& not-so deep secrets
huiting says hi
Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:
This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.
Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.
Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)
人生就是要盡情地瘋 ／ I am a free soul.
more of me
Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Thursday, April 28, 2011 @ 9:48 PM
Hello D: My whole body hurts from the 5 items practice that I did yesterday during PE lesson! Not to mention that very short period of time when I played badminton in the hall with Xiao Xue D:
You know, I'm sure that tomorrow it will hurt worse lol. Perhaps I made the muscle aches worse by running 2.4 today :x Anyway, I shall tell you which muscles hurt! LOL.
Okay, first, there's my two thigh muscles. The ones that I mentioned before that hurt after I did 40 squats with a dumbbell LOL. Yes, it's the one that's facing the sky when you sit down on a chair. Those two muscles hurt quite badly O: I can't go down the stairs or really walk properly LOL. I can't uh squat down too. Okay fine, actually I can, it's just that it's quite painful. Climbing the staircase is painful too, but it's a different kind of pain from the squatting down/going down steps pain. Hm.
Okay, then there's my stomach muscles. Yes, they really hurt quite a lot, probably because of the situps that I did in one minute yesterday D: Forty D: Oh yah, I forgot to mention, my thigh muscles were already hurting a bit this morning and yesterday after PE because I used quite a lot of those muscles when I was doing my sit ups ._. Anyway, yes, situps. I just spammed 40 LOL. Okay, taking into account that fact that I didn't really train for situps or whatever this year, it's quite understandable that my stomach muscles are hurting now. But strange, they didn't feel painful at all after I finished doing my situps leh O: Probably because they were still in a state of shock at the sudden exertion? LOL. SHIT I JUST SNEEZED AND MY STOMACH MUSCLES HURT LIKE HELL. OW THEY ARE STILL HURTING NOW IT'S LIKE when you poke someone's muscles when they are flexing it hardly and then the pain stays on until quite a while later. Sigh.
Okay, then there's my back muscles. I have no idea why they hurt though O: It seems as if I have never really had back muscle aches before... But oh well. This means that I must have used those muscles somehow or another yesterday O: Lol. Yah, they hurt. If I bend my back backwards (like when you are trying to 下腰 or just stretching your body when you wake up or something) they will hurt D: In addition to that, when I bend backwards, my stomach muscles hurt too because they are being stretched -_- What the hell.
Okay, then it's my uh arm muscles. The uh. One that you can feel becoming hard when you raise your arm sideways like a chicken. LOL. I think my analogies are weird. OH WELL. At least you understand what they mean right xD Yah, those muscles hurt, but I think I don't really notice them that much because I don't really use them or flex them or whatever so they don't affect me as much as my thigh/stomach/back muscles do. Hm. I think they are hurting because of the inclined pull ups that we did yesterday xD Lol. But at least I'm reassured that I'll be able to get an A on that day itself.
Okay, then the final one. This time it's only the one on my right arm that hurts. That muscle that stretches from the wrist at the back of your hand (back of your palm there) all the way to your elbow. Like, when you stretch your arms out in front of you as if you are going to dive forward into a swimming pool, the muscle on your forearm that faces the sky is the one that I'm talking about. That hurts a lot D: Especially when I straighten my arm and then bend my hand from my wrist area downwards. Ugh.
But the thing is, this kind of pain is not that kind of really unbearable, acute pain, you know? It's kinda not bad in a way O: Hahaha I'm not masochistic lah LOL. But maybe I am O: Because this kind of pain doesn't really hurt you that much in a way. It's just aching. Blue-black pains are also not really that pain xD These two kinds of pain are the pains that I prefer the most O: (of course, who doesn't prefer a bruise over a headache...)
Am I weird? When people get headaches, they will strive to avoid all forms (okay maybe not all) of music, especially those with a heavy bass and drum beats because it will cause their headache to worsen. But no, for me. I listen to that kind of music when I have a headache O: It drives the headache away lol. Other people usually listen to more soothing music, but I feel that soothing music makes my head throb more -_- Oh well. Nevermind, this is part of me and who I am so too bad xD
Haha okay I shall go sleep now (after I have packed my bag sigh). Today had been quite a crazy day. With Chinese compo, then Chemistry SPA, then LA speech, then 2.4. Oh well. I lived through it xD So it isn't really that bad, really. Haha okay bye! xDback to top?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011 @ 9:35 PM
Hello, long time no see :D But I should go to sleep now because there's still 2.4 tomorrow. Sigh. And speech. I seriously hope I won't be chosen or anything. Because I really CMI. Oh well.
Sigh okay byebye. See you soon O: I think I'll post another long and meaningful post soon! Yay. By the way, I've finished reading yet another Chinese book xD I'm so proud of myself. Muahahaha. Okay bye! x3back to top?
Thursday, April 21, 2011 @ 11:08 PM
Hello, I've just finished watching The Time Traveler's Wife.
It's beautiful, and the music is beautiful too. It's so familiar, like I've heard it and embraced it somewhere before... But the movie lacks something somehow. Really, the book is much more deeper. The movie is just like a peek into the book, an introduction and summary somehow. The book really leads you through the time, those years. You can really see into the lives and the hearts of Clare and Henry.
Oh well. But it's okay(: The overall story is still beautiful. Because I will always remember the book. It seems more real xD Ah it's awesome.
Titanic is amazing. It is really truly hard for someone to write and direct a movie so amazing that it is not just two hours worth of images. It's a story. Something that really happened. Something that you were brought into, that you became a part of, that stays a part of you even after you have left that cinema and that two hours worth of images behind. It stays in you always, as a vision, a memory. As if it were real. It turns real. This is why I am really amazed by James Cameron. He is amazing.
The music in The Time Traveler's Wife is amazing too. It really shows the emotions. It is the kind of music that will stay in me; if I ever listen to it again I will remember it, and it will always be close to be even though I don't consciously remember it. It's so familiar that it's strange, in a sense...
Ah. Titanic. I should watch it again someday. That is one movie that will truly bring me out of this world and enrich my senses. It is amazing. Titanic is amazing! I love it :D
Haha okay goodbye, now. I know that one should not linger too long in movies or stories or memories. Because life still progresses. Time still passes. You can't control it. So there's no point staying in the past and neglecting the present. And wasting the future. So, stuff like this, like the Guzheng SYF, the gold with honours, everything, they will stay in me.
But I will move on(:
Good bye!back to top?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011 @ 9:59 PM
I love wrapping presents for others.
Especially when I know that person and know what he or she would like(: You could call it a hobby of mine, haha.
Just finished wrapping Ying Ying's present. It's really quite nice xD I think the card is quite nice too! It fits the present(: The outside of it cannot be too elaborate, or else it would clash too much with the present itself. I shall upload a picture of it here sometime in the future xD
I'll be writing/finishing the card tomorrow or something, haha. I think I shouldn't let Jia Chun see it yet xD So that she will be kept in suspense until August when her present arrives. Then she would be shocked. LOL. Haha.
I love that feeling when someone comments and says that your wrapping is very nice(: I love the look on that person's face when you present him or her with something he or she truly likes. I love making it beautiful for them(:
Hahaha I think I can actually live on presents for my life! So now I have a few options when all else fails. 1. Open a dessert shop. 2. Be a hairstylist. 3. Be a gift wrapper. Make a living by helping people to wrap up their gifts. Hahaha.
I think I should scratch number 2. It's quite unlikely that I'll go be a hairstylist because I think it's not really that worth it :x I could do something better. So I guess I'll leave that job to those who really love it(:
Hee. I love giving presents! And I think my love language is words of affirmation. For some reason whenever someone uses the opposite of words of affirmation on me, it hurts the most D: If people don't give me gifts (like this year birthday LOL but ah well.), I'm quite fine with it, I suppose. Because I think I'm used to it already -_- Ever since I was young, I have never really been showered with gifts. HAHA. But I like giving it :D And I quite like receiving gifts. (maybe because it's so rare that I'll get a gift o_o) So maybe gifts is my second love language! Hahaha. Okay byebye I go pack my bag and sleep now xD
Love, me! Hui Ting O: Why am I signing off. Hahaha. Oh well whatever xD Good nights xD (:
Gold with Honours!back to top?
Sunday, April 17, 2011 @ 1:02 PM
I'm tired of staring at the computer screen and looking around and walking around looking at the same things over and over again. Nothing in the house interests me, at least for now. The food, my God, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of sweets, sick of lollipops, of chocolates, cornflakes, milk, oreos. I'm sick of turning my head and getting that bloody Goddamn headache and faintness. Damn it. I'm also sick of sitting down on my fat ass and stare at the computer screen and allowing my butt to get fat. I'm sick of being forced to research for SIA. I'm sick of doing projects and literature reviews and everything. I know what they are for. I know they can increase my knowledge of the world. But I'm just sick of it. Sick of not moving and being stationary right in front of the computer and knowing that my stamina and body is deteriorating. I want to go out and exercise. Actually I'm pretty much sick of that too. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to lie down. I don't want to walk around and observe and look at my surroundings and the things around me. Computer games disgust me. I'm sick of thinking of something to do. I'm sick of worrying and always having something in my to-do list. I don't want to finish that bloody literature review. I don't want to play games or whatever shit. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
That is why I bloody hate Sundays and that Sunday mood. I don't know why but I'll always feel like this on Sunday and Sunday afternoons after my tuition. Damn it.back to top?
Friday, April 15, 2011 @ 9:20 AM
Hello. Don't be shocked that I'm blogging during school hours when I'm supposed to be doing research for my speech, because I am actually blogging to gain inspiration and to just let my thoughts flow out xD
I think I've chosen the right topic! I mean, it's something that I really feel about, and I know it because of the sharing that the two seniors from Sec 4 did yesterday. They said that plastic surgery is quite good, but I think I disagree with them..
I mean, I won't deny that plastic surgery has its advantages, but I am still quite against it. I don't think I'll ever choose to go for plastic surgery in my life, unless I have no other choices, like, if I suffer crazy degree burns and really need plastic surgery or else I can't breathe or something. But that's quite horrible. Omg. Lol. I really don't fancy going through that ._.
Yes, plastic surgery has its advantages. For the average person who has no real need for plastic surgery (i.e. those who won't die if they don't receive plastic surgery), it will lift up their self-esteem, make them feel better about themselves and somehow allow them to make more friends (albeit shallow or materialistic friends). Meh. Is there any other advantage of plastic surgery? Oh yes, prevent people from bullying you and making comments about your appearance, like this girl. Her mother made the decision for her to go under the knife just because some other adults and other people made some comments about her ears that "stuck out too much". On one hand, yes, it will stop her from being bullied by her peers and give her more self-confidence, but is this reallly self-confidence?
It doesn't really come from her inner self; she doesn't really believe in her self as one single unique person. It only comes from her appearances. That, to me, is not self-confidence at all. If one day, the world starts feeling that flat ears are not beautiful or normal any more, then won't she have to go through plastic surgery again to make her ears stick out so that she can kee pup with the rest of the world? The supposed self-esteem that she has gotten from going through plastic surgery to make her ears less stuck-out will be destroyed in an instance, just because of the progress and the difference in the way people think. Is this real self-esteem? No!
Self-confidence appears when you are able to accept your self, your whole self as you. Unique. Others have no right to interfere. In fact, they can't even interfere with the way you think about yourself at all, because you are the one who is controlling those thoughts about yourself. You are the one who gives yourself confidence. You are the one who thinks and who believes that you are completely, unique, wholly you, and that you are beautiful. You know that you have flaws, and it is an inevitable part of your life and yourself. But you can actually find ways to change those flaws, to make those flaws into your true strengths by looking at the good part in you. (Of course, I am talking about appearance flaws here. The flaws in your personality can be overcome if you make the effort to change and be a better person)
The flaws in your appearance can be changed by plastic surgery, but the flaws in your heart cannot. Once you are unable to overcome the emotional barrier by yourself, you will forever be trapped in the world where you are only able to gain confidence when others praise you. You can't attain the highest level of confidence by yourself, if you don't change from inside.
So, believe in the fact that you are beautiful, and don't bother about what others think. You are beautiful, and nobody can change that impression of yourself. So don't go requesting for plastic surgery because the truly beautiful person is one who exudes pure confidence from the inside, and who accepts himself or herself for who he or she really is(:
Love, me.back to top?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011 @ 7:47 PM
Hello. I just stuffed myself with food. And I literally mean stuff, because I just ate and ate until I'm damn full and now I'm sad cause I'll get fat again D: But I'm already fat.. But that will mean that I will waste whatever exercise I did today. Oh well. C'est la vie :/
Meh. I'm feeling kinda bored. And I kinda like going to youtube and watching videos now. Sigh now I know why people can spend a whole day on youtube if they have an idol to obsess over. Oh well. Did I spell obsess correctly? Hm I don't know. Haha. The word obsess suddenly looks very weird. Hahahahaha.
You know, I'm getting muscle aches from playing guzheng LOL. Everything play so hard already but still sounds so soft D: Especially at the end of 草原, where the emotions are supposed to be at their peak. Play so hard. Use so much strength. But the melody that comes out still sounds so feeble and weak and emotionless. Argh.
I wonder if it is because of the people behind us D: Sigh.
