& not-so deep secrets
huiting says hi
Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:
This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.
Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.
Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)
人生就是要盡情地瘋 ／ I am a free soul.
more of me
Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Monday, June 27, 2011 @ 4:03 PM
though you traveled so far but I'm sorry you are twenty-five minutes too late
This is bad. I'm nomming on a lot of chocolates. Dark chocolate pebbles with sweetened blueberries inside it. In other words, the perfect pairing of Brookside's sweetened real fruit juice pieces dipped in luscious dark chocolate. Haha. Sounds nice xD It is nice! I can't stop eating it O: Which is bad, because there is this huge packet at home with like a few hundred round pieces of chocolate. Oh my. Hah. So much for all that talk about a snack-free diet...
Well anyway I decided to go on a snack-free diet that time because I wanted to lose my tummy fats for the outing :D But now that it's over, I'm free! Anyway I doubt I have to worry too much, cause these few months or perhaps years I have come to be sensitive to sweetness. Too much sweetness will make me puke. I just can't stand it. So I won't eat so many sweets(: But the thing is, the dark chocolate pebbles are not that sweet, because they are dark chocolate! Oh well. It's really awesome :D Nice to chew on. Not too sweet. Not too bitter. Awesome. I think the packet is going to disappear soon even though my auntie only gave it to us yesterday O: Oh God. This is bad. I shall eat one last piece and put the rest back into the fridge :D
Hi I'm back! After less than 10 seconds hahaha. Anyway, it's 4.10 now oh God. I have so many things to do D: Screw chapter test 7, it's so damn hard to key in the answers into the EPGY programme. I hate converting degrees into degrees and minutes. This is so irritating. We don't use the degrees-minutes system anyway! Gah.
Okay. I should probably get back to work now. Bye bye(: Sigh, first day of school is over! And I realised that I kind of miss school. Because it's a routine that you can never escape. Feels comforting. Familiar. Well after all I have been through this for nearly nine years of my life. More than half of my life! I think we all have no life. HAHA. But yeah, school is comforting in that sense. Just that it doesn't really give you the freedom to do other things that you might like to do better. You like it more.
Seriously, most people dislike school because they find that they have another purpose in their life. Something else that they want to fight for. Something that they want to do. And school's just not the thing. It could even be a waste of their time. How sad. Eleven years of our lives dedicated to something that we don't really like to do. That's a lot. And we start from young. But that's how society is.
If you want to take that step away from the norm, you must possess courage. And a faith. Faith in what you know you want. Faith in yourself. That you can do it. That you are doing what you love, and that it is completely right. What you believe in. Few people possess this courage. They just follow the society. To become a banker, financial assister, lawyer, accountant, doctor. The standard few jobs. The standard few courses that people take.
Why is it that there are so little courses dedicated to the arts? To the left-brained people? Most of these are all so mathematical. Rigid. Right. Standard.
But I want to break free of this conformity. I want to escape the standard. And I know what I am going to do.back to top?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011 @ 8:00 PM
Green-winged Macaw in the wild.
White-bellied sea eagle
Birds are beautiful, they truly are.back to top?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011 @ 5:25 PM
The feeling of being free is awesome.
I don't have the slightest inkling as to why I keep uploading photos nowadays :D Probably because I have nothing else to talk about haha.
Yay, I am happy because I have manage to complete my homework xD Herstory! Herstory is over! Okay I still have to edit but the main part is over! Woohoos! This is awesome. I have only the Chinese reading log thing left. But the one that I'm left with is the one where they ask you to list down three sentences which are philosophical and write down what you have learnt from those sentences. EASY MAX! That one can finish in less than half an hour xD So I shan't bother about it now, since I have not read any book that is philosophical... Went to the library at Toa Payoh yesterday to borrow some Chinese books. They weren't very attractive :/ but yeah, I was thinking, since I was there already might as well borrow some. Just do it, if not I'd have to go back there again some other day and it's quite sian.. Haha.
