise my voice so much too. $%#!%#. Sigh. So many things that I have to change. So many things that I have to mindful of. But I have to do it. I have to. I have to become a better person and stop irritating so many people so much D: Stop hurting people too. Stop acting like I'm the big boss that everyone has to listen to me.
Sometimes I wonder what people feel about me. When I say something. When I do a particular action. Cause no one ever tells me, you know? So I don't know what their reaction to it is. Is it "this girl arh, keep on doing this, so snobbish, so proud", or "walao she always walk until like that like she's very pro liddat" or something? Or I don't know... People's thoughts about me. I really don't know. Except for tingting, whom I can be surer of, because I think we're more open to each other? And I know that she really likes me as a friend. Not that I don't know for others, but I don't know what they really think, cause sometimes we do this, and sometimes we do that. I don't know which one I have to follow. Sigh. Never mind, I'll try my best and empathise :D
Yup, so that's it. The end to a very long post! An extremely long post, as a matter of fact haha. I just keep typing and typing and typing :x Okay, photos for you O:
Some random dude, I really don't know who he is.
Another random dude LOL HAHA
Okay lah, bye! :D
Sometimes you just have to dream. I believe in dreams. And you inspire me, too.back to top?
Sunday, July 3, 2011 @ 8:49 PM
Hello. Now I can appreciate just how awesome alienware products are. Especially their keyboards. If I'm not wrong, all alienware keyboards are lighted up. As in, you know, for normal laptop keypads and desktop keyboards, the letters are just inked/stamped/printed onto the keys and it's just in a different colour from the background colour of the keys. It means that if there's no external light source, you won't be able to see what is printed onto the individual keys. But it's different for alienware. Alienware is just awesome in that way :D The letters on their keys are not just printed on - they are lighted up. In other words, there is a light source inside the keypad/keyboard itself, which lights up when you are using the computer. So it's actually like a window that is completed painted black except for a small part in the shape of a letter, so that when you shine light through from one side, light only shines out from that part that is not painted black, which is in the shape of that letter! You get what I mean :D Haha.
I feel that I am extremely long-winded today! One whole long paragraph just to describe the letters on a keyboard O: Haha. Well I suppose it's because I just feel like typing. And the sound that the laptop's keypad makes while I tap the various letters is very nice too. I don't know why, it just seems very nice and appealing and gentle to me now O: Familiar. Hm. By the way, the laptop that I'm using is my brother's old laptop O: The Vaio one. The one that he/we/my mum bought like 5 years ago HAHA. The one that does not have a light source inside the keypad :x So I can't really see the different letters on the keypad. Which means that I am typing while looking at the screen and not while looking at the keypad :D This is awesome haha. It really comes to you with practice O:
Anyway, I wrote the words "keep faith" onto the place just above my inner ankle. Using a ball-point pen. And pardon me for saying this, but I really like the way I wrote it :D The font is just so nice. So nice that it can actually be written onto a wooden sign - the kind where you buy at shops to decorate your home/office/desk or home walls with - and hung onto the wall of your house :D Haha. I'm so repetitive today too. Oh well. Some day, I shall upload a photo of those words onto facebook or here for you all to see :D
I wanna read the Time Traveler's Wife again! I have a sudden impulse to read it again O: No, not impulse really, but just an urge. Like, I just want to reread it and re-enact the scenes. Go through them once again. Go through the laughter, the happiness, the wonder of it all, and finally the pain. And then the feeling that is indescribable by words. That feeling. Like you have lost something. It's painful. Yet it's hopeful. Because he's coming back again. You know it. Even though you have already lost him. But for just that once, he will come back to see you. It's a kind of hope. The kind of hope that shines through. That is the most beautiful because behind it is a sadness. Not that desperate, hateful kind of sadness. But a soothing, accepting kind of sadness. You accept it. You accept the hole. You know that it is there, you know that you are feeling pain from it. Yet you are still able to control it because you know that this is how it's meant to be. Beautiful sadness. Beautiful hope. The ending is beautiful.
And so, I want to go through that process again(: Reading is such a joy. It transports you to places where you have never been before. It allows you to understand so much, even if you have never been through that before. The power of empathy is amazing. And that is why I love reading(: I read, not to escape from my world and my problems and my pain, but to discover a way to solve those problems and to learn so much that I cannot learn by myself :D
All right, I suppose I have typed enough :D I am a little sleepy now, but I shall go to my 大长今！That is another area where I learn many lessons from O: Good night!back to top?
Friday, July 1, 2011 @ 9:33 PM
Oh god this is damn amazing. He is so damn pro. I cannot believe how I could have missed this before. This is so freaking amazingly powerful.back to top?
@ 7:45 PM
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Painful longing for another day C'est la vie, ma cherie. Antibiotics Perfectionist streaks. Now Playing: Autumn Finds Winter - Yiruma Eating as a form of distraction One of those days A foggy world(?) Don't know why I'm writing this down We call everything on the ice, "love".