some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
more of me

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Wednesday, March 30, 2011 @ 9:34 PM
I love you.

Sigh I wasted the whole day and the whole afternoon but argh what the hell lah 既然木已成舟我们就不去管它吧. Damn it it's so hard to find chinese characters using the web. Since I can't find the language bar for this laptop (my brother's vaio laptop that I haven't used in quite a while because I love my fujitsu laptop but for some reason it screwed up and can't connect to the web D:) I have to slowly use English words to translate into Chinese phrases -_- Lol. Sometimes I even have to tranlate it word for word LOL. Like "since" "wood" "already" "become" "boat" "we" "achievements (I had to type this cause I couldn't find the word for jiu)" "don't" "go" "care" "it". Lmao.


Damn it, I want the next chapter of Rosario Vampire 2 to come out soon. But sian, I have to wait for another month before it does. Wtf. By that time SYF would have been over already, omg. So many things would have had happened. Sigh. I should pack my bag and sleep now, since it's already 9.42 pm. Sigh okay. Time to mug for IH tomorrow. I didn't even complete anything today. Argh. I really wasted the whole damn afternoon. Sigh. But what's done is done; I shouldn't be crying over spilt milk now. Okay, goodbye, have fun, have a restful night, bye(:

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Sunday, March 27, 2011 @ 6:53 PM

Hello. These 2 days have been very weird days for me. Especially today.

Today is just... Plain weird. Like I've wasted a day of my life somehow. In the morning we packed and left the chalet, and went to eat breakfast, then came home. And then I stayed at home all the way. I skipped tuition to study for the block tests... And to finish editting my personal narrative. I have two versions of the narrative now. Actually, I wasn't really editting it. To put it in more precise terms, I was rewriting it lol. I just felt like writing it again. And I spent 1 hour + on it, from 3 to 4. I don't know what I was doing from 11 to 3 O: As I was writing, I would turn my head back now and then to watch the television programme. There was a Chinese movie about cooking on at that time. It was quite a dumb movie, actually (as most old Chinese movies are lol), but I still watched it. And wasted a little bit of time :/

I don't feel productive today at all. I mean, I've finished studying for Physics, but somehow I feel like there's still a lot of loopholes in my knowledge and what I'm supposed to know. And the worst thing is that I feel like I have wasted my time and day away by just sitting in the room and studying and listening and singing to some music at the same time. My whole afternoon is gone, just like that! And I haven't learnt anything much cause all of these I've learnt before. So, it's quite bad. Today doesn't feel like a day at all. Sigh. It passed so irritatingly quickly.

Why is it that time seems to pass faster and faster as you grow older? Like what Harper in Thursday's Child said. It's weird. Is it because we don't really have anything to do when we are younger? Or that we just don't take note of the time as consciously as we do when we are older? Sigh. I hate that feeling that chastises me for wasting a day and wasting precious time away...

Yes, I feel like I'm wasting time when I am studying. Especially for something of such small significance, like this block test. I mean like, wtf? This is just a block test, for heaven's sake. It is akin to a quiz or something like that. So why the hell am I wasting my life away studying for this shit? It's not like the results for this matter that much. I can do so much more good elsewhere.

Sigh. I have got no life. Teenagers my age in normal schools should be going out frequently during the weekends and just play and slack and bond with their group of friends. Nanyang is too Goddamn results-orientated. Damn it, who are you to force me to waste my life and youth away studying for all this shit? For God's sake, I am in a Secondary school now and I am in the teenage part of my life. Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Why the hell am I putting so much bloody stress on myself when it doesn't even deserve me to be stressed over it? This is just annoyingly irritating. Screw society; I want to live my freaking life without all these crap because I'm not supposed to be worried about all these crap now. Why make myself prone to premature aging when I can spend my time and my brain cells elsewhere?

Damn all the tests and examinations and homework. I don't need you in my life. And perfect scores, I don't freaking need you either. I am not going to screw my life worrying so much about the perfect results and the future. Test results do not define who I am.

So screw you all, homework and studying shits.
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Thursday, March 24, 2011 @ 6:48 PM
不知不觉放弃了自己

大家好。

我不知道我应该对现在的情况感到担忧或悲伤。你知道吗,我好害怕。害怕自己失去感情、变成一个毫无感觉的木头。我害怕自己疏忽了应该注重的东西。我害怕我再也毫无能力奋斗下去。

我不知道我奋斗的理由。我不了解自己到底在寻找什么。在为什而活。天哪,请你告诉我,我为什么找不到坚持下去的勇气?我为什么变成了这个一天到晚只为活而活的动物?不,我根本不配做个动物。至少动物有能力去想、去思考。现在的我根本无能力去控制自己的每一个行动和思路。我死死地告诉自己要做这样,要做那样,但我的灵魂和心理知道,我根本就不相信自己叫自己做的事。我知道我为什么要去做,但是我就是不能够为那个理由而用心去做。。。

唉。好烦啊。我真的不想再去理会生命中这些无益的东西。

天还亮着。但我的生活以暗淡。

再见。

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011 @ 9:16 PM
Dedicated to you.
Hello, Miss Chan said that I should read more widely and write more to improve my writing ability; so here I am, blogging(: I think blogging is the best way to train your writing skills. That is, if you post using grammatically accurate English, of course. However the point is, it feels weird to post using grammatically accurate English D: For some reason, the whole post will seem so technical and dead. Sigh. I should learn how to develop my personal voice using sound English :/

Actually, I cannot think of anything to write about for now. Furthermore, I feel a little oppressed here. Okay, to be honest, I guess I'm the one forcing that oppression on myself. Then again, it isn't really my fault that I'm not that comfortable with typing freely and expressing all of my thoughts freely in public areas...

Hm. I realise that I'm quite a reserved person. Yes, I know, I don't seem like it at all, cause you can see me expressing my opinions in class and everything. But that doesn't mean that I don't keep anything to myself. In fact I think I hide quite a lot of myself. I wonder if any of you think so? Or maybe it's just me living in self-denial by thinking that people can't see through my external appearance LOL. Hm that makes me sound so depressed. Like I'm acting happy on the outside and am actually a very depressed and pessimistic person inside. But I'm not okay D: I don't really fake the person I am outside - I think.

Ugh this is such a weird topic to talk about. Never mind, let's change the subject :D

I think sunsets are so beautiful. The colours that the rays of the setting sun form are so diverse and beautiful. They envelop me in this warm feeling somehow; I feel so calm and serene while looking at the sunsets. Sadly, they only last for at most 10 minutes. With every second that passes by, the colours will change - until the change becomes visable. At that time though, you would suddenly be jerked back to reality - was the sky like this just now? Why didn't I notice the change?

I think this is just like life. While we are living in life, we are unable to see the things that change around us clearly. We don't see how much we have changed, and how much we have grown taller. It's just like the situation that arises when you haven't seen a relative in a long time (a year, perhaps). "Oh my gosh, you have grown so tall already! Time passes so fast." Then you would be thinking - Did I? Why didn't I notice? Lol.

Sunsets are so beautiful. They don't signify the end of the day or the end of something happy and nice. They signify the beginning of the night. The cool, calm, exciting and brimming life. Ah life is so beautiful. I love nature.

I don't want to be so caught up in the troubles of civilised life that I am blind to nature. For the past few weeks (or rather, months), I have been too immersed in the shallow world - studies, assigments, projects, money. I don't want to lose my ability to appreciate nature, to enjoy the cool and moist smell of the night air. Sigh.

Society, society. What have you made me into? What are you making the rest of the world into? You have caused your own people to destroy nature - to be blind to the beauty and serenity of life itself. Sigh.

