& not-so deep secrets
huiting says hi
Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:
This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.
Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.
Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)
人生就是要盡情地瘋 ／ I am a free soul.
more of me
Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Monday, May 30, 2011 @ 6:53 PM
Part 2.Hello. The holidays are starting to wear me out, even though it's only the first day into it ._. It hardly feels like the holidays at all. I know this is what we always say, but this time it's different. It's like, I really have so many things to do that I can't find time to place everything. BSP Camp. Chemistry Olympiad Round 2. Guzheng. NSC. Work. CIP. Read. Homework. Argh. I want to go out and have fun, I really do. But the thing is, how do I find the time to do it? The first week is already over. As in, I have so many things packed into the first week already that I know that it is impossible to go out or whatever. Much less work, even, even though I want to earn some cash for myself. Argh. Am I not ready for this yet?
I really want to make use of my time well. But there always doesn't seem to be enough time for me to do work, learn, play, read and go out/move around more now! Where are those days where I can just laze about lazily doing nothing and fretting over the fact that I have nothing to do? Now I know what I want to do and I have stuff to do but there isn't enough time...
I don't know how to sort my life out; I don't know how to pace myself. I don't know what's really important now. Of course, logic says that at this point in time, studies are the most important. Hence I should focus more on my studies and mug more at home and complete my homework - up to the point where I'm doing even more than I should be doing. Argh. The comprehension practice book that I've bought more than a month ago (I believe) is still sitting stagnant under my desk, at my feet. Almost rotting. But it just doesn't come to my mind somehow, and somehow I've always managed to overlook it. Argh. But then there's the pressing issue of my poor understanding of passages. I just can't seem to get comprehension. I always either infer too much, or infer the wrong thing altogether. Or perhaps I don't even understand the question and don't know how to find for the answer. Ironic, really, since comprehension is always quite straightforward. There's a passage. There's some questions on the passage. Questions to which answers can be found in the passage. I just can't get it somehow.
And this is real pressing because my language arts grade is getting poorer and poorer. Really, why is it that whenever one of my languages improve, the other would just spiral down? Why is it that I can't grasp both of them at once?
Yes, reading is the key, but do I have time to read at all? And so here we are, back to the original subject. The harsh realities and oppressive nature of the holidays. So many things that I need to do. I can't seem to manage all of them well now, somehow. Argh.
I know, I should stop giving in to the temptation to play computer games or read books when I should be spending those times on completing what I really have to do. I should stop turning my head at the slightest distractions and run over the the television whenever I see an interesting movie playing. I should stop getting distracted by the television. Sigh. And also by the computer. Stop mapling, you bastard. It's not getting you anywhere. It's just a waste of your time. And energy. And concentration. You should be spending all of those crappy times on your bloody miaoxiewen and trigonometry assignment and source-based questions and poem/passage/advertisement/letter for the english assignment instead. Yes. Why is it that I don't give a damn about Math Olympiad? I know that I can actually study for it, that there's a way for me to scrape at least a bronze. I've had plenty of time to do so, actually. But wasted, always wasted. And now I have a new desire - to watch that Japanese drama. Nodame Cantabile. I think that it will add value to my life and inspire me somehow. But I don't know. Maybe I'm just living in a world of delusions again like her lol.
Yes, I suppose the main purpose of that drama is to entertain. Why else would it be called a drama? But it still inspires me somehow. Chiaki inspires me. And I can really comprehend his feelings towards Nodame and everyone else. I don't know why. It's like, I'm just able to understand him. He loves her, yes he does, but it's a little awkward or perhaps weird to show it in public. He doesn't mind her hugging him but then again, it's embarrassing to an extent in public. In fact, I'm sure that if not for the people and children staring at them, he would not have minded and would have continued. He loves the music. He loves music. He is a musician from within. He wants to create fabulous music; he lives for it. He doesn't mind if his pay is low, as long as he can do what he does. It's somehow like a responsibility - for him to place his strength and time into training the orchestra to perform those two pieces. It's not an obligation - it's already past that stage.
To know your purpose in life... And be extremely convinced of it.. No one can change your conviction. You know exactly what you want. That is... amazing. The thing you need to give on. It's hard. It's rare. It's a gift. And he has it. He knows what he wants. I can just understand their relationship and their character and selves, somehow. I know. I don't know why or where I got it from, but I know.
It's hard to describe in words. It's just a feeling that you feel. That doesn't go away. You know what it is, but you can't say it out loud. No words have the ability to absolutely capture that meaning. Or perhaps this is due to my limited vocabulary. Nevertheless, I admire him for it. He is amazing.
And so I shall sign off here, but I will be back soon. There's still a lot of things on my mind that I have to deposit somewhere. See you soon.back to top?
Sunday, May 29, 2011 @ 5:58 PM
Just a Dream
I was thinking about you, thinking about me,
I travel back, down that road
I was at the top and I was like I'm in the basement.
My lover, my life. My baby, my wife.
I was thinking about you, thinking about me.
When I'm riding I swear I see your face at every turn.
Didn't give it all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me.
And I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me.
Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie.back to top?
Thursday, May 26, 2011 @ 6:50 PM
Hello, these few days I've been blogging quite rarely :x Pardon me, it's just that I don't really have that inspiration and feel to blog, you know?
Anyway, these few days I've taken to reading Harry Potter again, because I was bored on Monday morning waiting for the bell to go off before school starts :x I figured that since I had nothing to do, I should just read something xD And that's when I noticed Jingci's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and decided to read it! I'm on the Half-Blood Prince now O: Quite shocking, really - I haven't been so immersed in a book for a very long time. Well, this is good, I expect. But if you think about it, it really takes up quite a lot of time that I could have spent "more meaningfully" elsewhere. That is, of course, a small part to my point of view. The pragmatic part of me says that. But another part of me says that since I have nothing much to do anyway (the holidays are here) I should just read and ignore everything else! And so far, I have caved in to that less pragmatic (or maybe lazier) part of me. Haha.
Well, sometimes I wonder what people get from my blog. Haha sorry for the sudden change of topic but my thoughts just veered towards this subject unconsciously. (That's the way blogging works, isn't it? You type out the flow of thoughts from your mind, oblitering all those that are not presentable to the public lol.) Which brings us back to our topic in question. What do you all get from my blog? As in, what do you understand of me from what I say or have said here? Well obviously it is not a full picture of me, seeing that I usually only blog when I am feeling strongly about something. Means that you only see the extreme side of me :x Okay fine, I do blog about boring stuff sometimes when I have nothing else to do and just feel like typing or sharing my day - but that's not the point. (And by the way, I don't feel that strongly about this topic that I am discussing now, it's just that I felt like typing it out that's all. Perhaps I want you to see my point of view? Whatever.) The point is, you cannot judge a person simply by what he or she states in her blog. Well if I'm complaining about my batchmates or something here you may think that I'm this obnoxious snob or something but that's not how I am all the time. (Not saying that I complained about anyone on this blog or whatever before...) Oh but anyway the people who read this blog or even just knows the existence of this blog are mostly people whom I am quite close to, so I suppose it's alright (unless some stalkers are stalking me for interesting topics to badmouth me about HAHA like what I do LOL joking.).
True true, since most of you know me well (to a certain extent) in real life you will know that what my blog says isn't the full me :D There's still a lot of me hidden away inside my black notebook and the other various notebooks that I have come to collect over the years... Speaking of which, it has been more than 5 years since I started writing/recording my thoughts down in notebooks! This is quite an achievement, don't you think? :D Hee. And I mostly likely won't show anyone the contents of the notebook until years later... Or perhaps I'd just show it to some people to entertain them for a while as they read through 4 years' worth of -cough- emotions and mostly love passages and feelings HAHA. I have more than 52 pages (I think) dedicated to the same person! Not to mention my other blog. That one is really splendid. But no one will read it, at least for now haha. Unless he manages to come back into my life again and I decide to share the url of the blog with him again (likely, but that is if we manage to get back to that friendship again, which is likely yet unlikely at the same time. Who knows?). Well he has read most of the posts there. In fact, all. And yes, they are about him. I write them in the letter style, like I'm actually writing to him. Which I actually am, actually. I write, he reads, to know what I feel and what I'm thinking about after any particular activity. I used it to scold him, to show him how I feel, to insult him (not real insults, mind you), to show him my situation and point of view. How I was being mistreated. LOL. Okay it sounds weird here but it's just impossible to describe in words. Or perhaps that is because I have an extremely limited range of vocabulary. Oh well D:
Okay, I shall go off to dinner now and continue later(: It's 7.08 pm now!
Hi I'm back! It's 7.14 pm O: Lol. Dinner was, not say horrible, but boring and more tasteless than usual. Or this is pretty much the usual. Which kinda sucks - where is the good food that I should be eating? D: I shouldn't complain though, haha.
Yes and it is obvious that this particular post of mine is much more fluent that previous posts even though I am bloggin about quite mediocre things. The vocabulary used here is also much less limited. Ah, it's obvious isn't it. It's because I have been reading Harry Potter! Okay fine, it's not that reading Harry Potter has helped to improve the flow of my words per se, just that reading really helps. Oh God. Seems like reading is really very meaningful after all. So meaningful that I really cannot afford to lose it. But how do I do it, I ask you? How do I fit reading into my schedule? And when I say reading, I mean really spending a reasonable amount of time each day to read and not just reading a few pages once every week. That would be quite useless, isn't it.. Sigh. Well I suppose I'm blessed to be able to count on my love of reading novels, especially those of fantasy, adventure and a teeny weeny bit of romance. Her Fearful Symmetry was interesting, but unfortunately not as attractive or addictive than Harry Potter even though I've read the whole Harry Potter series countless numbers of times already. Hehe.
Okay fine I shall not bore you all with my ramblings already, bye bye!(:
This post was quite reflective and meaningful. Hehe. I'm glad xDback to top?
Monday, May 23, 2011 @ 9:13 PM
It is unbelievably boring here and I swear that I am getting fat. It is an undeniable fact. Nothing I do can change this fact D: But why am I getting fat? There's the question.
Ay, tis sure that I won't to get fat, but tis sure too, that thee hath no choice. If thee hadth a choice, tis choice sure is important.
Lol what am I doing HAHA. It's quite fun to write in olde English though xD Interesting. Just that I forgot what's "is" in olde English. Ah well.
Just bought the 7D dried mangoes from fairprice :D It's on discount LOL. Okay that wasn't what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was that it is the brand of dried mangoes that Sabrina offered to me at her house! Her awesome crazy siao house on the 30th level that you can see greenery (a mini-forest) on one side and the sea (the real sea south of Singapore) on the other side. It is amazing! And there are windchimes all over the house. They just keep tinkling so merrily and for some reason they don't seem irritating or like useless "noise" you know :D I suppose it's because it's a melody. Regardless of whatever notes the wind causes the chimes to play, it's still a line of melodies! So it's awesome :D
And I want to go to her awesome house in Malaysia where they are freaking stables where I can actually ohmyfreakinggoshdly ride horses omg how cool is that xD Sabrina I changed my mind; I shall go to your house in Malaysia to sleepover rather than your Singapore house xD HAHA. My whole family wants to go too! LOL.
Okay I'm too lazy to continue typing now so tatas :D By the way, sabbaticals are awesome. Terrorism is fun and contemporary dance is just awesome xD It's like, indescribable. Hahaha. Contemporary dance is awesome! I shall go read Harry Potter now. Jingci's copy. The Order of Phoenix :D Damn it, I'm sad. I want to read the Goblet of Fire D: I haven't read it in a freaking freaking long time. But that's because I cannot find it D: So sad. Sigh. I think it's gone forever already. Argh what the hell. But I really want to read it D: Sigh. At most go to the library during the holidays to borrow lorh. Okay nevermind byebye(:back to top?
Sunday, May 22, 2011 @ 10:24 PM
Have fun (:I've always enjoyed doing reflections. It's just very easy for me to just write and write and write. Well, this comes from habit, I guess. After all, I have so many notebooks just filled with my writings. Random ramblings. That I've started to have since I was 10 years old. It is already a very habitual thing for me already(: So writing reflections is not an obstacle for me at all.
I suppose I'm not afraid to pour out my thoughts and just let them flow while my hand moves and records all of that down. It doesn't require much effort - just that my hand will get tired (naturally) after a certain limit (maybe one and a half A4-sized pages?)
Haha, I know I sound a little arrogant but I am quite proud ofmyself for this habit. It's just that I'm so used to it and that I just don't think that much before I write, you know? It just flows. And it can actually flow pretty well too, even though I have never planned it out beforehand. It flows better at some times than at others. At some points in time, I would have this mental block somehow, where my thoughts are unable to translate themselves into words. This is the same as when I play the guzheng or some games. Sometimes, I am very good at what I'm doing. But sometimes, I just suck. I wonder why that is so. A change in mindset? The way I think? But it is unpredictable. And uncontrollable. I can't control when I want to be better and when to be worse. It just comes. Well this is the disadvantage, of course. Though you may feel that since it is me, I should be able to control it. For some reason I just can't though. Sorry to disappoint. Haha.
Anyway, I have come to realise that I do things better when I am emotionally powerful. As in, when I feel an emotion very strongly. Most of the time when I'm angry or frustrated. Then, I would be able to think rationally and really control and focus. Especially when I am not in the wrong. When I am being bullied/thrashed in the game lol. I would thing "who the hell does he think he is lah, that pro meh. No, stop being so arrogant lah that bastard. Watch how I kill him". LOL. So funny. Well I always feel very confident when I'm looking down on others. Sorry, I don't mean that in the bad sense. What I meant was that like, when I think I'm better, like the best. When I listen to Britney's "Piece of Me" and feel that I'm the one singing it, when everyone else admires me or is under me. Lol. Now I sound like some arrogant piece of shit. Aiya sorry larhs people just sharing their private thoughts with you can D:
I mean like, how can you get confidence when you don't believe that you are good? It's precisely because you believe that you are good, that you have that certain capability and ability then you can believe in yourself and gain confidence right. Lol. So secretly all the confident people are looking down on you :x HAHA. It can't be helped lah. Not like we really look down on people, but it's just that feeling you know. :/ Now it's getting worse. Argh whatever, I shall not explain any further in case I start confusing and twisting even my own words xD
Tatas, I should sleep now. Thank god it's sabbaticals tomorrow. No lessons. Omg man. But it feels like there are lessons. Sigh. Such a sad thing. Well the holidays are here. But they don't feel like holidays. Whatever. I'm too used to mugging. Lol. Damn it, half the year is gone already. How freaking fast is that. Nevermind. I shall go sleep and sort out this mess into words sometime later in the future. Haha. Okay bye bye(:
back to top?
Thursday, May 12, 2011 @ 10:09 PM
Hello. I am frustrated. My stomach suddenly hurt very much just now. It's like acute pain, just that it's targeted to a wide area and not a small one. Argh. It's like on the verge of hurting now. Anytime, and it will attach. Explode. Take over. Gone.
It feels as if the left side of my stomach has exploded. Or rather, a hole has been torn in the left side. Whether it is chewed through by hydrochloric acid or whatever, it doesn't matter. It really feels as if there's a hole there. And it's leaking profusely. The milk that I drank just now seems to be leaking from there and collecting in my body. Random parts of my flesh. Spreading like a drop of ink that touched a fabric. Those random, disorganised lines. Spreading like the blood vessels through my body. I can almost feel the coolness of the milk. In fact, I am feeling something cool against the left side of my stomach now. That's why I get the feeling that my stomach has burst. Ouch.
Argh. Damn the milk. I am positive that those bouts of pain were caused by the milk that I had drank. Argh, what went wrong? Rennin unable to convert caseinogen to casein? Damn. But that wouldn't hurt so much, would it. Argh.
I am screwed up. Very screwed up. And I type better when I have something to express. Something that is felt strongly. Something that I feel for, that I have a passion for. It flows more smoothly. I think you would have noticed that before, right?
CSM tomorrow. I have to pass a set of cards to someone. Took his cards home by mistake because I thought they were Dawn's. Well she played them as if they were her's; you can't really blame me. Okay. Nvm.
I think tomorrow would be quite boring. As usual. Will probably run into some of my friends again. At the milo truck. Lol. But this year all the Sec 4s will be at the college session. Which means that the oldest girls at the track will be us. Lol. Excluding the International School students. Sigh. May sneak off to the squash courts to play squash with Ting Ting. I'd demand her to teach me the way to play squash. Haha. But then again, maybe we'd get caught and be forced to go back to the track. Or maybe the courts will be locked up and we won't be able to go in. Any way, I'll still be with her or something going to the milo truck to queue for Milo or something. Argh. Quite boring. Sadly I won't be able to go out after that. SMP at Republic Poly again.
I just finished a very small part that I was supposed to do. And I realised that I quite like searching for articles and reliable sources to quote my "facts" from. It's quite interesting to read and take in all the extra stuff. Oh well.
I supposed I should go off to bed now. It's 10.18 pm already. Jacey is still loitering in the living room, outside the bedroom. And he has just come to me and rested his head on my lap. Lol. I think he wants me to open the door for him. Haha, okay, tatas.back to top?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 @ 6:30 PM
Stuff to do. Focus.
I can do it. I know I can. Mind over matter. Yes.
Sigh. So many things to do. But it's inevitable. It's not like I can control it.
Well fine, I can. If I decide to drop out of school. But that would have a few hundred times worse a consequence than having a lot of work to do. It's not like I can't cope or anything. So yeah. Just do it.
Haven't felt so focused in a long time. This is good.
By the way, I climbed to the top of the wall with the overhang today(: So yeah. Near the top, my hands really had no more strength left. I was literally using my fingers as claws. As hooks. Hard, unmoving hooks to hook myself up. Usually you'll use your palm too. As in, whatever muscle that you use when you press your palm to the rock and really grab the rock. But I could only use my fingers as hooks to pull myself up. And I never really touched the ceiling or anything. So I'm not very satisfied yet. But never mind. I know I can get past the overhang. It's not really that hard. I only climbed once today. Excluding the circuit we did for warm-ups. Actually I think that we don't even need warm-ups at all. Like that then we wouldn't waste any strength before the actual climbing. Oh well.
I think he's a very good teacher and person. He has values and his own views of the world and things that happen and those are quite meaningful. Interesting. Insightful. I like talking to him. And I've learnt quite a bit from him too. So, yep. That's all. Good bye(:back to top?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011 @ 9:00 PM
I'm freaking screwed.
Okay fine I shouldn't blog right now. I should be completing my part for our Chinese SIA. But damn it, it's sort of impossible that I would be able to finish my part by today? And it's a bad mistake for me to paraphrase the research. Because seriously, my Chinese vocabulary sucks? My vocabulary sucks, that's that. Look at my English. The range of words that I use. So pathetic. Not to mention Chinese. See? That's why my essays and compositions all can't make the cut. So yeah. Good bye.
Damn, I don't want to stay up late tonight because there's Chapter Test tomorrow ._. Thank God I've completed the pretest yesterday. Okay that's all bye.
There's a sunset to every chapter in life. It's always beautiful, because there are things that we've learnt from the process. Little details that we will discover if we look back at it thoroughly, from every point of view. That's life.
I salute and respect you, Minister and Sir George Yeo.back to top?
Monday, May 9, 2011 @ 6:22 PM
I always believe.
Truly, it is more important to have George Yeo as our foreign minister than to have more opposition voices in the Parliament. It's not like PAP is doing a bad job? They are still there, rallying our economy and improving our welfare! It's because of them that Singapore is recognised today! They tided us over the financial crisis without as much as a blink of an eye. We hardly had to dig into the reserves at all. So why do all these people not look at the big picture? They only care about their own welfare and that they have not enough money to spend! It's not like they are going to spiral into poverty or anything. This is not thinking for the country. If every one of us just cares about our own likes and interests then this country will be ruined too.
Lee Kuan Yew didn't care that his whole life will be spent on politics. He just knew that he had to do this for Singapore, because if he didn't then the country will be gone. We would be gone. We would have spiraled down into this imaginary black hole and just ceased to exist if not for his strong sense of determination and for his sacrifice. Did he want to be in politics? No. But he decided to take part in this fucked-up shit because he had to. He had a responsibility to do it. And now we're here only caring about our own interests. And it's not like George Yeo didn't do anything for the freaking country? For God's sake, his effort and work is like one of the most in the whole country/parliament! He, too, sacrificed his time with his family to fly everywhere to meet up with all those big shots with the rest of the world so that the whole of Singapore will be able to secure better deals. And now this is what we're doing. What the hell.
And Low Thia Khiang also. Unforgivable. He freaking knew that George Yeo was important to the whole damned country. But he purposely, bloody went to contest for Aljunied GRC. What the fuck? Is he pro enough to be the Foreign Minister? Is anyone in his team pro enough? If no then shut up! There are so many freaking GRCs for him to choose from, some even more easy that Aljunied GRC, but he just wanted to do this to annoy Lee Kuan Yew and the PAP. He just wanted to do this. To show that he is more powerful and influencial than George Yeo. God. And all these people just blindly believed his use of ethos. What the hell. They are like this bunch of angry mindless useless mob in Julius Caeser.
If you want more opposition voices in the parliament, it's not like you can't wait until the next election right? When they are not contesting for Aljunied. Do you know the whole huge freaking price that we have to pay for these so-called "more" opposition voices? Like I've said before, it's not like the Parliament and PAP makes and creates unreasonable policies? All the policies that they have created are aimed to help us improve our standard of living in this country! Yes, there are some places where they might have overlooked, but there are other areas that you can bring up the point right? Like on Lee Hsien Loong's facebook page? And it's not like the opposition will think of every single detail that the PAP has overlooked right? They are human too; they don't have the ability to be perfect.
So what the hell, this move of voting for the opposition just because of an impulse to get more "opposition voices" in the Parliament is downright stupid. I think that some people are perhaps even doing it because it sounds "chim" and "professional". For God's sake if you're a true professional you would see that our Foreign Minister is more important than this. He also promised to be the voice of change from within! And when has he not kept his promises? He went around the neighbourhood in his free time to chat with the residents and see what kinds of troubles they were facing. A Malay man said that the person living on the floor below his complained that his toilet was leaking into his house and asked the man to pay him $400 for the repair costs. The Malay man told George Yeo on his rounds about this problem. George Yeo took it down and the next day a letter arrived for the Malay man which said that the total cost he had to pay was subsidised to become $100. It helped him a huge freaking lot because he had no job and was living by himself in his flat.
The fact that George Yeo pays attention to even such small details as this means that he truly cares about the people! He had to fly everywhere for Singapore on his job, which means that he had very little time for his family already, but irregardless of this, he still went around the neighbourhood in his free time to talk to the residents and understand their problems. Is he not the caring and considerate yet talented and smart leader that all of you people want? Yet you still vote for the opposition because they will supposedly give you something better.
How freaking ironic this is.
George Yeo is the best Foreign Minister of Singapore since Mr. S. Rajaratnam. And believe me, it's not easy being Mr. S. Rajaratnam, especially when you are such a tiny dot on the map that no one even knows about or even thought about caring about it. And our George Yeo is as good as that. Have you even thought about what this means? In the modern world where it is not that pressing to have a good Foreign Minister because it's not like you will die if you don't talk properly, George Yeo is amazing. He doesn't talk crap. He doesn't go back on his promises. He keeps his words. And he's serious. What better man is there to lead and to take care of the people than he?
Ugh, people are getting blind and letting others lead the way they feel and make use of them.back to top?
@ 9:35 AM
Our beloved Foreign Minister.
Oh God, I'm sweating like shit. It's freaking humid, wtf. Feels like I'm inhaling water -_- Especially in the toilet. Argh.
I'm more efficient when I'm at home alone somehow. Because only then will I be able to concentrate on whatever shit I have to do and not be distracted by the tv that my parents/brother(s) are watching. Especially if there's a movie on (a cool movie). Argh I think that even if it isn't cool or what I'll still watch it -_- Rats to that. But movies are real nice, and are an awesome tool to pass time. But yes, it sucks when you have a whole lot of crap to do. But oh well, nvm.
Yada yada yada yes I know it's up to me to decide whether I'm distracted or not. Yes, yes, yes, I'm the one who controls my brains and the thoughts and actions that I have. So in theory, I am able to completely block off all that extra outside noise and just exist in my own little bubble to complete whatever the shit I am supposed to do or am doing at that point in time. But I'm human D: And that's just the theory. Not everyone is in full control of what they do or feel okay. It's not like you can control your moods/impulses easily :/ That's why we always have something on our minds and are not able to stop our minds from thinking and that's why it's scary to think that there's a chance that we may not exist any more after we die because we may not be able to think any more after we die. Strangely enough, that's Buddhism, because the one who achieve Nirvana can empty his mind completely and not even think O: Oh my God that makes sense. Lol. I just realised that now. Lol. Pardon me for being slow but it's not everyday or even once a week that I'm able to really blog with my thoughts and link everything all up together.
Anyway, as I was saying (or not saying), George Yeo's team lost the elections D: Which means that George Yeo is not an MP any more, and will not be in Parliament any more. Which means that his position as our own talented and amazing Foreign Minister is officially scraped. Damn it. Who the hell is going to take over him now? Hello, do you think it's that easy to be a Foreign Minister? To go overseas every other day and negotiate shit and whatever crap with the rest of the world? And with those powers that are ultra mega big that we cannot offend? And George Yeo actually does it so brilliantly that those overseas ambassadors all love him. Yes, they all love him. He is the symbol of Singapore overseas. People see him, and they know it's Singapore. God damn it. Look at this, huh? George Yeo's loss saddens ASEAN leaders. His loss Saddens ASEAN Leaders. He was a freaking symbol of ASEAN itself because he was the one who campaigned a lot and put in a lot for this group of alliances. He was a very fluent speaker and represents ASEAN. What the shit? Even people, bigshots from overseas are saddened by his loss in the elections. Then what do we, the country in question have to say? What the hell.
But then again, as Lee Kuan Yew said, if there is internal conflict within Singapore itself, her relations with the rest of the world would be jeopardised too. So I suppose we have to make the citizens of Singapore happy first :/ And they feel that they will be happy if the Worker's Party leads them and if there are more opposition voices in the Parliament. Sigh. So they decide to give up George Yeo, our freaking Foreign Minister, for those voices. And yes, our first ever fully-fledged female minister too. Whatever. I hope that choice wasn't made in vain.
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Wednesday, May 4, 2011 @ 9:28 PM
I feel so proud of myself! I've completed my part for our BSP presentation on a comparison between an element of the Western culture and beliefs and the Eastern culture and beliefs. And so here, I will proudly attach my one-page summary and analysis of the movie 英雄. Oh I love that movie. It is so amazing and so deep and just so inspiring.
By the way, I quite like typing in Chinese. Yay. It is also very comforting to know that I am somewhat coherent. This is quite an accomplishment. Cheers to reading books and gaining more knowledge. I need to grasp this language and culture so thoroughly that it is like a part of me, waiting for my commands and for me to use it as I please. Yay.
YES just got our copy of Lee Kuan Yew's Hard Truths! Shit man I really wanna start reading it. <3.back to top?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011 @ 6:24 PM
Hi. I cannot believe I am doing this. I just spent two hundred and twenty bucks on something :D 220. A present. Hahaha. Oh my god, what the f*ck, I actually spent more than 200 bucks on something! I think this is the first time in my life that I spent such a huge amount of my money. On an item. Hm. I don't think I've even spent more than 100 bucks on anything before. Hm. Maybe I did. I don't really remember O: But I think not right D:
I remember, I used to think that 80 dollars is quite a large sum of money already. As a matter of fact, indeed it is, but somehow I just feel that it's not that large a sum now, if you get what I mean. Ah well. Two hundred and twenty two dollars! In cash! Now my wallet feels kinda empty :x Haha, this is sort of like a paradox because my wallet is filled with a lot of other items such as random cards that I don't even use, random notes that people gave me and also a stack of tickets. Movie tickets, concert tickets, amusement park tickets, you name it, I have it xD Hee.
Yup. I am quite amazed by myself. But then again, I don't really feel that shocked, you know? Oh well. I anticipate giving her the present :D And making the roses and the stars. This is so awesome. I really anticipate wrapping the present! And making the card! Yay! This is so fun :D
Today, 3.5.2011, marks the first day that I've walked into a jewelry shop and purchased something. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Lol. Tatas(: I shall go do work now. Yay.back to top?
Monday, May 2, 2011 @ 12:16 PM
Hello all. I feel very tired and restless and listless and sleepy for some reason I can't comprehend. I really cannot do Math now. Okay, I can solve questions about stuff that we've learnt before, but I'm just too brain dead now to learn new things/formulas/concepts by myself now, especially from a textbook wtf.
Dumb weather. Okay, it's quite nice, if you are not in the mood for Sun. There's no sign of the Sun at all D: (fine fine there is a sign of the Sun - the sky is bright and I actually can see without the help of lights etc) The Sun is covered behind the clouds D: It's a very cool and relaxing day, and there's quite a lot of moisture in the air. The sky is bright but not too bright and the air around us is cold and cooling. But the thing is, this is exactly what's making me so listless! So sleepy! So tired! My eyelids are like damn heavy lah. And I just don't want to do work, you know? Sigh. It's the perfect kind of weather for you to sleep in. But I don't want to sleep too, because sleeping now is like so irritating. It will make me have a headache and make everything worse. And when I wake up I'll be feeling very irritated because I've wasted a lot of time away sleeping. And I may not even be able to (in fact I think I won't even be able to) sleep properly because I'll just keep waking up and then try to go back to sleep again but then wake up again. I think it's an automatic reaction inside my body. Argh.
It's the afternoon already but it doesn't even feel like the afternoon. It feels like some weird morning. Gah. Today has been wasted a little too :/ Argh. I want to go out and do something but at the same time I feel like I can't do anything at all. This is so frustrating.
But then again, I suppose I should thank the skies that the weather is like this today? I think if it were a hot and humid weather it would be a lot worse. I'll be feeling more listless and more unlike myself. Argh. Sian. Why so tired?
Anyway, last week is over already so it shouldn't be so bad already. But I still feel like I have a lot of crap to do. I think I still have a lot of crap to do. Like the Chinese SIA or whatever. Sigh. So much to do. But I don't feel like doing it :/ I just wanna heck care about everything, you know? And just do whatever I want to do for this period of time without and worries and whatever crap shit. Ah well.
Should I listen to music? I don't know if it will make me better or worse :/ Argh. Don't listen bah. I won't really be able to concentrate. Sigh. Okay back to my work :/back to top?
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When the days are cold What to do? The Last Paradise Rationality? Logic? Well fuck you. Hawaii Contemplation. Best way to go about your day A Journey Somewhere I lost a piece of me; smoking cigarettes... what?