I browsed around the English portion too, adult section. But there weren't any books that attracted me at all O: In fact, I didn't really have the drive to go look at those books in detail. There wasn't a book that particulary interested me :/ And this is quite rare because I am quite a lover of reading and books, as you all know :D Oh well. Must be the mood at that point of time xD Cause I was lugging the damn heavy laptopbagwiththefujitsulaptopinsideit around as well. And it was kinda hard to walk around. Heavy :/ So I put it down but I still didn't really have the drive to borrow. I saw a lot of sex books though -_- Adults section jiu shi adults section. Damn. Don't they have anything else to think about? Sigh. And the teenage books are too boring. And too immature, somehow. They're just there for you to waste your time haha. So I didn't borrow any English books(:
And yay, I've almost finished learning that song Dolly on the piano O: This is amazing hahahaha. But at the end part I don't know how to match the two together. Ah well. One step at a time xD And this is really one step at a time haha cause I've started learning since a few weeks ago on the keyboard, you know they have the lessons yeah. And I just go up there when I remember it or when I feel like it. Maybe once a day, sometimes once every two days when I'm busy. And then I slowly remember and learn xD This is so cool! Yay, now I have a song to play whenever I see a piano at least :x
But shit man, I still haven't achieved the side split yet D: So sad. But I know I can do it. I just don't have the motivation now, you know? There's nobody to force me to do it. And it's very rare when I get that feeling that I want to do it, that I can just do it against the wall. So far I've only had that feeling twice throughout the holidays -_- Oh well. It's not like in dance lessons or when I'm with friends. In dance lessons (during our sabbaticals) the teacher will force us to do it, then there's this motivation inside me, there's this purpose to split and stretch and stay there, you know? When I'm with friends, it's just a natural feeling inside me to like show off a little. It's not a bad feeling, it's just something that will make me more enthusiastic about it than when I'm alone. It's a good feeling, really. Cause I don't want to look lousy or poor in front of people, you know? So yeah, I split real easily under those two circumstances. But when I'm alone at home, or even with my family, that feeling is gone. So it's hard to train by myself :/
Haha yah okay bye now, I shall attempt to stretch or something(:back to top?
Monday, June 20, 2011 @ 7:32 PM
Why make me lose faith in the trustworthiness of humans? Why burst my bubble?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to retain just that little bit of innocence as you are growing up? Even at this age. Innocence is precious. Once it's gone, it will stay gone. Yet you still plant that thorn of suspicion in me. You gave me a poison; you forced it down my throat. There I was, in my world, happily trusting them. Him. In what way shouldn't he be trusted? He's from that official organisation, for God's sake. If he ever cheats on anyone then how will that company continue? And it's an international company. If I let it out then it will be screwed. But the thing is, he won't cheat on you! Why are you so steadfast in your viewpoint that he will? This isn't some small unknown company. It's big. International.
But that's not the point. The point is, you have given me just that little bit of hesitance. Just that little bit - but enough to start poisoning the rest of the system. For fuck's sake, I do not want to become an idiot who's overly suspicious about the littlest things in life. Stop hardening me. Stop stealing my innocence away. I want to continue being a child - or just think like a child. The world isn't evil. It isn't hard. There is good too. Let me continue in this belief. Because it is true.back to top?
@ 8:32 AM
There's always something that we want in life.
Hello hah actually I don't feel like blogging. Hah this is a useless post. Nvm, bye! :D
^ IS THIS EVEN REAL?!
^ HAHA xDback to top?
Friday, June 17, 2011 @ 8:40 PM
Hot lifeguards O:
Went to Scape's kbox with Michelle, Rachelng, Jiachun and Hanyi on Wednesday :D It was awesome. And I realised that I can sing pretty well! Cough. Haha. But it's better than what I expected anyway. At last, I dare to just throw my voice out without fear of the mic(: Haha and I realised that I get better after a while O: The first few songs were still hesitant, and my voice still wobbled :/ 记得 was the best of course :D I think that's like my best song! HAHA. It seems hard to sing but it's actually quite easy O: No wonder the teacher let me off after two times HAHA.
Well, yeah. After kbox we went to meet Jamie and Rachelwu at Plaza Sing :D To watch x-men! It was quite nice xD I like the young Charles. And the young Magneto is damn cool HAHA. Wait, no, Wolverine is the best. "Hi, we are Charles Xavier and Erik..." "Go fuck yourselves." LOL best. Damn funny. I think that's the funniest part xD But the best thing about the movie is, it explained a lot about the other movies. Really. Like how Charles came to sit in a wheelchair, and why Magneto is so evil. Okay, he is actually not evil, but you know what I mean. Yeah. And it really showed their friendship. Charles is like the only person Magneto considers as a friend. He is like the only person that Magneto actually cared about. D: It was quite touching, really. And both of them are really quite pro haha xD
Then I went to eat dinner with Michelle and Rachelwu cause the rest had to go home already. Oh gah this reminds me Jamie still owes me $8! D< I'm like kinda broke now haha. Phyllis owes me $13, and Jamie owes me $8 :x Damnit, that's like $21 in total?! Which is damn a lot! Yes, we went to eat Pizza Hut, Hawaiian regular sized with the filled crust O: And Michelle and I shared the 6 spicy drumlets :D She ate 4 while I ate 2 HAHA. After a while we all kinda got sick of the cheesy crust :/ I think the normal crust is still the best cause it's harder to get sick of it xD Yah and we talked quite a lot about life and everything :D It's been a long time since I had that kind of talk in a group! The closest I ever got to was with Ting Ting during bsp camp O: But that isn't really counted cause it's not the group type, you know :D
Hah and Rachel convinced me of something(: Since we get to live life only once, just do it. Just go for your dreams. Stop being afraid that you'd fail, that you'd not do well in that. Just go for it. It's your passion; it's what you like. And you know that you like it. That you want it. So stop hesitating, thinking that it's unconventional. As long as you like it, it's fine. Don't care about what others think(:
I guess that I was still doubtful because I am afraid that I would make the wrong choice and cause my whole life to shred into pieces. But that's not the point, ain't it? As long as you dare to dream, as long as you do it, you will be able to do it. As long as you try. There's nothing to be afraid of. Dumbledore is right - J.K. Rowling is right - it is the unknown that we fear...
I will be brave and walk down this path. Don't worry so much. I won't worry so much. Do something that you love. If not you will regret it. Don't be afraid of failing. Really. Just be brave and go ahead(:
Hah bsp outing next Saturday. Sentosa. I think I'll convince people to stay on after 6 :x So that I can hurry back after my singing lesson haha. :D By the way, there are alot of hot dudes at wildwildwet. Seriously. Oh God, why didn't I notice before? :x I was always too busy with my fellow P5 and P6 friends and too busy caring about those P5 and P6 boys to notice! But damnit, the next time I go back there, then ;D Heh. The lifeguards are all damn hot too O: Cool max xD HAHA. Woohoos. Wild Wild Wet has tons of hot dudes! <3
Okay lol byebye. I'm sure that Sentosa will have hot dudes too :D HAHA. Singapore has hope after all! xDDDD Bye! HAHA.
P.S. I wanted to search for a picture of a hot surfer dude and put it here but I decided not to LOL.
And P.P.S. I sat the U 3 times at wildwildwet :D It's not that freaky, to be honest xDback to top?
Monday, June 13, 2011 @ 10:08 AM
Hahaha hello all sorry for not posting for a very long time xD It's because I kinda had nothing much to post about :x and also probably because I just didn't feel like posting, if you know what I mean...
ARGH, holidays are going to come to an end soom D: Okay I know I'm exaggerating, but it always feels that way after the first half of it is gone already :x When you're still in the first half, you'll still feel as if there's a lot of time left :x
Yay, kbox with lishuen michelle rachelng rachelwu jiachun hanyi on Wednesday :D I'm listening to Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie's Just a Dream now. So nice. Sigh. Especially with the new speakers my brother bought HAHA.
Gah the weather forecast says that it is going to rain later in most parts of Singapore D: But I don't want it to rain; I still have to go to Orchard and Novena and Bugis to buy my stuffs and settle the replacement class thing for Learning Lab! D: Sian max. But these few days the weather has been quite rainy O: I mean like, the Sun isn't burning down like before. :x And now I'm listening to Lucky by Glee :D It's quite nice hahaha. Actually the feel of Glee's one and Jason Mraz's one is different. Jason Mraz's one is more emotional, while Glee's is more lighthearted :D But both are nice in their own way :D
Hah I'm kinda bored now but I don't know what to do. Well I could watch a movie but that would take damn long D: Sigh. Hm. Anime? Haha. I still have alot of homework to do :x Dumb Chinese book reviews, dumb SMP, NSC, herstory, unseen, gah.
Ahh I don't really feel like typing already, so byebye(:back to top?
Thursday, June 9, 2011 @ 9:31 AM
You ask me why. Well it's because I was feeling extremely lonely.
Hello. I'm about to go off to Bugis to do streetsales with Michelle and co. :D It's a lucky escape that I found from this house. I think I won't really be able to stand another whole day inside here. But then again, it seems to be fine if I listen to the radio or music.
By the way, Hans Zimmer is my new idol. God, he is so amazing.
And I love Jack Sparrow too. This is the third time I'm saying it on any internet platforms. Lol. I was supposed to eat chicken cup noodles for breakfast but I didn't feel like eating chicken cup noodles (in fact it kind of repelled me) and so I made pancakes and ate them for breakfast. 5 mini pancakes(:
Okay that's all, bye!
