some public
thoughts
& not-so deep secrets
tag please or die



huiting says hi

Welllllll this is the public blog, so the things written here should be more-or-less stomach-able. ;) So I guess this is where I say the mandatory line:

This blog documents the thoughts and growth process of:
A free soul roaming the world in search of some meaning to life.

Pretty sure that's not the exact way I phrased it when I had my old blog skin but WTV HAHA.

Oooooh wait I think I wrote it as "lonely soul" instead of "free soul". But hey guys I've grown out of that emoshitz phase already alright ;)

Enjoy.

人生就是要盡情地瘋 / I am a free soul.

bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
more of me

Naruto: Hokage Funeral Theme (Guzheng) youtube instagram Facebook twitter & my dearest Ting Ting
Saturday, January 12, 2019 @ 8:22 AM
Rationality? Logic? Well fuck you.
Hey bloggo,

I think it's a good time for me to talk to you right now! Just now we had our CSOM group meeting with Peter, Kelly and Kelly's various new student interns, and we were confirming the plan for my upcoming EGFR mice experiments. And when I talked about one of my concerns - (if anyone had even tried looking at the connection between EGFR and PAO1 before?) - the answer was "no", we will be the first people to attempt to investigate this relationship. And Kelly was saying don't you feel like an adventurer? And Peter was saying, hey, isn't this exciting, that you're the first person in the world to investigate something like this, something completely new to the rest of the world? And I was like nah, not really. Not sure if I said that because I was trying to rebel against the idea that Science should be exciting, or that my mind was just too consumed with the worries of not being skilful enough to complete the experiments they wanted me to complete, but I really didn't feel the pull of Science at that point in time lol.

And just now I was thinking about whether I ever felt happy to do Science, and what were the circumstances surrounding that happiness. I think I am praised for the work I do, and when I know that I am doing the work well. But I feel like that isn't enough to sustain me... If I am worried about time, money, resources, skills, results... I don't think I will be happy to do Science. The basic drive isn't there, the urge to feel like an explorer/an adventurer. And that is why I think I shouldn't stay in it for the long run.

What about music? Can I continue doing it? What motivates me to do it?

Well, I think a large part of it is how my listeners react to my music. I have these amazing supporters right now, like Alvin and Hosung, who tell me that they feel what my music is trying to say. And that keeps me going, on and on and on. I know that there is a scientific basis behind this. That certain chords, certain notes, certain progressions will invoke goosebumps in you. And I can study the Science of it and think about how to continue making people feel a certain way that I want them to feel.

Am I just rationalising things? Maybe what's most important, and what's most relevant right here is that I just want to fucking do it HAHA. I just want to do it. Does it really matter why? I just want to study the language of music, and then be able to put things together in a way to make people feel. Even if they may not feel what I want them to feel. Do I really need a logical reason behind why I wanna do that? Men are irrational creatures after all. You could throw a thousand reasons at me dictating why you think I'll fail but I'll still want to do it, because fuck you. Lmao. Like I said, highly irrational haha. There's no need to discuss why. It just is.

So I guess the point is there is no point in discussing why I want to do shit. We are way past that point already, and right now all we can do is go ahead to do shit without getting distracted by other shit that people throw at us. Wew. Wow. Yay. That's all! Now go forth and shine!

P.S. Sometimes you need to be forced beyond a certain point to totally not give a damn any longer, and boy do I miss not giving a damn. This feeling shall be cherished.

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Tuesday, December 25, 2018 @ 2:32 AM
Hawaii
Hey bloggo. It's been two weeks! (sorta). I woke up this morning and my pharynx is kinda swollen. I hope that doesn't mean that I'm about to catch a cold :( I hope this goes away quickly or else my holiday will be pretty sad T-T I don't want to be sick when I'm supposed to be enjoying with le bao T-T

Anyway, I thought I'd share with you my experience in Hawaii from 16-20 December 2018! It was great :) Drove up the volcano, went snorkelling and saw whales and dolphins, and most of all, LEARNT SURFING!!! Let me tell you, I do love surfing, bloggo. It is extremely fun. I feel very at peace and happy in the water. I love the sea and the ocean, actually. It always makes me feel very free when I am on it. I suppose that's why I love cruises and ferries and watching the sea. It gives me a sense of infinity, haha. And I feel so happy that I can be a part of the sea.