Papaya is awesome. So sweet and nice. It has such a unique texture and taste and feel and smell. Strange. I've never noticed it before. Hm. It's really quite weird hahahaha. Lol. I supposed if you haven't experienced something before it will seem weird to you.
I love music. I know that my future will be intertwined with music somehow. It's already a huge part of my life. I love it. Awesomeness. (:
Okay it's going to be 8 soon. I shall start on all the shit that I have to do. And then bathe sometime. I don't feel like bathing at 8 cause I am really feeling so damn freaking full. Apparently it's bad to bathe after you've just eaten? Lol. It sounds kinda illogical now. But that's what my father always say, ever since I was a little girl. So oh well. Actually it hasn't been that long since I was a little girl lah, but you know what I mean HAHA.
I think Singlish is interesting. I mean, the Singaporean accent is so cool. Damn it, we actually have an accent! How cool is that! Okay actually if you think about it every single person has an accent cause the way you speak will definitely be different from another person from another part of the world. But ah you get what I mean. Haha.
So cool so cool so cool once you hear us speak you'll be sure that we are Singaporeans already HAHAHA. Lol.
Okay I'm really too lazy to think that much and type that much now so byebye xDback to top?
Sunday, April 10, 2011 @ 9:44 PM
I have found my purpose in life(: And I will continue living for that! I want to enrich my life! And yes, I know I'm still young and should enjoy my life as a teenager and not worry or care too much about stuff, but there are just some things that I have to do that aren't supposed to be done later. Sure, once in a while I will relax, but after I do that, after I have satisfied my craving for a normal whiny teenage (lol) life, it's time to get back down to work xD
Time is precious! I will have to learn and do all that I can now xD
Good night xD
I will remember today and that day and everything.back to top?
Thursday, April 7, 2011 @ 9:38 PM
I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'll have to go to bed now instead of complete the Math homework(: It is with a greatest regret that I'm doing this, but too bad :x
Sleep is really and truly more precious to me now. I can push the understanding of new concepts to tomorrow or a time when I am really awake. I'd be able to learn better that way anyway. So, yep. See you(:
I wanna borrow some books to read! But sadly, I think I won't have the time to do so, and I'm sure that the teachers will want me to read scientific books instead so that I won't make myself look ugly during the MCQ admission test for NSC D: Sigh. But books are really so important and full of life! They attribute to the person whom I am today D: Sigh. I supposed we'll have to wait just that little bit longer then. Tatas(:
Oh yah, I would love to watch some movies too. Especially since my brother has so kindly installed this amazing application on the laptop here, which can allow me to watch practically all the movies that I've been wanting to watch, save for those that just left the cinemas and obviously would (should) not be out in the normal world yet.
Okay, that's all, tatas(:back to top?
Monday, April 4, 2011 @ 6:59 PM
I think that Jacey is sad.
Wait, actually, no, I know that he is sad. Because my mum and my dad are overseas and he misses them even though today is only the second day of their absence and tonight is only the second night of their absence D: Oh well. He's still waiting at the door/gate/balcony for them to come home. Oh well. Can't be helped. They'll (including my brother, 2nd) only be back in the late afternoon of this Wednesday. Oh well.
Sigh. I dislike blogger because I can't press "enter" to go on to the next line. This is irritating. For the past few months, ever since I started blogging, I've been clicking the bullet points sign then clicking it again, only then will my "enter" work. But the thing is I am only able to leave a line and not just go to the next line. But ah well. Better than nothing, I suppose(: I need to become more optimistic again! Am I an optimistic person O: I don't know. Lol. I don't feel like typing in arial or georgia today. Maybe trebuchet? Hm.
I think there is some problem with the layout of my blog. The way the html is being written. That's why my "enter" button is unable to function properly D:
Language Arts today was okay, I suppose. The paper was quite weird, in the sense that I have never really done passage-based questions for an exam before. Sure, I have been doing comprehension ever since I was a seven-year-old kid, but I have never had the chance to know the content of the passage beforehand. Yet, now, we actually get to study something. Oh well. So it's quite easy, in that sense. You don't have to think straightaway at the scene :/
Hahaha I'm quite proud of myself, I suppose. I can type without looking at the keyboard already :D Okay, wait, I have been able to do that since quite a long time ago, but I just didn't comment on it. Anyway, yes. It still seems so recent that I have to pause for a while before finding the correct letter and punching it with my finger, much less look at the keyboard and type. Now I can just stare at the computer screen and most of my letters will come out accurate xD Actually, I think it's 99.9% of the letters HAHAHA. I am such a braggart. LOL.
I've learnt many new words and phrases from The Time Traveler's Wife O: Audrey Niffenegger is really a good writer. Pardon me for saying this, but she is a lot better than Stephenie Meyer. Audrey uses a wide range of vocabulary :x But then again, The Time Traveler's Wife was not written for children, so yeah. Hee.
I'm wondering whether I should watch Titanic tonight. I don't really have the mood to do so. But well, we'll see xD
Gah I keep procrastinating my work. But really, I really do not have the mood to conduct research and to write a research paper on the history of country music, famous singer-icons of country music and famous songs and composers of country music D: I really don't have the mood to do it now.. Sian, sigh. It's 7.13pm. I'm feeling a little tired. Should I drink coffee? I feel like drinking coffee :x But then I won't be able to sleep. Lol. Ah heck.
I had insomnia last night O: For some reason, as I tossed and turned about, I just couldn't sleep :/ Oh well.
Nvm, I shall go do I don't know what now. Bye(:
I love Jacey(:
And Mark Antony is awesome. Muahahahaha.back to top?
Sunday, April 3, 2011 @ 11:43 AM
I see you..In all your glory, your fame, your triumphs, your spoils.
I see your weaknesses, your normality.
I see your face, your smile, your eyes, your spirit.
I see your courage, your love, your strength to move on.
I see the goodness in you.
I see the way you strive to bring happiness to the world, and also to the people around you.
I see you as a normal, average person, doing your best in everything.
I see the way you inspire and bring hope to us all.
I see the person that you want to be, and the person you have become.
Keep faith and stay strong; there will always be people who love you.
@ 8:43 AM
I really want to be a good person. Someone who genuinely cares about others and who is willing to make sacrifices for the greater good. I want to smile and stay optimistic. I want to be able to stay focused at the correct times, and accept others' comments (be it good or bad) about me readily.
But it's just so hard to stay as this good person at times. Sometimes, unknowingly, I revert back to my original form - the Hui Ting who does everything for her own good, the Hui Ting who is too proud to acknowledge her mistakes and the Hui Ting who regards the world immaturely. The cold, arrogant, selfish, immature Hui Ting.
That me disgusts me at times. But God, what am I talking about, that me is still me. I have the power to control her. I should control her. Hell, then why is it that sometimes I'll just slip back into that wreckful state? D: Please help me, someone. Please let me cry in my sleep or in the shower about something, that will make me really think about the world and come back to the me who really wants to be good.
You know, I've thought about this so much that it is starting to screw me up. I know that I am supposed to be sefless and help others because that is the right thing to do. They are in need of help. I should do what I can to help them and to ease some of their pain. But the thing is, at times, I am confused about the reason why I am actually doing that. It has become such a routine that I'm doing it just because my self says that I should do it, that it is the right thing to do. I am not doing it out of genuine concern for them...
I am afraid of this self. I am afraid that someday I will never come back to the me who does things to help others because I really believe that it will help them. Not because it's a routine or because it is supposedly right. I want to really believe that it is right..
Sigh. This will be my mission for now. To find the girl who really cares about others, and to keep her here. Meanwhile, I will expose myself to as many things as possible :D I really want to learn how to play the piano. Not because it will gain me fame or anything, not because he does it and not because it is an important thing to master if you want to become a composer. No, not because of any of that. I want to learn it because it is an instrument that will allow my emotions to flow (since you can play pop songs on it lol) (eh not only because of pop songs okay I also want to learn some classical pieces or exam pieces that I really like) and that I believe will help me to relax and just immerse more in music (:
I'm sorry but I am really too lousy at guzheng even though I have been playing it for 7 years. Lol. I didn't practise and play it properly, that's why... Furthermore it's only recently that I've realised the beauty of a guzheng ensemble and the way to express emotions. But I will keep a guzheng in my future home too, because there are some guzheng songs that are beautiful(:
Okay, bye! :D
P.S. Actually, I am already glad that I actually have some kind of a head start in music :x At least I know how to play a musical instrument, and am not that musically retarded haha. At least I am able to produce music through a musical instrument; at least my fingers are musical. (musical in the sense that they are used to the act of creating music, and have adapted to it [i.e. grown longer LOL])back to top?
Saturday, April 2, 2011 @ 9:58 PM
我一定会去帮助那些需要帮助的人。back to top?
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When the days are cold What to do? The Last Paradise Rationality? Logic? Well fuck you. Hawaii Contemplation. Best way to go about your day A Journey Somewhere I lost a piece of me; smoking cigarettes... what?