But it's okay. It's still okay, because there are still people out there who are still sensitive to the breath and whispers of our mother Earth. Ah Mother, you must prevail. I will be there for you as long as I shall exist, and as long as I still have a rational mind under my control. Even when I don't exist any more, my spirit shall live on and there will still be others who love you with their lives. Mother Nature, this is for you. I love you.

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Sunday, March 20, 2011 @ 6:47 PM
meh.
God damn the personal narrative essay. I am challenging my limits by writing about challenging limits. ._.
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Friday, March 18, 2011 @ 10:47 PM

Hello, I quote Li Shuen:

Life is good!

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@ 9:47 AM
number 98.

Hello everyone :D This is quite interesting because I have just finished Part 2 of the series of Language Arts Lectures on LMS! I think it's quite cool O: Haha. But I have this tendency to fall asleep after a while, as when I am listening to the EPGY lectures. Ah, technology is progressing so quickly. This year, I've started listening to software lectures and learning things online. Okay, I suppose the phrase "learning things" is too vague. Hm. Listening to lectures from computers then xD I actually manage to learn from those lectures O: Just that I think I'd rather have a typical Math lesson with Mdm Lee than with the computer. At least Mdm Lee will uhm provide us with more examples and we will be able to ask questions and get the answers to those questions immediately.. :/

You know, I have decided that I will heck care with the rules. I will ignore them, and I will not use up all of my brain juices to think about the perfect essay that will score me high marks. I will not care about what is the perfect theme to use. I will just write from my heart like what I always do in my black notebook :D Who cares if I don't do well for it. It's my piece of writing that I've put my heart into; the physical grade and numbers don't matter in the least. Lalala. If you want to learn, then learn with your heart and mind, and don't just learn for the sake of those crappy numbers :D What's the use of those crappy numbers if you don't learn anything for yourself?

You know, I have also realised that I'm a freaking arrogant person D: Stop being so arrogant, you moron D: Lol I wrote that on my hand yesterday hahahaha. As for the reason why I think that way of myself, that's quite personal. Hm. Maybe I just don't want to seem like some proud and boastful idiot here O: Oh well. Stop being so arrogant! It's not like you know a lot about the world and about people. Your knowledge is so freaking limited, you know. You don't have those experiences too. Don't think you know that much about the world and about various people and how they think. You don't, actually. So stop acting like you do, like you're so superior compared to the rest. Stop thinking that way too, thanks. You are not superior. Don't live in self-denial. You can go wrong too. You make mistakes too. You are not what you think you are.

Ahh sigh, I should stop being so arrogant.

These few posts don't have pictures in them because I don't feel like searching for pictures :D Actually, to be more precise, it's actually because I don't feel like using pictures to express my emotions. So yeah. Or perhaps it's just because there's no need for using pictures (: So, sorry for the lack of colour! Wahahahahas. Goodbye, I will think of something personal and dear to me that I will write for my personal narrative essay.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2011 @ 7:00 PM
that I am STRONG.

Hi. Whoo. Just did PT. Lol. So now I'm standing up and blogging because I don't want my butt or my thighs to get any fatter than they already are. Wahahaha.

60 situps - slowly, the kind where you are really stretching and using your muscles and not just chionging within time constraints.

2 sets of bridge - 1 minute each, 20 seconds in between

uh squats? 2 sets. Each set contains 20 squats, with a 4kg dumbell in my left/right hand. Right hand ten times left ten times. Rested for around 22 seconds in between?

Shit man this is pathetic that's all. LOL. Whatever, at least I sweated a few drops at least and actually did something instead of stoning and getting fat :D Didn't feel like running so didn't go run and did PT instead LOL.

Ah sian. Tomorrow got guzheng again. Damn sian. Sigh. But yay, I think we'll be finishing Hua Mu Lan xD Wahahahas. I feel abit weird now. You know, the kind of feeling you get after running? Like a lot of 热气 inside you. Or maybe I'm the only weird one who feels like this after running/exercising -_- Oh well whatever lah hor.

I really wanna go sing k D: I wanna sing~ Singing will take away my headaches/weird feelings. Sigh. You know, I really look forward to Saturdays nowadays :D Actually, ever since like a few months ago I always look forwards to Saturdays :D Cause got OB lessons! Woohoos. (: Yay. I'm still feeling a little weird now though. Sian don't feel like eating dinner now. But bo pian lah. Nvm. I think I'll go sing in the shower later. Bye!(:

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Sunday, March 13, 2011 @ 9:12 PM
Hello.

Hello hello long time no see. Obs is over! And I bought a t-shirt. I quite like that t shirt, I don't know why. Haha. Even though it's not the t shirt that I originally wanted. The one that says "OUTWARD BOUND SINGAPORE" at the back, that our seniors always wear to school. Nvm, 'I am an outward bounder' is quite nice as well :D Anyway I can ask the people who are going in June to help me buy the black coloured version of the outward bound singapore tshirt that I want also. Hahaha.

Sigh, broken English. Argh who cares(:

His concert was amazing. I will never forget it in the whole course of my life. It will continue to give me strength and hope and allow me to believe in life. It made me believe once more, that I can do it and that I am already doing it and that I will be able to do it. I will do it. For my sake, for my parents' sake, for my family's sake, for the world's sake. I will do it. Believe in me!

Haha that sounded a little corny but whatever.

These few days I have this craving to go sing karaoke. It's quite cool cause even though we were in obs at Pulau Ubin we still had the chance to practise singing xD I love Jia Yi's harmonisation with my 期待爱. It is so awesome. And I also love singing together with the various people in my group. It really helps when you sing and walk along the sandy wet forest track, instead of lumbering through it alone, in your own thoughts. Singing takes your mind off the fact that your bag is extremely heavy and that your shoulders are starting to hurt badly and that your legs are starting to get tired. It makes you focus more on the way you open your mouth and the note that comes out of it. It is awesome! Lalala.

You know, when I got home on Friday, 11th March 2011, the first thought I had was that Jacey's fur is so damn smooth and soft. Seriously. When I stroked his head I couldn't believe that his fur is so soft and nice and smooth. So much nicer than my hair -_- Damnit lol. Why is he so pampered, omg. He's like a spoilt rich kid lah. Hahahaha.

My passion for Chinese has suddenly erupted again. I love Chinese. I love Chinese. Lalala. Haha okay I'm quite sleepy and tired already. I feel so useless because I haven't completed any significant amount of homework yet): This sucks. And I don't understand how to do synthetic division etc. That sucks too. I am not completely sure of the way to find horizontal and vertical asymptotes. I can find the vertical asymptotes for linear graphs, but what the hell about horizontal/oblique asymptotes?! Gah. Irritating. Sian okay bye. I hope I will have the mood and the urgency to start doing all the freaking homework :/ Sian. Really don't feel like researching and acquiring more info. Argh. Okay bye good night.

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Tuesday, March 1, 2011 @ 9:22 PM
相信
Hello everyone :D I've just finished writing a note to someone(: I quite like that note. Even though it's simple, and there're only three colours on it. Light pink, light blue and black. Excluding white, of course.

You know, I'm starting to believe. In one of the personality tests that I took quite a while ago, one of my answers indicate that I am "afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career (I) would like to have in case (I) don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't even started yet! Be courageous." This is so damn true oh my god. Yes. I should be courageous and venture into things that I'm not sure of. I should take the risks. And try.

我学着不去担心的太远,不计划太多反而能勇敢冒险 丰富的过每一天、快乐的看每一天


Ah, life.

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recent entries

Painful longing for another day C'est la vie, ma cherie. Antibiotics Perfectionist streaks. Now Playing: Autumn Finds Winter - Yiruma Eating as a form of distraction One of those days A foggy world(?) Don't know why I'm writing this down We call everything on the ice, "love".