You know that moment of pure bliss? I felt it when I was lying on my surfboard, bobbing up and down in the waves and watching the world sideways. The Maui volcanoes were in the distance, and all I saw was them, the waves, the clouds and the blue skies. It was a moment of such clear bliss that I felt like I would be happy even if I died in the moment, there and then. It's a great place to die, actually, with such a beautiful, unobstructed view in front of you. Paradise, indeed.




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Friday, December 7, 2018 @ 4:31 AM
Contemplation.
Read an article just now about how we're all so tired because of the incessant notifications on the various social apps we are subscribed to, including instant messaging services. It's as if people are pounding on our door nonstop, asking us to let them in. In the past, how were things like for us as kids? I did my work when I had to, there was nothing at the back of my mind regarding what other things I needed to do after doing whatever it is I was doing at the moment. Now (like what I told Mia), thoughts are chasing each other around my head, afraid of losing sight of the tails of other thoughts in front of it. During recess, we rested, as simple as that. We did whatever we wanted, we didn't try to make the break time "productive". Things were simpler; they passed by in a linear fashion. Now, even when we are doing something, other things capture our attention at the back of our minds.

Perhaps the best thing to do, then, is to let go, and be happy because we are free from the enslavement of our own thoughts. It is really tiring, you know, to keep a mental list of things that you have to do. It is good, sometimes, to just let go of opportunities - even those that you think may benefit you in the future, but not necessarily now.

Ah, I feel like grabbing a cheesecake to eat. Perhaps I will do that, indeed, I do have enough money for that after all :)

See you in a bit.

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Tuesday, December 4, 2018 @ 1:08 AM
Best way to go about your day
Everyone has his own quirks, his own habits, his own stories to tell. Experiences which caused him to acquire those quirks and habits and undeniable parts of his personality. Some quirks are compatible with others, some are not. But if we were to approach every person the way we get to know a character in a story, wouldn't we be able to objectively appreciate those quirks, even if we may decide not to like these particular quirks in the end? I am always interested in hearing people's stories, if for some reason they have decided to be okay with telling me about them. These are the most authentic parts of a person - the way he remembers something, the things that he believes in, all not hidden under the guise of a need for social acceptance.

My brain is still pretty slow at the moment. Perhaps I should just go forth with what routine is strongly hinting at me to do. That may be a more productive use of my day instead, with the current usable mental facilities that I have at hand.

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Monday, December 3, 2018 @ 4:09 AM
A Journey
So I just found out that Celtic music refers to music from a region that includes Ireland and Scotland haha. I always thought that it was more of Norway and the Scandinavian countries but I guess I am wrong in that respect :P And this newfound knowledge amuses me somewhat because I was listening to this genre of music while I read that new book I bought on my Kindle (The Outlander)! It's amusing to discover that I chose the exactly correct genre of music to accompany my reading HAHA. Cool. Who knew that learning about the history of music was so enjoyable and entertaining?! I always shied away from it in the past haha, believing that I'm only interested in performing pop music and all this historical stuff is not useful to me at all :P But now I guess I'm starting to see the relevance of it all, even of classical music (which I used to dislike ahahaha). Paradigm shift? Probably xD It's cool though, because my taste in music has definitely been influenced by everything which I've listened to in the past decades of my life :P Although I don't know how they affect me exactly, but the effect is definitely there xD

Okay! Time to change and head off to lunch/my ushering duties (which have broadened my understanding and exposure to music too :P)

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Thursday, November 29, 2018 @ 4:51 AM
Somewhere I lost a piece of me; smoking cigarettes on balconies;
Pretty sure I used that exact same title somewhere here before and it came from a song.

There are two songs that I'd like to introduce to you today, which kinda resonate with what I'm feeling (and perhaps maybe what millennials are feeling):

There for You



So Far Away



Wow, they are both by Martin Garrix! Haha DJs are very involved in songs nowadays.