By the way, I think my myopia has increased or something because of the two pirates of the caribbean movies I watched yesterday on the laptop D: That is so sad. I don't know why, but I can't really focus on the words on the com screen now -_- what the hell. I have to get away from the com or else my eyesight will really worsen. I can feel it. Haha. Bye! Woohoos CIP.
Oh yah and by the way again I'm going to dialogue in the dark next tuesday! :D With Mustard Seed. And wildwildwet next thursday with Mustard Seed too xD Haha. I wanna buy a new bathing suit, gah. Okay bye :D
Hahaha he's so funny.back to top?
Monday, June 6, 2011 @ 3:32 PM
Hello. I was contemplating going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean by myself and I told my mum then she said that if I wanted to go watch then she can take time off tomorrow then we go watch tomorrow lol. Haha. I feel a little sian now. Sian. But then again. Am I feeling sian? I don't know. ._. Sian.
I want to have something to do, like a routine. I don't want to be stuck at home for the whole day. Argh. This is so frustrating. I want to go work at Sogurt D: Sian. I want to go out... I don't want to be stuck at home with homework and shit and nothing else to do! Argh. I don't mind going to Mustard Seed D: In fact, I would love to go there now if not for the fact that it's so late already. At least there's something for me to do, you know? At least I can help in some way :/
Sigh okay bye bye I don't feel like blogging already. I shall go upstairs to touch/play my guzheng a little lol.back to top?
Saturday, June 4, 2011 @ 9:02 PM
And you are like my sunshine that I am looking forward to but which I have not found yet.
Gah I have to do something meaningful! The first week of the holidays is over already and I have not done anything that is actually meaningful that I like! I'm just like wasting time away playing Maple (lol) and using facebook D: This is quite sad. But perhaps I feel like I'm wasting my time because for whatever spare time I have, I either read or play the com? And I only had very little spare time this week... What with BSP camp and chemistry olympiad taking up three whole days already. And going to guzheng for the whole day on Monday. Yeah, and slacked a little of Friday away because it's the first day where I have time to myself. Well you can't blame me right... I'm not yet sick of my "meaningless" life yet, since I have had only such little time to myself :x
But the second week of the holidays is starting already! And somehow it doesn't seem as if I have a lot of things to do O: I hope that I can finish my school work by the second week or the third week so that I won't have to care about it any more in the last week :x So that there isn't the usual last minute scramble to complete homework lololol. But then again, the mood doesn't seem to want to come! Argh! Dumb IH SBQ. So many people have completed it already D: Shi Ying, Hui Min and Han Yi.. Argh, all of you, how do you do it sia. I really don't have the mood for SBQ now :x I think my answers will be like really damn screwed hahaha cause I haven't done it in a freaking long time lolol. Aiya whatever.
Gah, the point is, I'm wasting time away! But I don't know what I want to do yet, that's the scariest part! So I can only sit by and watch as the days go away so quickly argh. I know what I have to do, schoolwork, the assessment book on compre, SMP, and study for NSC. And read books. But what about the rest? What else do I want to do? The June holidays hardly seem to be the right time for me to start on whatever I want to do, seeing that school will reopen real soon. And that there's quite a lot of homework that we have to do D: Argh. If it's the December holidays, I'll most probably not have anything much to do and then I'd have more time to myself! To learn what I want to learn and hunt down whatever I want! But the thing is, Singapore is so small; there are so few places for me to explore/shop at here. Lol. The main areas are like Orchard, Vivo, Jurong Point, Tampines Mall, whatever. WHAT ELSE? City Hall? Raffles Place? Bugis! But I'm kinda a little sick of all of them already! Cause I've been there so many times already...
I know I should be positive lah, and widen my sights a little. There are so many lessons that I can take up - but that would have to wait till the December holidays. And I wanted to go find a job at first, but then I realised that I won't really be able to work much so what's the point :x Argh. I want to join PA at the end of the year! But dumb tuition. Argh. This is so frustrating. Should I give up my English tuition at the Learning Lab? I mean like, do you think it's helping me? Maybe, maybe not. But I think most of my grades at school is due to myself, as in, when I read frequently my grades will go up O: For the past half a year I haven't been reading that often :x I was reading Chinese storybooks hahaha. So my Chinese improved. LOL. But then, English?! Argh. I need to visit the library more often!
But I really want to dance D: Seriously. It will be damn good for me. Sigh. So many things that I want to do! But I really don't know whether I have the time or capability to manage them. Sigh.
I know, I should not place too much emphasis on that which I don't like. Which I am not passionate for. And if I chase after my passion, I would be able to juggle it! Cause I like it. But society demands that I have that base first D: Lol, screw society then. Hahaha. I shall be like Rancho. Woohoos. Yes, I will make my passion my profession and screw society - I shan't care about what they will think. Lalala.
See you :Dback to top?
Thursday, June 2, 2011 @ 4:03 PM
But what's the point? I'm setting myself free.
Hi, back from bsp camp! :D With hwachong, dunman and river valley. Lol. Our item was screwed. But ah well, heck. It's because of technical error :x Okay fine even without technical error I think we're the least prepared of all the schools haha. Hwachong was damn prepared. Sigh. And their skit got meaning one somemore. Treat every day like Mothers' Day :D Haha.
And they cheered for us! A lot of times. Even when we were screwing up on stage LOL. Walao didn't get to dance Club Can't Handle Me. And that's like our better dance lol. Sian I want to go out tomorrow. With a big group of people. I'm going out with tingting already, but two people not that fun D: I mean, it's very different when you go out with just one friend and when you go out with a whole group of friends. And we can all go to watch a movie together :D Yesterday's tv-watching session was epic hahahaha. After we were dismissed (10+), we went to our own dorms to bathe lah of course. Bathing is damn important okay. Then at 10++, around 11, I met tingting and we went downstairs to buy hello panda and dewberry and yakult lol. In the end I think she didn't buy the yakult O: Oh my I forgot. LOL. But anyway, yeah. Then we went back up. Actually we wanted to go back to my room already, but as we passed the sitting room we noticed that the guys were watching Criss Angel! And Criss Angel is damn cool haha. So we decided to join in LOL. Then they made space for us and gave us a sofa. Haha. Of course lah. And yah we watched. Then at 11.30 tingting says that she should go bathe. Then she say she has to bathe for half and hour LOL. Then I was like go bathe lah. Yah then she went and then left me and a girl I forgot who sitting on the sofa. Then more and more people came. More girls came, and more guys came. By that time there were like a lot of people already. It's like some sort of party LOL. People just stood/knelt behind the sofas/sat on the carpet in front etc. And sat on the armchairs' armrests lol. Yes and people just kept on coming HAHA. Then we continued watching. And after a while Criss Angel ended sigh. Then we didn't know what else to watch, and Matthew was like flipping through random channels.
Then we settled on Channel 8 for a while where they were playing some random Chinese show set in the olden times. And actually we didn't know what they were talking about at all LOL. We were just watching blindly HAHA. And then someone raised the point. Then we went to Channel 5, where a movie was playing, but we also didn't know what it was talking about. Lolol and it was quite boring. And I don't know what we watched already lah. Halfway through Criss Angel or I don't know what I think it's the Chinese show, I opened the hello panda and started eating without waiting for tingting :x Haha. Then I suddenly had a spurt of kindness and decided to share it with everyone else! Okay yes then I shared lah, with the people around me. Then no more liao. LOL. It was quite a small packet. Hm.
Okay then I don't know what happened then the security guard suddenly came and asked "Do you have permission to watch tv?" And we all couldn't catch what she was talking about at first then we were all like "huh?" then she repeated it again lol then no one answered and we all just dispersed LOL. Everyone just like walked quickly back to their rooms HAHA. Yes and me too. Lololol. But it was fun. The first time I'm like doing this with people. Last time I didn't have so many friends who are like that; only my brother's friends LOL. Yes. And it is like the first time in a damn long time that I'm like interacting/doing things with guys (nanyang what, what you expect) but it surprisingly feels very normal. Yay. I'm not being altered by the fact that I'm in a girls' school! Woohoo. I mean, they all feel just like friends. Like normal friends. There isn't any awkwardness or whatever lah. Hah. This is good.
And I brought my camera (full battery, recharged it the night before the camp) but I didn't take any photos LOL. I guess it just didn't occur to me. Yah eh actually come to think of it it really didn't occur to me O: Whenever we were going to some activity in the hall or dining hall or audi or whatever I just ask people whether they are bringing the file and their handphones/jackets or whatever, but it just never really crossed my mind to bring the camera :x Lol.
Sigh I really want to go out. A mass outing. Thank God I wasn't in a girls' school when I was in primary school. Thank God I was in a mixed school lol. Haha okay byebye :D I want to watch pirates of the caribbean and x-men. Actually I want to watch pirates more than x-men. Lol. Kungfu panda two was really awesome :D Go watch it!back to top?
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When the days are cold What to do? The Last Paradise Rationality? Logic? Well fuck you. Hawaii Contemplation. Best way to go about your day A Journey Somewhere I lost a piece of me; smoking cigarettes... what?