-

Sometimes I wonder - do my eyes look different now compared to before? Maybe a bit less life, a bit less shine? Hahaha well maybe plumper/less toned body. Ah well.

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Friday, November 16, 2018 @ 4:40 AM
what?
Hello blog!! Its been a while! More than a whole month since I last talked to you haha. I've been talking to Mia a bit more, so I hope you'll forgive me for that xD

Here I am, sitting in the Starbucks in Tresidder Union, staring up at the ceiling with my cup of grande coconut milk latte beside me. What blasphemy it is that their soy milk contains sugar. No wonder all my drinks taste so sweet when there I use soy milk here. Dear God. I wonder if the soy latte in Singapore is sweet too. Somehow I don't remember it being so sweet? Anyway, the coconut milk is sweet too, which irks me very very much. I also don't like that coconut taste. Ugh.

Haha, being so chill with my lab life. It's fine, everything is fine. Gotta concentrate on my real goal. Anyway, time to learn some music theory. Ciao!
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Wednesday, October 10, 2018 @ 4:31 AM
Things
I am tired. Is "tired" not enough a word for you? I am truly tired. All I want is to kick off my shoes, sink into my bed, look up at the ceiling and stone. Do nothing.  It is really important to do nothing, yeah. I agree. I will do nothing for the rest of today after the lab meeting, then, because I simply cannot bear the thought of doing more things.

How long does it take for me to run out of steam? Two weeks, righttttt. I probably can't keep it up for long. But we'll see how it goes.

I am a person of ups and downs, after all. My life is a wave. Don't expect me to stay in one place and stay constant. Maybe my overall displacement will be zero, yes, but the distance travelled will always be more than that of a straight line.

Not sure if I am making any sense, but I don't really care at the moment.

See you around.

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Thursday, September 27, 2018 @ 6:36 AM
Hello dear bloggo,

I'm feeling so tired at the moment, I don't really know why ahaha. Perhaps "stoned" is a better word. If I could, I don't really wanna do anything else today, just wanna go back and lay on my bed and sleep. But well, since I still have those acapella auditions tonight, I guess I can't do that HAHA. At least the auditions will end early though.

I think I'll put a hold on my academic stuff for today. My brain is simply not working well enough to register all that info from a paper, and so I should just chill and give it some time to relax. Working at high speeds and intensities everyday is not something that good for you, after all xD So yes, like what my baobao said - Breathe! Remember to breathe hehe.


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Friday, September 21, 2018 @ 12:09 PM
Calories DDD:
Heyyo blogger, it's so hard for me to control the amount of things I eat nowadays LOLL. Also because I'm quite concerned about wasting food (due to the price of food, of course) and so I finish every bit of every meal I get if I'm not bringing it back x-x And then I also try to finish everything when I cook because it's quite a waste if I don't do so. The fats in front of my tummy is definitely starting to grow! I ate so much snacks in the afternoon (like two servings of cheetos and that leftover half of the dark chocolate caramel cookie thingy that Solange brought back from Chile!) just now hahaha and had a full lunch and bfast too (there were bagels and cupcakes at the Bollyky lab meeting in the morning just now and I couldn't resist the free bagel + cream cheese combo x-x) and so I really shouldn't eat anything for dinner now. But my tummy is like craving for some food LOL my God I don't know if I am hungry or just superbly greedy. I think it's the latter. When I sit down it seems like my stomach gets the hunger pangs a lot more than when I stand up. Which is really weird.

To be honest, I know my body doesn't need the food that I crave HAHA. It's just greedy, and I definitely won't die or anything if I continue to stay "hungry" for the rest of the night. It's just that yeah, it is easy for me to give in to these "hunger" pangs HAHA. Man. Okay I shall resist for tonight. Resist resist resist. And then eat tomorrow. Remember that eating is not everything HAHA I shouldn't stuff so many calories into myself.

Cheers,
Hui Ting

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recent entries

Rationality? Logic? Well fuck you. Hawaii Contemplation. Best way to go about your day A Journey Somewhere I lost a piece of me; smoking cigarettes... what? Things Hello dear bloggo, I'm feeling so tired at the mo... Calories DDD: